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Before we engulf ourselves into the (digital) pages of the Maxim Hot 100 and decipher whether or not Joel Embiid could learn proper shooting form from me, a middle-aged white guy (he can’t), let’s talk airport eats.
Exciting, right? I know. But I had a damn-near heavenly meal at the Nashville airport last weekend and I need to tell someone other than my wife and kids (again) about it.
On Friday night I had an unforgettable airport experience. And no, I’m not going Anthony Bass(hole) and talking about flight attendants picking up my kids’ mess. This is a much happier story. A story wrapped in double orders of BBQ and the finest Diet Coke around.
Stay with me, I promise we’ll get to Maxim girls and DVDs momentarily. For those of you that remember, I spent a weekend in Nashville just over a month ago. I didn’t know it at the time, but I apparently did BNA all wrong. All of my previous stops through BNA have been ordinary. Despite having been to this airport a handful of times, I’ve never had more than a beer, an overpriced water or lengthy pee (never pass up the opportunity to pee at my age) while walking through the concourse.
That changed on Friday evening. A two hour layover in the Music City had me hangry!
Like any born hunter, I left the wife and kids to sit by the Southwest gate and charge their phones. I was out to feed my family.
Luckily, I stumbled upon what I now know is a Nashville staple – Swett’s. I did it big: BBQ ribs, wings, mac-n-cheese, sweet potatoes. When in Nashville, do as the Nashvillians (I don’t know if that’s a thing, but sounds cool) do… My god, it was fantastic. All of it. This is not a paid endorsement for Swett’s, but I wish it were. This is comfort food at its finest. Granted, I’m from Ohio, not exactly the land of BBQ, but the airport location (they have a restaurant within the city too) was some of the best BBQ I’ve ever had.
Proud as a peacock, I brought my findings to the family. The excitement that followed their first bites could only be rivaled by the unboxing of Christmas morning iPhones. We were all sold. So much so that I was tasked with heading back to Swett’s for round 2. That’s a walk I didn’t mind taking.
To Swett’s, I raise my nightcap and salute you! Like Arnold, I’ll be back.
Who Knew Maxim Was Still A Thing?
Now that we’re all fat and happy, let’s talk about those with a little less on their frame – the Maxim Hot 100. If you’re like me, Maxim was a big part of your high school and college years. But I had no idea it was still around. I assumed Maxim, Stuff and FHM magazines had all retired around the same time as Affliction T-shirts, but who knows. At least one of them is still around.
Anyway, it released the Hot 100 list on Tuesday and there’s plenty of hotties. But, unsurprisingly, I quickly learned this isn’t the Maxim list of my childhood. In lieu of sheer hotness (as if that’s a bad thing…), Maxim’s list also recognizes these women as “not only drop-dead gorgeous but multitalented, many with several savvy entrepreneurial ventures to their credit.” Good for the ladies. Girl Power. Girl Dad. Title IX. All that stuff. But let’s MMGA – Make Maxim Great Again.
Earning the top spot was Ashley Graham, a plus-sized model. Because it wouldn’t be 2023 if anyone other than a plus-sized model were to get top billing. And that’s no knock on Ms. Graham. She’s plenty beautiful. But I grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, I prefer my models to have a slight coke problem and an allergy to carbs. The only extra meat I’m interested in consuming is within my Swett’s BBQ, but that’s just me.
Oh, and from what I can tell, aside from numero uno, Maxim doesn’t actually list the other 99 women in any particular order. Assigning hotness 2-100 is so early 2000’s…
You know who did make the list? Everybody’s favorite upcoming Barbie girl, Margot Robbie.
OutKick favorite and co-owner of a new swimsuit line, Sydney Sweeney, also has a spot within the Hot 100.
Something tells me that as long as Maxim doesn’t go the way of Nike and start gifting these spots to dudes (don’t be so sure), Ms. Sweeney will be a regular on this list.
And good news for you Maxim readers out there who also like dogs, or more specifically, doggies. You can find Hailey Bieber within the pages (yes, physical Maxim magazines are still published 6x per year) of the Hot 100 issue. If you didn’t already know, Justin Bieber’s better half is a big fan of dogs too, or doggy…She said as much last fall, telling the “Call Her Daddy” podcast: “I really like doggy style.”
Spoiler alert: she wasn’t talking about the Snoop Dogg album.
Joel Embiid Had A Unique Way Of Learning To Shoot
Speaking of which, you know who’s got that dawg in him? Sixers center Joel Embiid. He’s the odds-on-favorite to be named this season’s NBA MVP. And he has YouTube videos of white people shooting threes to thank for his success. Embiid finished the regular season tops in the NBA in scoring per-game (33.1 points). A few years back he credited his shooting skills to those elbow-tucked, knees-bent, 30-year-old white guys.
We know Embiid already had Kendrick Perkins’ vote, and now he has mine too. Appreciate the honesty, Joel. Now if you’ll excuse me for a few minutes, I’m gonna dial up some Larry Bird 3-point contest highlights then see if Cavs are in need of knee-bending white guy to solidify their playoff roster.
Netflix Says Goodbye To DVD’s
Larry Bird stepped away from the game more than 30 years ago, and in roughly five months he’ll have company in retirement. On Tuesday, Netflix announced that they’ll be sending out their last red-enveloped DVD at the end of September.
First you tell me Maxim’s still around, then I find out some aliens out there are still getting Netflix DVDs in the mail? What’s next? Is an AOL instant message going to blindside me this afternoon?
Myles Garrett Walks Away
Netflix and Larry Bird will have to make (plenty) of room at the retirement home for enormous Cleveland Browns defensive end Myles Garrett. He’s calling it quits too, kind of. Relax Browns fans, your bad news will be delivered from September through January like it is every year. Garrett’s walking away from the NFL’s Pro Bowl. Or Pro Bowl Games, Skills Competition, Freeze Tag, or whatever they’re calling it these days.
Speaking to the media Tuesday, Garrett announced that he’s done participating in the Pro Bowl festivities. He injured a toe while racing a fellow Pro Bowler at this year’s event. “Run-away-from-the-cops obstacle course,” Garrett told reporters. “Jumping over walls and fences. Doesn’t make sense to me.”
In lieu of the Pro Bowl Games, maybe next offseason he’ll do something a little more toe-friendly, like basketball…
What I’m Drinking This Week
You loyal nightcaps readers know that come every Wednesday, this is the spot where I tell you what I am or am not eating or drinking. Well, we already know what I’m eating – Swett’s, duh. Now let me tell you what I’m sucking down, with the help of some Crown Royal.
If you guessed Bud Light, you’re wrong. Very wrong. Because, ya know…
Nope, I stand with Kid Rock. Now and always. Hell, I already started sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking ’bout tomorrow.
Anyway, I like my Crown with a side of Diet Coke. And I gotta be honest, I love me some Diet Coke. Does anything hit harder than Diet Coke out of a fountain? No, it most certainly does not. DC keeps it simple and never disappoints. Give me the caffeine but save the calories. With that, I present to you the definitive list for how to best consume a Diet Coke.
- Out of a soda fountain (bonus if it’s done at a movie theater and accompanied by popcorn)
- Glass bottle
- 2 liter
- Plastic bottle
*When alcohol is mixed, disregard all these. Once the whiskey or gin hits, it won’t matter.
If you disagree with this list, I’m sorry, but you’re an idiot. Don’t like it? Too bad. If there’s still an issue, I’d advise you to take the advice of everyone’s favorite Rough Ryder, DMX, and meet me outside, meet me outside, meet me outside…
Visiting The Jersey (Are You) Sure?
I’ll tell ya what, no group of ATV-riding men ever looked better than DMX and the Rough Ryders. How many ATV-riding gangs do you know that have their own uniform? Better question: how many ATV-riding gangs do you know?
That’s a discussion for another day. And believe me, I have no problem devoting an entire column to DMX’s Woodstock ’99 performance, don’t tempt me. But you know who didn’t look quite as good as X and the boys?
This dude rockin’ the Kirk Hinrich Team USA jersey.
First off, this is a grocery store, no guns allowed my man. Second, how did Captain Kirk ever make a Team USA squad? Those post-Dream Team, pre-Kobe times were some lean years for the red, white and blue hoops teams.
As always, if you spot an odd jersey – preferably in an odd place – send it my way via Twitter @OhioAF or email: email@example.com. There’s a good chance it’ll get some nightcaps run.
Ronaldo Auditions To Be A Linebacker
Now that we’re talking about running, I thought that was what soccer players were supposed to do. I prefer football to futbol, but if Cristiano Ronaldo’s going to start sprinkling some Chuck Cecil into his game, sign me up!
The closeline-turned-tackle took place during a Saudi Pro League match between Ronaldo’s Al-Nassr and Al-Hila. Ronaldo’s takedown earned him a yellow card, but his team got the win (2-0) and he made nightcaps. So that’s two wins in my book.
We’re Not Done Yet
Before I flop my way out of here, enjoy the best of social media – along with some Swett’s BBQ and a Diet Coke if you really wanna spoil yourself.
Alright boys and girls. Don’t be like the guy below, keep your pants on (or don’t, I mean, it is practically summer) and finish the job. But you’re on your own. I’m taking my spare tire with me and heading elsewhere until next Wednesday’s edition of nightcaps!
*OutKick’s Nightcaps is a daily column that runs weekdays around 4pm EST.
Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF