The Punch-Up w/ Matt Reigle: March 29

Happy Saturday morning, and welcome to The Punch-Up!

I hope you’re kicking back with some coffee and the morning paper (if they still have those) before you go about your day cleaning guitars or watching a game or whatever.

And since you’ve got a busy day ahead of you, there’s no time to catch up on all the news from the past week.

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Well, lucky you; that’s where The Punch-Up comes in.

What a week.

We had a croc fighting a gator, the MLB had an app faux pas at the worst possible time, the NFL banned the "nose wipe," and Fireball Whiskey is dishing out freebies with a catch.

So, what do you say? Let’s get to it!

This week marked the start of the 2025 Major League Baseball season. However, the MLB app experienced some difficulties on the first day of the season. Even worse, it happened on a weekday, when most fans’ grandkids aren’t around to explain to them what the problem is.

Dave Grohl’s wife is reportedly not going to end their marriage following the rockstar’s cheating scandal that led to a daughter. Instead, she’s ending the marriage because she saw that horror movie the Foo Fighters’ made.

Capitals defenseman Jakob Chychrun responded to claims that he had gotten rid of the lightbulbs in his house and replaced them with candles. He said it helps him sleep, which is fair, but if he starts growing a beard and riding around in a horse and buggy, I’m going to have some questions.

The NFL has officially banned the "nose wipe" celebration that some players like Dallas Cowboys star CeeDee Lamb use to celebrate first downs. This means that we may now get an NFL first: a player arguing a call by claiming he just has a cold.

Fireball Whiskey will give anyone 90-years-old and up a free lifetime supply of their booze. Now, the elderly can spend their final days the way they had always hoped: drinking like a high schooler whose parents are out of town for the weekend.

(Lots of jokes about the elderly this week… not sure what that’s about.)

Will Smith’s first album in 20 years features a reference to when he infamously slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars. Listeners were stunned, but mostly because they didn’t realize Will Smith still put out music.

Kermit the Frog will be the commencement speaker at the University of Maryland this year. It marks the first time a puppet has given a commencement speech since last year, when Morehouse College welcomed then-President Joe Biden.

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Got all of that?

Good. We'll reconvene next week,