The Eagles Go To Washington, Kamala Speaks (Kind Of), And A Bear Is Thwarted By Snacks
Welcome to the weekend, and what better way to kick it off than by catching up on the news from the week that was with The Punch-Up!
And what a week it was.
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We had the Eagles at the White House, Kamala Harris decided it was time she addressed the nation again, a woman in Florida thwarted a bear attack with snacks, and much, much more.
So, let’s dive right in and get you up to speed on anything you missed.
The Philadelphia Eagles visited the White House this week to celebrate their Super Bowl LIX victory. It was the first time the White House grounds crew had needed to make sure all the property’s poles were greased since Hunter Biden’s last birthday party.
A park in Seattle has announced plans to roll out a new "Public Masturbation Deterrent Infrastructure." That’s a fancy way of saying they’re going to staple the cast of The View’s headshots onto trees around the park.
In her first speech since the election, Kamala Harris drew an awkward silence while talking about a viral video of elephants during an earthquake. Most people there were just perplexed as to why she was talking about Illinois Governor JB Pritzker.
US Senator Tommy Tuberville said that Democrats "don’t care" about college sports ahead of a meeting with President Trump about NIL. He’s right… Unless there’s a dude competing with women, in which case, they’re all in.
The long-awaited video game Grand Theft Auto VI has been delayed yet again and is now scheduled to be released in May 2026. Developers say it will be worth the wait as it will give them time to make the hooker-punching mechanics 30% more lifelike.
A woman in Florida stopped a bear attack by throwing a bag of cookies at a black bear as it charged her and her dog. It’s a tactic that survival experts say also works if you need to fend off an attack from Internet sensastion, the Rizzler.
An Australian teen who was struck by a bolt of lightning that exited her body through her butt says she hopes the incident will leave her with superpowers. Unfortunately for her, having to sit on a hemorrhoid ring for the rest of her life is not a superpower.
"Fart walks" are a new health trend that has taken social media by storm in which people walk around their neighborhood after a meal blasting gas. "Isn’t every walk a fart walk?" asked Rep. Jerry Nadler.
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Got all of that?
Good. See you back here next week!