NFL Power Rankings: Cowboys Love America While The Giants Are Don Lemon
It's Week 9 of the NFL season and it's also Nov. 2. You know what that means, don't you? I warned you last week about it. And the week before.
And now, she's here. There's no stopping her now. For the next two months, Mariah Carey owns us. Bend the knee right now and just get it out of the way.
I knew it was coming, and, right on damn cue, here she was with the scheduled tweet right at 12 a.m. yesterday morning:
Disgusting. If that does something for you -- anything -- you can leave right now. This is not the place for you. Not on Nov. 2, at least. Not in my NFL power rankings.
I love the Christmas season. Hate the day, love the season. I'm all for starting it in November. Some people are against that, but I'm OK with it.
But you have to show an ounce of respect for Halloween and for fall in general. The people who wake up three hours after drunkingly passing out after a Halloween party and immediately start playing Christmas music are sickos. That won't be tolerated.
So, in the spirit of Halloween, we're gonna go back to that well one final time this year and respect -- and appreciate -- some of the best (you know what I mean) costumes from earlier this week.
It's Week 9 NFL Power Rankings, the 'Hottest Halloween Costumes' edition. Spooky SZN ain't dying this week. Not on my watch.
Tier 1: The Rachel Bush tier
Absolute home run from an OutKick OG this Halloween. Rachel Bush -- AKA Bills safety Jordan Poyer's wife -- checked in with a little 1-2 punch with the Carmen Electra/cop costume AND the Baywatch suit with her sister, Jordan.
There are just certain WAGs and influencers who get it and, most importantly, have it, and Rachel Bush is atop that mountain. For starters, she's an OutKick fan. You're already off to a good start.
Her Instagram is locked and loaded 365 days a year, but this Halloween post was a masterclass. Hits all the right notes and we even get a cameo from Jordan, who's no slouch herself and appears to have donned multiple other Halloween costumes, per her TikTok:
The Eagles continue to win and win and win, yet I still don't know if they're truly the best team in the NFL. They've had less hiccups than everyone else, though, and that's saying something this season.
Honestly, same with Baltimore. The Ravens have losses to Indianapolis and Pittsburgh, but the Ravens stuffed the Lions in a locker two weeks ago and also beat the Bengals earlier this year.
The Chiefs looked AWFUL last week. Truly, truly awful. And don't give me the but Pat Mahomes had the flu! crap. Yeah, no. You lost to the Broncos. You're lucky to still even be in the top tier.
I purposely didn't move the Dolphins up because the last two times I've done that they lost to the Bills and Eagles. It's called reverse psychology, look it up.
(PS: Love Miami this week, which means they'll lose by 100. Guten tag.)
Tier 2: The Veronika Rajek tier
I'll be honest with you, I'm not the biggest Veronika Rajek fan in the world, but this Halloween outfit spoke to me -- as I'm sure it will to any OutKick reader.
Hard to go wrong with a pro-America costume, and then our girl really melts hearts with the ensuing caption. It's a novel, so I'll spare you the time, but it's basically talking about how America is her country even though she's not technically from here.
This country gave me opportunities, better life and spread out wings that had been always cut and burned where I was born.
What a quote. What a costume. God I love this country.
America's Team was always going to be in this tier, but the Cowboys earned it by making new dad Sean McVay fly across the country after probably getting no sleep and then beating him by a billion. What a bloodbath that was.
The Lions did us all a solid by mercifully putting the final nail in Josh McDaniels' coffin.
The Jags won a slobberknocker in Pittsburgh but also nearly killed Kenny Pickett with a dirty hit, while the Seahawks skirted by PJ Walker and the Elves in the cleanest NFL throwbacks of the weekend.
Tier 3: The Allie Rae tier
Another OutKick fan showing why we're always right. Rachel Bush showed out this week and so did Allie Rae.
We don't just pick these names out of a hat, you know. There's an ounce of thought put into it, and this proves it. Some get Halloween and some don't (we'll get to them in a bit). Allie, Rachel and Veronika all very much understood the mission -- to steal a term from Hookstead -- and executed it perfectly.
This tier is such a cluster you-know-what, if we're being honest. Are any of these teams good? I think. I mean, Buffalo is certainly good, but the offense is still all over the place and most of the defense is on IR.
Thank God for Chris Godwin AND for the 17 holding calls on this last play:
Really thought this was the week we'd refer to the Elves as the Browns for the first time this year, but then they went out west and lost.
Josh Dobbs is about to play for his third team since August. What a warrior.
The Jets and Giants set the NFL back a century Sunday.
Tier 4: The Russell Wilson as Coach Prime tier
So typical. Honestly, nothing about the above picture surprises me at all. It's so on-brand for Russell Wilson it hurts.
And here's the thing -- Russ is actually kinda-sorta cooking lately. He's been decent this year. Hell, compared to last year, he's been Joe Montana.
But of course, then he does something goofy like dressing up like Deion Sanders for Halloween with that little pose and ruins it all. I was so close to almost being back on the Russ Bus before he A) rented out a Waffle House for Ciara's birthday last week, and B) did that for Halloween.
Again, so typical.
I'll be honest, I think all these teams stink minus the Chargers, and we all know how their story ends.
The Rams were down a billion before kickoff in Dallas. The Saints-Colts game must've been awful, because I still haven't seen a single highlight from it. Did they really even play?
The Bucs are a plucky group but also ... Baker Mayfield. The Falcons finally benched Desmond Ridder even though they swear it's not an actual benching. Commanders would actually be higher because they played well against Philly but they then turned around and sold their entire defense for a bag of chips.
Tier 5: The Sofia Vergara tier
It pains me to put Sofia so far down, because she's truly a veteran in this league. That being said, fair is fair, and I certainly did NOT see the above "Halloween" post coming from her.
What's going on here? What happened? Sofia Vergara is usually an automatic home run every time she posts, especially the past few months since she re-entered the dating game.
Naturally, I expected greatness after Halloween night, and instead we got a picture of some decorations. That's it. In the past few weeks alone she's modeled glasses, modeled leotards and bathed naked in a tub for all of Instagram to see.
And for Halloween we get ... that? Bigger letdown than the most recent Halloween movie.
The CJ Stroud train has derailed big time over the past few weeks, which was bound to happen.
Again, I'm not sure the Colts actually played Sunday.
The Titans finally listened to yours truly and put Will Levis under center. Blind dog finds a bone every once in a while.
Ohio State's No. 1? Seriously? OK. Put Michigan on top, cowards!
Tier 6: The Don Lemon tier
I mean, what more can I say? What a jarring sight. Joe Kinsey blogged about it yesterday, aptly noting that Den Lemon dressed as Kamala Harris got the internet talking.
Boy, did it ever. From Joe:
A year after dressing as Meghan Markle for Halloween, former CNN gasbag Don Lemon showed up on social media Tuesday night (allegedly) dressed as Vice President Kamala Harris.
That’s Don’s future husband Tim Malone (they’ve been engaged since 2019…shit or get off the pot, Don…quit stringing Tim along) dressed (allegedly) as Joe Biden hand-in-hand with Miss Vice President.
Two months removed from getting canned from a morning show that had less daily viewers than the Nickelodeon cartoon my 2-year-old watches every day, Don Lemon dressed as the most despised person on the planet -- one year after dressing as the second-most despised person in America.
What a power move. What a loser.
Unfortunately, that's what all these teams are, too.
The Patriots are truly terrible. The Bears and poor Tyson Bagent came plummeting back to earth.
What exactly was Jordan Love doing for all those years under Aaron Rodgers?
The Raiders finally canned McDaniels, which means they'll crush the Giants on Sunday and then lose the rest of the way. The Giants, meanwhile, had -9 passing yards last week and brought in NFL vet Matt Barkley to boost morale.
Kevin Hartz had a WEEK. His Twitter game is on par with Keith Olbermann, which is saying something. What a wild ride.
Welcome to NFL Power Rankings, Britt!
Have a suggestion for next week’s NFL Power Rankings tiers? Email me at zach.dean@outkick.com.