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We’re just over 24 hours away from college kids awkwardly hugging Roger Goodell on stage. So who better to talk NFL Draft than anti-commissioner-hugger Bobby Carpenter, the 18th pick in the 2006 Draft?
Diet Coke will also be slandered, though not by me. I wouldn’t dare.
But before we talk aspartame, DeSantis and Megan Meyer, the girlfriend of likely Iowa draftee Jack Campbell, let’s dabble with some football, courtesy of my Ohio compadre, Bobby Carpenter. He and I have some similarities,
mainly our physiques. We both grew up in, went to college in and still live in the Buckeye state. We also both played linebacker in high school.
One of us was named All-State, then went on to earn All-Big Ten honors twice while playing for Ohio State and had a seven-year NFL career.
The other simultaneously guided both the Cleveland Browns and Cleveland Cavaliers to (multiple) Madden and NBA Live titles from his parent’s basement during the same time. I’ll let you decide who’s who and which resume is more impressive.
In the meantime, enjoy Carpenter’s thoughts on edge rushers, Bill Parcells, Maurice Clarett, Megatron, Terrell Owens and more.
Get your popcorn ready and let’s get weird, it’s NFL Draft Eve!
This Buckeye Has Eyes For A Bama ‘Backer
*Some of Bobby’s comments have been shortened for time and clarity*
I asked Carpenter which edge player: Alabama’s Will Anderson Jr. or Texas Tech’s Tyree Wilson he’d select first if he were drafting an edge player. Bobby, who’s previously contributed to OutKick, is siding with experience and the eye-in-the-sky.
“Will Anderson. Jr.. If you look at just the consistency of what he’s had over the last three seasons, he’s been the most complete player.”…you’ve seen what this guy’s been for over three years, let’s not overthink it. He plays for a coach (Nick Saban) that coaches that position and coaches defensive players as well as anyone. The guy’s been highly productive. There’s no glaring character flaws to my knowledge…I just think he’s probably the most complete player and probably the safest pick in the draft.
NFL Draft QB Opinions
Like most, but not all people who follow the draft, Carpenter sees quarterbacks Bryce Young and C.J. Stroud as a step above Will Levis, Anthony Richardson and Hendon Hooker. He’s also a firm believer in the tape versus measurables and S2 testing. And he didn’t sound eager to side with any of the latter three signal callers early in the NFL Draft.
“I would say Anthony Richardson has the biggest upside. Hendon Hooker’s probably the most intriguing. “…I’ve watched him play some really good football. I know he struggled under pressure a little bit, but I’d say him second (after Young, Stroud and Richardson). (And) that’s not that I’m down on Will Levis. “…I was waiting for him this year to show me a four or five game stretch where he was really good and he just never really put that together.”
From there, I asked Carpenter to revisit his own college career and tell me the best player he squared off with when he was part of the Buckeyes.
“Andre Johnson (from Miami) was really good. Really good. That whole team was stacked, but Andre Johnson, man… The fact that the Lions drafted Charles Rogers over him was wild to me. Andre Johnson was amazing. Darren Sproles was another elite dude who fell in the draft because he was small and all the guy did was play for like 14 years and was incredible in the NFL with what he was able to do. Those two guys I would have to say are right there at the top with their playmaking ability and what they were able to do with the ball in their hands and getting open.”
Save Those NFL Draft Hugs
For reasons that no one really understands, hugging commissioner Roger Goodell on stage at the NFL Draft has become a thing. That’s a thing Carpenter isn’t a fan of (join the club). Carpenter didn’t attend the Draft in 2006, but if he did, you wouldn’t have witnessed him going chest-to-chest with then-commish Paul Tagliabue. And if he were drafted now, Goodell wouldn’t get a warm embrace either.
“I wouldn’t have hugged Paul Tagliabue. I wouldn’t hug Roger Goodell. That man is nothing to me other than he’s the commissioner of the league. He’s saying your name (that’s it)! He’s simply a conduit for someone else. You wanna hug someone, hug the coach, hug the GM, hug the owner – whoever made the call…I’ve never understood that. There’s no way.”
What Could Have Been With NIL And Maurice Clarett
Though he won a national championship in college, Carpenter and his teammates missed the opportunity to capitalize on their success and popularity. One teammate, running back Maurice Clarett, seemingly would’ve been as profitable as any current college player if NIL had existed then. “Mo” was drafted in the third round of the 2005 Draft but never played in the NFL.
For those that don’t remember, Clarett adorned covers of Sports Illustrated and ESPN magazine (to name a few) and was a SportsCenter mainstay. He dominated college football as a true freshman when that kind of thing was unheard-of. Freshman, especially running backs, usually spent their first fall red-shirting. Not Clarett. He had Tebow, Manziel or Reggie Bush-like popularity. And the game to match. What he, nor other superstar college players, had then was NIL. If they did, they’d have made a fortune.
“We all would’ve got a lot. I look at how much money we made signing autographs after our senior year…I would say Maurice, even in those dollars, twenty years ago…I would say a half a million dollars a year. I don’t think that’s an exaggeration. And tack on twenty years of inflation to that, you’d be talking probably seven figures at this point…I’d say he’d be well over a million and there’d probably be plenty to go around for everyone.”
Not Wasting That NFL Draft Pick Money
Plenty of players selected between Thursday and Saturday will be instant millionaires. In 2006, Carpenter’s play allowed him to cash in with first round money. But unlike so many young people who come into money, Carpenter didn’t make any outlandish or regrettable purchases once securing the bag. In fact, he invested in a ride he still has today.
“I’m about as boring a dude as you’re gonna get and I always wanted a Jeep Wrangler when I was growing up. My parents said they’re too expensive and too dangerous…So I bought a Wrangler. I didn’t get a new one. It had 77,000 miles on it. It had 35” tires, a 5” lift. I paid $9,300 for it. I just actually replaced both headlights on it today. It still sits in my garage…It’s got like 95,000 miles on it now. I’ve put around 20,000 miles on it in 16 years. So, $9,300, if you consider that a splurge, that was it.”
That kids, is what we call a good ROI.
Megatron Made Quite The Impression
In addition to college studs like Andre Johnson and Darren Sproles, Carpenter also lined up against plenty of NFL studs too. He shared who among those players stood out to him as being the best of the best.
“Calvin Johnson. I played on the same team as him but Calvin’s one of the best players I’ve ever seen in my life.”
A former Longhorn also left an impression.
“Ricky Williams. I played briefly with him in Miami but playing against him (was tough). Ricky was really good, even in his second tenure back after he took the year and a half, two year hiatus. I talked to (former Cowboys teammate) Zach Thomas and he goes ‘You think Ricky’s good now, he weighs 230. He used to weight 250 and he was just as fast.’
“…Both of those guys, really, really elite players at their respective positions. “
Carpenter went on to add that another former teammate, Jason Witten, was the best tight end he’s lined up against. “Witten was so good every day.”
I Love Me Some Me
As a Cowboy, Carpenter was teammates with Hall of Famer Terrell Owens. I asked him about that experience.
“It’s always interesting with T.O. because he’s a very polarizing figure. He was always really good to me on a personal level. He enjoys being a part of the attention, but he’s not the only guy like that. It’s not exclusive to him, especially playing wide receiver. He was always good to me and none of the defensive guys ever had a problem with him…he came in, he worked pretty hard, he played pretty hard. He was animated, he got emotional. But I played with a lot of guys like that. He enjoyed it being about him. The problem is, I went from that to Calvin Johnson and Calvin Johnson might be the most humble person I’ve ever been around and he’s arguably the greatest player I’ve played with or against. So I guess you realize there’s more than one way to do it.”
Game Time With Bill Belichick, Bill Parcells And Jim Tressel
Even though this is nightcaps, I didn’t quite think it would be appropriate to ask Bobby to play F, Marry, Kill. Never mind the fact that it would be super weird. But, I did ask Bobby to play a similar game with a trio of the coaches he played for throughout his college and pro career: Jim Tressel, Bill Parcells, and Bill Belichick. Bobby’s options were: Play For, Play Against and Get Fired. He had to choose one of his former coaches for each role.
Carpenter has an affinity for all three coaches and he was initially hesitant to throw one on the unemployment line. At least he was until we both came to the realization that all three have previously been fired, so there’d be no problem sending one packing once again.
“That’s really tough because they’re all good in their own right. I would fire Belichick because I don’t want to play against him and playing for him, while it’s great and he makes you a better player, isn’t the most fun. I’d probably play against Parcells just because I’d wanna play for Tress…That’s a tough one because Parcells is a great motivator and helped me tremendously…Parcells is in Canton, Belichick will be in Canton and Tressel’s in the College Football Hall of Fame. My gosh, that’s a terrible question (to have to answer).”
Bobby’s on the money here. Who outside of New England wouldn’t fire Belichick? Nobody. Well, maybe someone who guzzles Bud Light, but that’s a discussion for another day.
I doubt they’ll be playing any version of F, Marry, Kill, but if you want to hear more from the always entertaining Bobby Carpenter, you can catch him on Columbus’ 97.1 FM radio The Fan, where he hosts Morning Juice weekday mornings from 6am – 9am. You can also follow him on Twitter: @Bcarp3.
Aaron Rodgers Trade Overreaction
One thing I didn’t ask Carpenter about was the Aaron Rodgers trade. Why? Because like most people not named Mike Greenberg, I’m sick of hearing about it. Even those holed away in a darkness retreat knew Rodgers would eventually be a Jet. So when the news broke Monday, I wasn’t surprised, shocked, or interested in hearing more. The same can’t be said for a quintet of ESPNers who reacted to news of the Rodgers trade as if it hadn’t been in the works for two months.
Case in point:
And the Oscar goes to…
Well, none of them actually. The best actor award ALWAYS goes to LeBron James. But these performers certainly gave LBJ a run for his money.
NFL Showers Sound Like A Weird Place
Full disclosure: the only person I want to accompany me in a shower is of the female variety. And I don’t mean a female who decided they were a female last week and has hairier legs and a deeper voice than me. Hey, I like what I like. That said, NFL players can’t be so choosy. They regularly have to soap it up amongst other dudes. And per former defensive end Chris Long, that means opinions on washing styles often take center stage in the locker room. More specifically, how players clean (or don’t clean) those hard to reach places.
Long shared as much on his Green Light with Chris Long podcast.
In a video captioned: “How do you wash your ass” and posted to Twitter, Long, his brother Kyle and Nate Collins, all former NFL players, argued over how to ensure their back doors were left spick and span. I’ll spare you the details, but there seems to be no consensus on how to get the job done.
And just like that, I no longer envy NFL players.
Let’s Hope Chris Long Isn’t A Reusable Toilet Paper User
The Green Light pod didn’t veer into bathroom habits. But the subject matter was closely enough related that it wouldn’t have been a surprise if conversation about washing turned to wiping. Had that been the case, let’s hope the Long brothers and Collins wouldn’t have revealed that they subscribe to the reusable toilet paper trend (god, I hope it’s not actually a trend) like this TikTok mother of two.
@vibingranolamom In honor of Earth Day I had to show yall our updated set up!🧻♻️ #crunchymom #ecofriendly #reusabletoiletpaper #bathroom #momsoftiktok #recycle #earthday #environment #savetheplanet ♬ original sound – Kara🪴
Mom Kara, @vibingranolamom on TikTok, says her family bought cloth toilet paper from Amazon and it “works really well.” But the cloths receive an assist from a sprayer and a bidet (ohh, fancy) that appears to be doing the heavy lifting.
She explains: “So basically, we have a sprayer. You can spray the pee off off you. And we also have a bidet as well. Right there. All you do is you go pee or poop, you spray using the bidet or sprayer, then you just wipe with one of these.”
Nah. Sorry. Bidet or no bidet, I’m not putting my shit tickets in a basket, washing them and then giving them some more run. But you do you Kara.
Joe Burrow’s Actions Confirm Real Recognize Real
Bengals QB Joe Burrow had a short stint at Ohio State and I presume he’s a Charmin and flush it guy. That’s my half-assed way of transitioning from Bobby Carpenter, the NFL and bathroom cleanup, to the NBA. I’m nothing if not creative! Anyways, Burrow didn’t chime in on his butt-washing or wiping technique (that we know of), but he did previously share who his favorite NBA player is. That’s none other than Matthew Dellavedova, also known as, “Delly,” who won a championship with the Cavs in 2016 and is now a member of the postseason participant Sacramento Kings.
“He hustles. Gets on the floor. My kinda guy,” Burrow previously said of Delly.
That hustle Burrow refers to nearly killed Delly back in 2016. At least that’s how retired NBA champion J.R. Smith tells it.
Delly was all over Steph Curry. And as we now know, if there’s one thing Curry doesn’t like, it’s people in his space. Especially those of the low-income variety.
For the record, Dellavedova isn’t the only one hustling in Sacramento. Kings coach Mike Brown isn’t afraid to tell his staff and players to eat my road grit, liver lips, even when it’s not the holidays.
What I’m Drinking This Week – Sarcasm And Diet Coke
My man looks thirsty.
Speaking of which, you know what tastes almost as good as Yuengling, much better than Bud Light and is the perfect companion for watching the NFL Draft? Diet Coke.
If you missed it, last week I proudly professed my love for the fizzy stuff. I even went the extra mile and ranked the best ways to consume a DC. You can read about it here, again, because I know you didn’t miss it last week.
Well, one Nightcaps loyalist took issue with not only my Diet Coke appreciation, but also my sarcasm. How dare he!
Hey, I’m not for everyone, just ask my wife. And I welcome the constructive criticism. But I gotta be honest, I think the reader took things a little too far when he insinuated he didn’t like my DMX analogy.
Upon listing my favorite ways to consume Coke, the diet variety – not booger sugar, I said the following:
If you disagree with this list, I’m sorry, but you’re an idiot. Don’t like it? Too bad. If there’s still an issue, I’d advise you to take the advice of everyone’s favorite Rough Ryder, DMX, and meet me outside, meet me outside, meet me outside…Anthony Farris, Admitted Diet Coke user and DMX lover
Karen Kevin didn’t like my choice of words. And he sure as hell didn’t like my beverage of choice either. He said as much in an email:
Is this really necessary: “If you disagree with this list, I’m sorry, but you’re an idiot. Don’t like it? Too bad.” This tone seems to be consistent with you. Sarcasm, very likely and hopefully. Calling people an “idiot” for not drinking Diet Coke, please and pointless. Do some research on the health effects of Diet Coke, aspartame especially.Angry reader Kevin
First and foremost, I will not be doing any research. That sounds exhausting. Ever hear of Alexa?
Regardless, I’m going to give our guy Kevin the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe his parlay from the night before didn’t cash (been there, often), so he let his fingers take a walk along the keyboard to ease his mind. No shame there. Also, maybe he didn’t realize he was firing off an email to someone who’s won multiple Madden and NBA Live championships.
But Kevin, I’ll have you know that I’ve decided to identify as aspartame-less, so hopefully you’ll keep reading. You can be mad at me, but please don’t hold this against Earl Simmons.
Megan Meyer Likely To Be Noticed During NFL Draft
Now that I’ve rid myself of aspartame, let’s shift back to the NFL Draft. One thing almost as synonymous with the NFL Draft as Goodell’s awkward hugs is the appearance of NFL newbie WAGs – and mom’s (ex: Zach Wilson’s mom, Lisa). With Aidan Hutchinson no longer on the board, I certainly can’t predict which lady is a day away from going viral. But I’ll try my damndest to give it a shot.
My prediction for the next household name, Megan Meyer, girlfriend of Iowa linebacker Jack Campbell. Most analysts project Campbell as a second or third round pick, but Meyer’s got Day One talent.
Actually, Megan Meyer could have literal first-round talent. After two seasons on the Iowa women’s hoops team, she spent another two years playing for Drake. Prior to an injury this winter, Meyer was averaging nearly 13 points per game.
Assuming this couple’s still together – I have no sources within the Hawkeye program, Kirk Ferentz wouldn’t take my call – I’m banking on Ms. Meyer regularly appearing across TV screens and social feeds this weekend.
Let’s just hope Megan steers clear of Jack’s phone. I’m sure CeeDee Lamb’s draft guest from 2020 would agree with this advice.
Visiting The Jersey (Are You) Sure?
In addition to the Iowa power couple, I’m also expecting to see plenty of weird NFL jerseys in the Kansas City crowds this weekend. And nothing would make me happier than ESPN’s cameras accidentally stumbling upon a Ron Mexico Falcons jersey. That said, you know what time it is. Time to show off those odd jerseys in odd places. Nightcaps reader Robert Shearin gifted me a couple of goodies I had to share.
Robert spotted both these gems at a Lakers – Grizzlies game in Memphis. Yep, that’s a Jamal Mashburn jersey. Monster Mash, by the way, played for neither the Lakers or the Grizz. And that’s a Dallas jersey. Wrong arena my guy.
Props to the young lady in the Mike Bibby throwback. Great look. But my guy going with a Wizard of Oz is an interesting choice. As always, if you spot an out of place and/or unique jersey, send them my way so I can lay my aspartame and sarcasm-filled eyes all over ’em. You can email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org or shoot me a message on Twitter: @OhioAF.
Should’ve Worn A Ron DeSantis Jersey
Since the bowels of Memphis’ FedExForum appear to be a buffet of jerseys, maybe we’ll see a Yale Ron DeSantis one make an appearance. I mean, why not rock the threads of the next POTUS if given the opportunity? DeSantis unis aren’t available (yet), but his trading card is – for Republican voters in the first four 2024 primary states, Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Nevada.
As OutKick’s Matt Reigle detailed this morning, the cards are being mailed out by the Never Back Down PAC in support of Governor DeSantis.
It’s not quite the Fleer Billy Ripken “F-Face” card, but it does pack some umph. This is a solid move from the folks over at Never Back Down. The photo’s A+. DeSantis is rockin’ Canseco-like forearms and his stance and face suggest he’s just moments from going yard. And the back of card stats are a nice touch. A quick glance through shows that Governor DeSantis is on an Ohtani-like tear.
Let’s Do This Again Next Week
The NFL Draft is nearing and Bobby Carpenter unintentionally sent me down a Ricky Williams YouTube rabbit hole, so I’m gonna run my way out of here until next Wednesday.
Before I do, I’m gonna make like Chris Long and empty everything out before we head home. Enjoy!
*OutKick’s Nightcaps is a daily column that runs weekdays around 4pm EST.
Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF