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Yep, they let me come back. Believe me, I’m as stunned as you are. I figured I’d get a Kevin Hart slap to the face just like Shaq did and Nightcaps would’ve lasted about as long as that terrible Friends spinoff, Joey.
But no, they let me come back for Week 2 and I’ve just rewarded them by working Kevin Hart, Shaquille O’Neal, Friends and Joey into the opening paragraph.
You’re welcome, FOX!
More on tanked Kevin Hart and Shaq in a bit. Anyone looking for anymore Joey references, I wouldn’t hold your breath.
For those of you who we convinced to come back for a second week, welcome back! And for those of you just joining the class, welcome to Nightcaps!
Today’s session will include a slap to the back of the head, Olivia Dunne (because, after all, this is still OutKick), enough Super Bowl memes to get you through the offseason, pissed off Americans because they can no longer drink and drive, Melvin Gordon with an all-time tweet and more!
I know you’re all still a little fuzzy after last night, but it’s time to get back on the horse and start our weeks off right.
You know who isn’t reading Nightcaps today? Jackson Mahomes. Let’s all not be like that weirdo and dive in together.
Hopefully we get through it before the next alien invasion.
Kevin Hart doesn’t have time for Shaq’s nonsense
You’re gonna be seeing a lot of Super Bowl crap today, so you’re gonna have to just bare with me for a bit.
Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s not much else going on in the world of sports right now.
But here at Nightcaps we try to provide some content that’s a little less mainstream. I want less, ‘Was that a holding call!?’ and more, ‘How much alcohol can Kevin Hart’s tiny body consume before he slaps Shaq?’
So, here you go!
Don’t know if that was staged or not, although it probably was. Whatever, though.
Sign me up for Kevin Hart slurring his words, slapping Shaq and yelling “on ya nut ass” in his ear any day of the week.
PS: this is a great picture. Gets me every time.
PPS: There’s a great Kevin Hart stand-up comedy routine from years ago that involves Shaq and may be the funniest three minutes of Kevin Hart’s career.
I won’t share it here because we need to move on (and we have to have some class around here), but if you have time later, go ahead and punch in “Kevin Hart Shaq ass” in the YouTube machine and thank me tomorrow.
Is this the greatest Super Bowl image of all time?
Yep, we’re sticking with the Super Bowl theme for now. But, again, you’re not getting this content anywhere else today.
OutKick’s own Trey Wallace – great College Football Insider, I hear – sent this my way last night and I still can’t stop thinking about it.
Amazing. Truly, elite stuff right here.
Just row after row of folks locked in on the Super Bowl 30,000 feet in the sky, and one guy goes rogue with HITCH of all movies.
Don’t get me wrong, Kevin James nails it and Will Smith doesn’t slap anyone like the drama queen he is, so it’s a decent movie. It’s no King of Queens, but James is still funny.
But you’re going with Hitch over the Super Bowl? What a wild choice. But that’s what makes this country great. You have that right to make that decision here, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna question it any further.
Nick Sirianni would agree!
Tubi commercial, Melvin Gordon are the big winners
Couple more Super Bowl notes before moving on.
How are we all feeling about Tubi pulling the rug out from under us for a brief second last night? If you managed to stay somewhat sober well into the fourth quarter, you know what I’m talking about.
The streaming site gave all great Americans a mini heart attack with the game hanging in the balance, pulling the ‘ol okeedoke during a late commercial.
Yep, that was an actual commercial that aired late in the game, but I’m proud to say I wasn’t fooled.
Now, that’s probably because I was alone in the living room watching the game by myself like a loser and had the remote in my hand, so I felt pretty confident it was all a ploy.
Yeah, clearly I ain’t a single guy in my early 20s, if you couldn’t already tell.
That being said, stupid Tubi did fool plenty of people, and they were thrilled about it!
That last one is obviously the winner. I’m a Dolphins fan, so I’ve never known and will probably never know what it’s like to feel that sort of panic during the Super Bowl, but I would 100% be that guy.
Heads would be ROLLING. Pure panic. I honestly think I’d faint.
Again, though, I’m a Dolphins fan so I’m not too worried. Speaking of things that don’t deserve a Super Bowl ring …
How about Melvin Gordon playing the part of lazy group partner for a class project to absolute perfect?
Melvin Gordon, for those wondering, was waived by the Broncos back in November, signed to the Chiefs’ practice squad, and never played a down.
Olivia Dunne reps Joe Burrow, white blood cells fight back
Two more things to hit on from Super Bowl Sunday before we move on to the ‘Angry Drunk Americans & UFO’ portion of the program.
LSU gymnast Olivia Dunne was hounded by fans who for some reason needed to know who she was rooting for in the big game.
And, in true Olivia Dunne fashion, she stayed true to herself and her school. Did she shoot her shot with one Joe Burrow along the way? Who knows!
Lord knows she’s tried before.
Finally, this may have been my favorite tweet of the night. Don’t know why, but it almost made me spit out my Busch Light.
I say almost because I have class and people with class know you don’t waste one ounce of Busch Light. Not one.
And no, don’t get me started on the halftime show. I don’t know if it was good or not, and I definitely do not care if Rihanna is pregnant.
I cannot say that enough times today.
Americans can not fathom not being able to drink and drive
OK, rapid fire time on our way to dinner.
This video for some reason resurfaced over the weekend and went viral. Admittedly, it’s the first time I’ve seen it since it’s a billion years old, so it’s new to me and I’m here for it all.
So much to digest there and I’m running out of time.
“There makin’ laws where you can’t drink when you want to, you have to wear a seatbelt when you’re driving and pretty soon we’re gonna be a communist country.”
What a line! And then you mix in the baby sitting right next to her in the front seat and it’s perfect.
What a time to be alive.
I love this place.
We can’t stop shooting UFOs out of the sky
Didn’t think we’d hit this so early on the 2023 bingo card, but here we are. Mother Earth appears to be on the brink of war with aliens, and we’ve quickly become expert UFO hunters.
At least that’s what the internet thinks after THREE more “unidentified objects” were shot down over the weekend, which is always a great sign of things to come.
OutKick covered Saturday’s UFO-takedown here, but I went ahead and cherry-picked some of the best reactions for you.
OK, I think that’s about all I have for today. Unless you want to see videos of angry Eagles fans and dancing Chiefs fans?
Fine. You convinced me! Here you go.
“Eagles fans celebrate season despite Super Bowl loss” is one hell of a headline. What a spin!
Now go celebrate getting through the Monday after the Super Bowl with a stiff drink and some of those pigs in a blanket you snuck out of the party last night.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Wanna join in on the fun and send me your worst Super Bowl party story or just tell me how wrong I am on Rihanna? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.