The Punch-Up w/ Matt Reigle: February 8

Welcome back to another edition of The Punch-Up, a column people across the internet are calling the "best new column made up mostly of old-school monologue jokes of 2025."

What an honor.

Of course, Sunday is the Super Bowl which means we’ve got plenty of football to talk about, plus a bunch of fun stuff from around the world and right here at home.

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So, what'd’ya say? Let’s get rolling…

Kanye West and his wife Bianca Censori showed up to the Grammys with her wearing a completely see-through dress. It was easily the most shocking moment in Grammy history until a few hours later when Beyoncé won for "Best Country Album."

Fans were not happy when Beyoncé took home an award for her album "Cowboy Carter" over other country artists. Grammy officials said they were "proud to finally get rid of their final shred of credibility."

Actor Richard Gere says that he and his wife are "happier than ever" since moving to her native Spain last year. In other news, I heard from a guy who heard from another guy who read on the internet that pet shops in Spain are having trouble keeping up with a sudden unprecedented spike in gerbil sales.

Saquon Barkley announced that he and his long-time girlfriend are engaged just days before he plays in the Super Bowl. The Eagles running back said he just wanted to make sure that someone in the family had a ring.

Dallas Mavericks season ticket holders are getting refunds after the team traded star player Luka Doncic to the Los Angeles Lakers. "They can do that?" asked a nervously sweating Jerry Jones.

A French gynecologist has been suspended after refusing to treat a male, trans-identifying patient. The patient reportedly ran afoul of the doctor’s strict "No Baguettes" policy.

Representative Nancy Mace responded to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s tweet about making concessions to end US-imposed tariffs, by asking "Who’s your daddy?" Trudeau responded by saying, "I think you mean who’s my ‘fertilizing, non-birthing parent.’"

President Trump will reportedly ban transgender athletes from entering the country to compete in the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles. In response, the Hungarian women’s power-lifting team is allowing a few extra days to travel to LA, just in case they have to do some explaining.

…

Alright; up to speed?

Good, I'll see you back here next week.