Dick Van Dyke Is Still Funny, Easter Island Mystery Solved, And The Demon On The Mend
All the news you need to know from the week that was
It's Saturday, which means it's time to catch up on all the news you missed (or ignored; no judgment) from this past week with a little help from The Punch-Up!
And what a week it was.
We've got Dick Van Dyke still cracking jokes as he closes in on triple digits, an ancient Easter Island mystery has been solved, and KISS Gene Simmons is on the mend.
Nothing a few KISS-branded bandages can't fix.
There's plenty more where these came from, so let's jump right in.
A 600-pound man needed to be rescued from a house in Florida using a crane. Aside from that thought, Illinois Governor JB Pritzker says he had a good vacation.
The UFC fight at the White House will reportedly take place on President Trump’s 80th birthday. This beats how Biden celebrated his 80th birthday: by forgetting his name.
Disney plans to raise the price of theme park tickets at Disneyland and Disney World. This coincides with the debut of a new ride, "It’s a Small World With a Very High Cost of Admission."
The final season of Stranger Things cost a reported $50 to $60 million per episode. At that price, it would have been cheaper to develop and build a time machine than to shoot in the actual ’80s.
Kiss bassist Gene Simmons is reportedly back home and recovering after a car crash in Malibu. Simmons says he’s happy to be on the mend and that fans can buy T-shirts commemorating the accident at KissArmy.com.
The NFL plans to launch a flag football league ahead of the 2028 Olympics. The league says it’ll be just like the NFL, but with even more flags, if you can believe that.
A firefighter in Florida was arrested for dumping 75 "possibly used" tampons on her ex’s lawn. It's believed to be the only thing you can do to an ex that's worse than drunk texting them.
Ex-MLB pitcher Pedro Martinez said in a recent interview that he maintains three gardens at his homes in the US and the Dominican Republic and referred to them as his "babies." Martinez says he was drawn to gardening because it’s the only thing more boring than baseball.
Got all of that?
Good. See you back here next week.