Jim Harbaugh Gets Weird, Dallas Cowboy Wanted To Kill, Travis Hunter And Emma Utterback Stop By And Florida Bear Pounds White Claws

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I’m coming out of the gates hot! No time to mess around. We’re diving right in. Emma Utterback will have to wait until later in the column. But she’s worth it. I promise.

There’s a brewing Screencaps/Nightcaps beef centered around the end of Summer/beginning of Fall and it’s teetering toward Draymond Green/Jordan Poole territory. Rather, it could be entering said territory if the two sides can’t find common ground. So right now it’s more Dwight Howard/Stan Van Gundy awkwardness.

The issue at hand, as mentioned above, is that the folks incharge of calendars and the like state that Fall begins Sept. 23.

Content God/OutKick OG Joe Kinsey – you might know him from Nightcaps’ big brother, Screencaps – firmly sticks to the official Fall guidelines. Like myself, Joe is an Ohio resident. Likely because he knows that Fall in the Buckeye state quickly turns to Winter and than more Winter and than even more Winter, Joe prefers to suck down garage ‘margs for as long as possible. He wants to suck every last drop out of Summer.

My Nightcaps compadre, Zach Dean, is quite the opposite. Once football season starts, he’s breaking out pumpkin beers and hoodies – even if his Florida falls dip down to a chilly 69 degrees.

The disagreement has spilled over to that place we used to call Twitter.

In an attempt to play the role of peacemaker, while simultaneously realizing that these two talents are gifted enough to bring OutKick to the Promised Land (which would be numerous Pulitzers, obviously), I reached out to both to see where things stood. Can fences be mended? Is either willing to bend? Can they/we (wait, are those pronouns?) set differences aside like Shaq and Kobe and climb the mountain? Or are the parties involved headed the same direction as the Baker Mayfield/OBJ relationship?

You be the judge:

It was 69 degrees here this morning (true story) and if that doesn’t scream fall in Florida I don’t know what does. As George Strait once said, I’m not here for a long time, I’m here for a good time. Fall is a good time and I intend to stretch it as long as possible.

As far as meeting Joe in the middle there is no going back. I’ve got pumpkins up already. What’s done is done.

– Zach Dean, Nightcaps
Week One college football has kicked off. So are we onto Fall or still in Summer? (Photo by David Buono/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Joe released to me a statement of his own:

My stance is simple: Respect Summer. Don’t wish it away by putting out your pumpkin spice latte candles BEFORE the calendar says it’s fall. Fall means fall. Summer means summer.

My main beef in this war is that women, and an alarming number of men whose balls have clearly shrunk, want fall to be five months long because it means hoodies, candles, ridiculous apple orchard visits when yellow jackets want to kill humans, Friday nights spent under blankets, Saturdays with stew on the stove and hunkering down for long, dark winters.

Screw that.

The Respect Summer crowd realizes we need to maximize daylight for our sanity and hunkering down under a blanket the first Tuesday after Labor Day makes for a long, mind numbing journey through the darkness of winter. This is a battle worth fighting and a battle that Americans need to realize is a battle for the soul of this country or the Starbucks, Paneras and Dunkins of this world will win and we cannot allow that to happen.

-Joe Kinsey, Screencaps

Not surprising coming from the commissioner of the TNML. Afterall, he’s got a lawn to mow (tomorrow) and some still-Summer sun to enjoy.

Call me Switzerland because I can clearly see both sides of the argument. In sticking with the sports player analogies, I prefer to play the role of Peyton Manning here and be the ultimate teammate. But, if I was forced to choose a side, I’ve gotta roll with football season -especially NFL – commencing the start of Fall.

Let me know where you stand on the argument and why. Hit me on X (@OhioAF) or email me: anthony.farris@outkick.com.

At the end of the day, maybe this is the fire amongst teammates we need to kickstart a championship run.

College Football Games Breaks Are Looooong

One thing all parties can agree on is that stops in the action of college football take way too long. In fact, these breaks are now longer than they’ve ever been. The sample size is small, but it appears as though we’re in for some lengthy college games this Fall (or is it Summer). And this is in spite of offseason rules changes instituting a running clock after first downs.

A Reddit user pointed out that the LSU-Florida State game from Sunday night 131 ads, totaling nearly an hour of air time. Again, there was zero actual football played during this approximately one hour. That’s not exactly catering to the viewer.

Brian Kelly probably wishes the the game ended at halftime.

Jim Harbaugh Gets Weird, Again

Speaking of college football, that suspended guy up North stayed on brand by delivering a weird line about his team earlier this week. Apparently Michigan doesn’t have an offense or a defense, just a we-fense. Oh, and he’s also not only the head coach, but the “Guardian of Victory.”

Captain Comeback is gift to all of us in this world of content creation, so I can’t say I didn’t perk up when I saw this weirdo pop across my X feed. As a lookback, here’s some other great Jim Harbaugh content from over the last couple years:

Have We Seen Travis Hunter Before?

Let’s stick with college football for a minute. Afterall, it is Fall, right? Colorado’s Travis Hunter is the current apple of everyone’s eye. And rightfully so. The Buffs Heisman hopeful caught 11 passes for 119 yards and recorded an interception. He started both offensively and defensively in Colorado’s season-opening win versus TCU.

He was electric. But people are making it seem as if he’s the first college football player to A) play on both sides of the ball and B) do it well.

Plenty of players have started on both sides of the ball. Few succeeded to the level of Hunter, though, it was only one game. But, let’s not forget about a couple of college football greats who paved the way for this decades ago.

Chris Gamble played three ways for Ohio State: wide receiver, cornerback and returner. Basically, he played Harbaugh’s version of “we-defense.” In 2002 the Buckeyes won the national championship and he started five contests on both sides of the ball. He was impactful enough to be selected 28th overall by the Panthers in the 2004 NFL Draft. He spent nine seasons in the league.

Chris Gamble played both ways for Ohio State. (Photo by Diamond Images/Getty Images).

Michigan’s Charles Woodson also played (albeit, with less regularity) on both sides of the ball. Woodson also returned punts. He did all of the above well enough to win the Heisman trophy in 1997. After that, he went fourth overall in the 1998 NFL Draft and now has bust in Canton.

Charles Woodson played all over the field. (Photo by Bob Riha, Jr./Getty Images).

Cowboy Was Out To Kill Reporter

Gamble and Woodson certainly packed a lot of firepower for their respective schools, as does Hunter now. A former Dallas Cowboy packed something else, a gun, and threatened to use it (or have his associates use it) on ESPN reporter Ed Werder. The veteran reporter shared that former player Tank Johnson presented him with a legit threat for his life when he reported that Terrell Owens was negatively affecting the Cowboys’ locker room.

Wild claim about T.O., right?

Werder told the story to Dan Patrick on Tuesday morning.

“Other players were highly upset,” Werder told Patrick. “Tank Johnson, being one of them, threatened to kill me. He said he was going to send some people to my house (to kill him).”

Werder went on to share that Tank Johnson later worked for the NFL with an office right down the hall from commissioner Roger Goodell.

How bout them Cowboys?

Emma Utterback Is Smokin’

From nearly getting smoked to a smokeshow we go, courtesy of Vermont’s Emma Utterback. Look, you guys have been patient and waited long enough. Now that school’s back in session, we’re going to check in on everybody’s favorite Catamount, Emma.

Emma was all-conference last season and led the squad in scoring (14 ppg) and assists (4.2 ppg). She’s back this season as a graduate student. Which is great for us, because more Emma Utterback is never a bad thing.

First they get Fall foliage , then maple syrup (or maybe it’s in reverse order) and now Emma. What’s Vermont going to do next?!?!

Mike Greenberg Would Rather Look At Shannon Sharpe

While Nightcaps is devoting our time and energy to Emma Utterback – we’re crowd pleasers in this space – ESPN’s Mike “Greeny” Greenberg would seemingly rather us use this space for a Shannon Sharpe layout.

*Spoiler alert* there will be no such spread under my watch. Maybe Screencaps, but not here. (Sorry Joe, prepare the letterhead already!)

Anyways, Greeny devoted more than a minute to Sharpe’s impressive physique during his Tuesday morning radio show, “Greeny.”

“Shannon Sharpe is a monster,” said Greenberg. “Shannon Sharpe is the most physically yoked person I’ve seen in my life. He has the most muscular head of any human being I’ve ever seen. His head has muscles. His neck can kill a person. He could absolutely beat you to death with his neck, his head, his arms.” 

Get this man a drink.

Speaking Of, How Bout A White Claw?

I have no idea if Greenberg drinks, but if he does, my guess is he definitely leans more towards White Claws and seltzers than the hard stuff. Just a hunch. That would mean he and a Florida bear named “Tripod” share an affinity for the stuff.

If you missed David Hookstead’s story this morning, Tripod broke into a Lake Mary, Florida home and helped itself to three White Claws and some fish.

Time To Bounce

It’s about time to fill up the garage fridge and chill some White Claws beers in preparation for tomorrow night’s NFL opener and a Screencaps/Nightcaps truece. But as always, I won’t leave you empty handed. Enjoy the leftovers!

*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.

Follow along on X: @OhioAF

Written by Anthony Farris


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