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Talk about a newsy Thursday night in May. We had Olivia Dunne and Lainey Wilson stealing hearts at the ACM Awards, Dolly Parton hinting at a threesome, the NFL schedule release, Montana Fouts becoming a legend and, oh yeah, I discovered Elena Arenas.
How’s that for burying the lede?!
Another week in the books here at Nightcaps as we continue to barrel toward the summer months, and what a week it was! Danica Patrick at F1, Will Levis’ American GF, Brittney Spears on a bender and sex at a Phillies game.
I mean, don’t you dare tell me we never did anything for you! You ain’t getting those kind of headlines over at CNN. They’re too busy pissing literally everyone off and handing the 2024 nomination to Donald J. Trump on silver platter.
How the hell am I supposed to top all of that? Oh yeah, wait — I can!
Yes, there’s a new sheriff in town over on the LSU mats, and her damn name is Elena Arenas. Buckle up.
Elsewhere, Dolly Parton did indeed hint at having a threesome with Garth Brooks last night, volleyballer Kayla Simmons is back from her two week vacation overseas, and Alabama softball pitcher Montana Fouts has officially won my heart.
And you thought it was a slow news day!
Grab a Yuengling or Coors Banquet like the biological man or woman you are and settle in. Class is in session.
Alabama softball’s Montana Fouts puts on a masterclass in leadership
This happened late Thursday, so you likely missed it. I’ll also go out on a limb and say you probably weren’t locked in on Alabama’s softball game last night, so you may have missed it because of that.
Luckily for you, I didn’t miss it because when you’re in the content business you don’t sleep. You may doze, but never fully sleep.
Because if you sleep, you miss Montana Fouts — Alabama’s pitcher who made me want to run through a brick wall Thursday night.
Side note: glad to see ESPN celebrating actual women! Nice work, guys!
First off — Montana Fouts?! What a damn name. May have to steal that one for kid No. 2.
This was awesome. I don’t get sappy too often and think we overplay certain moments way too much, but Montana having to exit after 109 pitches only to rally the troops before limping off had me fired the hell up.
‘Bama, by the way, won 3-2 in extras. Roll Tide. Roll Damn Montana!
Yes, she’s obviously good-lookin’, too. That’s not the point here, but since you asked …
LSU gymnast Elena Arenas deserves Olivia Dunne attention
I’d hate to get political here and go from Alabama to LSU, but sometimes you have to ruffle some feathers to get where you wanna go.
No idea what that means, but it’s Friday so we’re rolling with it.
Anyway, I was scrolling social media the other day gathering content for Nightcaps like a hunter-gatherer forging for food, and I somehow stumbled upon Olivia Dunne’s LSU teammate, Elena Arenas.
And my first question was, how in the hell have we missed this here at OutKick? That’s on us — me, Joe Kinsey, Sean Joseph, gun-toting David Hookstead. We’re better than that, and need to be going forward.
I mean, goodness gracious. Remember when I wrote a few weeks back that Breckie Hill was coming after Olivia Dunne with a spicy flexibility TikTok? Well, that above picture right there just raised the flexibility bar by 100.
Point here is, Elena deserves the attention Livvy’s getting, and we’re starting the campaign right here, right now. She graduates one year from today, so we have plenty of time to make amends.
The turnaround starts now.
Horny Dolly Parton would like to have sex with Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood
Moving forward, I’d like to declare that I’m officially #TeamElena. Do with that information what you wish.
I’m also Team Dolly Parton. Great music, great rack, great person.
And, apparently, a horny one, too!
Did I think I’d spend my Friday googling Dolly Parton Garth Brooks threesome? Nope. Certainly did not.
I’d also recommend NOT doing that — at least while you’re at work or on your work computer, both of which I did.
Anyway, Garth Brooks does have a song about banging an older woman with hands made of leather, so perhaps he’s all in for the Dolly threesome? There are worse people to welcome into your bed, you know.
Kayla Simmons returns to the states with a camera full of heaters
Yep — this was an easy transition.
Welcome back to the states, Kayla! America’s Sexiest Ex-Volleyballer returned home from a two-week expedition overseas, with stops in London, Italy, Paris and Italy.
And buddy, let me tell you — she documented every damn second.
Emptying the tank for the weekend
Kayla’s emptying the camera roll and we’re going to empty the tank so we can head into the weekend with empty stomachs and clear eyes (full hearts, can’t lose!).
And hey, if you’re planning on hitting the open road this weekend, maybe make sure you’re all clear when you try to gain on spot on the track.
That one has to go on the spotter up in the tower, right? I mean, our guy here wasn’t even close to clearing this semi and still tried to take the spot. Got a little Ross Chastain in him!
Fine! Mount Rushmore of road-tripping movies, only because I haven’t done one in a while and I needed to fill some more column inches before checking out.
- We’re the Millers
- Wild Hogs
- RV (with Robin Williams)
- Are we there yet?
That’s a pretty definitive list, at least at No. 1. I mean, it’s stripping Jennifer Aniston for goodness sakes!
What of my favorite movies of all time, by the way.
We’re the Millers is one of those movies that’s constantly on TBS or Comedy Central. I mean ALL THE TIME. And guess watch? I watch it every single time.
JA is unreal in both WTM and Horrible Bosses. Talk about a second act after Friends.
On a completely unrelated note, here’s a rabid bunny out in Iowa attacking everyone.
“It jumps up and bites me. I am like, ‘Oh, my gosh. I just got bit by a bunny.’”
Anyone thought about just kicking the piss out of it and calling it a day? Seems like a pretty easy fix. PETA won’t like it, but they’ll survive.
The rabid bunny might not, but PETA will.
Finally, here’s another completely unrelated video I saw today that me laugh out loud. No idea how old it is, but you know the rules by now.
If I see it for the first time, it’s brand new.
Florida Hooters girls love FAU
Those pranks get me every time. Don’t know why, but they do. I’m also terrified of anything that barely grazes my leg when I’m out in the yard, so I’d 100% react like this guy in this spot.
No judgement here, pal.
Take us home, Boca Raton Hooters girls. Need a big win tonight from our Panthers.
Let’s go have a weekend.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is LSU’s Elena Arenas coming for Olivia Dunne? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
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