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Another week in the books and a couple days closer to college football season. Huh? Yes, it was only a spring game, but volleyballer Kayla Simmons is ready for Saturdays at the Swamp.
More in a bit.
It was sort of a weird week, right? Not really that much going on in the sports world after days of Masters coverage, but we’re also not too far away from some electric events.
We’ve got the NFL Draft at the end of the month, the Kentucky Derby a week later, and those pesky NHL playoffs. No, I ain’t giving the NBA an ounce of screen time today. Not on a Friday. This is a happy day.
And yes, I know we’re right at the start of baseball season, I’m well aware. I’ve carved out plenty of space today for Major League Baseball, and it involves Cubs SS Dansby Swanson giving us one of the dumbest comments of this early season.
Seriously, this guy HAS to be playing us at this point.
Let’s see, what else do we have on today’s docket? Masters Girl Aaliyah Kikumoto is now a model in the most predictable development of the year, PGA players are torching Rory McIlroy for being a little baby, and — oh yeah — Jack Nicholson looks like he’s a billion years-old.
Let’s start with Kayla Simmons, though, because there’s no coming back once you see new (old) Jack.
Kayla Simmons is farming in Gainesville
In case you missed it, the Gators for some reason held their spring game last night.
Yes — a Thursday night Orange and Blue game. Seems weird to me, but perhaps there’s a method to the madness? More recruits available on a Thursday because everyone else is playing on Saturday?
Who knows. The Gators STUNK last year, which makes the whole Anthony Richardson thing even more annoying. How the hell did we go 6-6 with a potential top-10 pick under center? What am I missing?
Anyway, enough ranting. It’s Friday and we’re here to have fun, so here’s ex-Marshall volleyballer-turned-Instagram model farming in the great, big, beautiful state of Florida.
“Two Bits! Four Bits! Six Bits! A Dollar! All for the Gators, stand up and holler!”
Masters Girl Aaliyah Kikumoto is now an Instagram model
Appreciate Kayla trying to pump us up for some Gators football, but, um …
10-7? In a spring game? What the hell are we doing here? This team STINKS.
Speaking of low scores, let’s check in with Texas Tech cheerleader Aaliyah Kikumoto, who became in internet sensation last weekend and is now known only as The Masters Girl.
Riiiiiiiiiight on cue, baby! One day you’re a cute cheerleader for Texas Tech, the next you’re a BSX model on your way to making thousands of dollars per post. Hell, it may already be happening.
The #content game is so wild right now I can’t keep up. I mean, think about what’s happened in the span of FIVE DAYS to this chick. She’s gone from college girl cheerleader to viral internet star and model — and all she did was stand in the perfect spot at Augusta.
And dummies like me eat it up for the #clicks.
I hate myself. Happy Friday!
Jack Nicholson looks like he’s had one hell of a year
Going from Kayla Simmons and Aaliyah Kikumoto to Jack Nicholson is a tougher transition than the one Dylan Mulvaney made, but we trudge forward here on Nightcaps.
Apparently, Jack Nicholson hasn’t been seen since Oct. 2021. Did you know that? I surely didn’t. Since when did society start keeping tabs on Jack?
Anyway, he was spotted out in the wild this week for the first time in 18 months, and he looks fantastic!
Did I say 18 months? I meant 18 years.
Holy hell. Does that look like the face of a man who just woke up, walked out to his LA balcony, and the first thing he sees is a bunch of people snapping pictures of him?
It absolutely does! I’d be pissed, too, and I’m only 30. Imagine being 85 and starting your day with that nonsense.
Still, it’s JARRING to see Jack Nicholson look like the fella under the bridge down the street. Knowing Jack, he doesn’t give a you-know-what, though. Bounces off of him like rubber bullets.
Fine — Mount Rushmore of Jack Nicholson movies.
- The Shining (duh)
- A Few Good Men
- Anger Management (!!!)
That last one is sort of a joke, but not really. Anger Management is underrated as hell, if anything for this scene.
If we’re being honest, I’d probably put The Departed in at No. 4, but there are so many great actors in that movie it’s almost too easy.
So Anger Management it is!
PS: the Shining still scares the piss out of me to this day and I’ve seen it 100 times.
Dansby Swanson is full of crap
Great actor — and I don’t care how he looks at 85! Hell, I hope I look like that at 85.
Know who’s a terrible actor? Dansby Swanson.
I don’t know how I missed this earlier this week, but the new Cubs shortstop apparently forgot he won a World Series just two years ago with the Braves.
Come on, Dansby. What are we doing here?
You’re telling me the atmosphere for a mid-April game at Wrigley Field moved you that much? I’m not knocking the Cubs, Wrigley or Cubs fans — baseball in places like Chicago, Boston (not this year, yikes) and St. Louis is electric. I’ve also been to Braves games, and it ain’t exactly close.
That being said, this feels like a weird flex on Atlanta, which is something Dansby has made part of his every day routine this year.
Remember this gem from last month?
“This team means so much to so many people, which is very similar from the place I just came from. From the gist I’ve gotten so far, pro sports in Chicago are a massive deal. Pro sports in Atlanta are like, well, kind of a deal,” Swanson said.
Now, he did clarify that he wasn’t taking a shot at Atlanta, but the damage was done. Poor Dansby is now enemy No. 1 in Atlanta, and it probably doesn’t help that the Braves just lost his replacement to a wrist fracture for the foreseeable future.
Glad Dansby is finally in a place with a good baseball atmosphere, though. I mean, you could hear a pin drop in this video!
It’s been a great week for Rory McIlroy!
Dansby may be full of crap, and Rory McIlory ain’t far behind.
Rory — the PGA’s anti-LIV mouthpiece for a year now — missed the cut last week at Augusta and then decided to skip this weekend’s RBC Heritage.
Players do it all the time, but this year — thanks in large part to Rory — it comes with a hefty penalty.
Not a great way to start a weekend.
Looks like Rory’s fellow PGAers ain’t losing much sleep over it, though.
But hey, you know who ain’t complaining? Patrick Cantlay! Guy’s just happy his slow ass is out of the news cycle for a day.
Tattoos for granny, dog on fire, hungry Travis Kelce
Time to empty the tank as we head into our Bud Light-less weekend!
Ordering pizza tonight? Make sure you have eyes on your good little boy the entire time or your weekend is gonna be a different kind of lit.
Absolute panic from our man Panda here, who does the only logical thing and flees the scene before the cops arrive. And they say dogs are dumb.
PS: dogs are the best. Cats are by far the worst. I got attacked by one when I was little and have been scarred ever since. True story.
Even now, when I see those stupid Sarah McLachlan 60-second animal cruelty commercials that seemingly go on forever, I feel absolutely nothing for the cats. Nada.
I’d imagine this granny across the pond would agree.
From the Post:
“What do you think of Izzy’s tattoo?” the sister asks the grandmother, as a straight-faced Elizabeth can be seen bracing for whatever is about to come out of her grandmother’s mouth.
“S–t,” the grandmother immediately says, followed by her slight chuckle afterwards.
She then goes on by saying “it’s horrible” when Emily questions her brutal one-word feedback for her own granddaughter’s tattoo.
“It’s only got two wings and a body … You could have them over that flower, it’s stupid.“
‘It’s stupid’ is such a demoralizing thing to hear from a grandparent. No coming back from that.
I’m #TeamGrandma here, though. Tattoos are dumb. As my grandpa used to say to me, “act right.”
Finally, let’s finish out the week with someone volleyballer Kayla Simmons would very much like to get with — Travis Kelce.
She’s gonna have to get in line, though.
And on that thirsty note, let’s go have ourselves one hell of a weekend and hope we don’t look like Jack Nicholson come Monday morning.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
As excited for football season as Kayla Simmons? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.