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I didn’t give Danica Patrick a ride through the streets of Italy over the weekend, but I think I had myself a pretty good couple of days.
And guess what? You hear that? Smell it? Feel it?
It’s the sound of football season, boys and girls, and it’s coming — quickly.
How’s that for a damn Monday pick-me-up!?
And with that, let’s welcome everyone to a Monday edition of Nightcaps!
Hope everyone crushed it this weekend. Me? I had my house photographed and then had to edge the road in front of it like a psycho. You ever let your grass grow so far into the road, for so long, that you have to use two blades during one edging?
Me neither — till yesterday afternoon. What a battle.
But my realtor said it had to be done because it’s the first thing buyers will see, so I bit the bullet and put my head down for a few hours Sunday. And guess what? I already have a showing today, so we’ll get to see my work in real time right off the bat.
We’ll get to Danica Patrick on a motorcycle in just a bit. Along the way, I think we should check in with Andreea Dragoi, Summer’s Hottest Lifeguard, because she just took her game to the next level.
We applaud creativity around here, you know.
What else? Oh yeah, there’s some major Bud Light controversy surrounding our most recent former president and the current one. How’s that for a tease?
There’s also a new TikTok trend that’s killing people. So, you know, we’ll get into it. And, oh yeah! It’s also Sofia Vergara’s birthday! We will of course celebrate accordingly.
Be like everyone at the Luke Combs concert over the weekend and grab a Miller Lite — class is in session.
Danica Patrick continues her unreal European run
I know it seems like we’re beating a dead horse here, but this current content bender from Danica Patrick is next level.
Joe Kinsey blogged about it a few weeks ago when Danica first arrived overseas and celebrated by jumping into the lake with a bunch of Euro boys, saying we all need to buckle up for a wild ride.
And guess what? He was right. Danica was back at it again over the weekend, this time riding an Italian man up and down the street.
Relax, animals. They were on a bike. She was riding a bike.
Summer’s Hottest Lifeguard, the Olivia Dunne of the Pool, goes ‘Princess Leia In The Gold Bikini’
What an insane workout from Danica Patrick. She’s truly a pistol. Her and Aaron Rodgers were NEVER going to work out.
Let’s now check in with Andreea Dragoi — the San Jose State swimmer not only dubbed the Olivia Dunne of the Pool BUT also Summer’s Hottest Lifeguard.
What a title.
Looks like our girl was back to saving the lives this week after the holiday while also channeling her inner Star Wars/Friends.
We all obviously grew up watching Carrie Fisher melt the non-existent 1990s internet in Return of the Jedi when she wore the infamous gold bikini, right? Feel like that’s a childhood staple of anyone around 30 right now.
Anyway, Andreea here obviously crushed it between shifts, which also reminded me of the great Friends episode with Ross and Rachel.
And as you all know, we’re very pro-Jennifer Aniston around here.
We have a presidential Bud Light bus controversy
Some people love to hate on Friends, which I don’t get. It still holds up to this day, and was right in that golden age of TV where you could still say and do things without getting cancelled and also didn’t feel the need to inject politics into every episode.
The best. Friends, King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld were all reservation TV between 1994-2007. Maybe mix in a little Boy Meets World on an ABC Friday night and you have yourself a party.
Let’s now move back to modern day nonsense, where Bud Light continues to get crushed at every turn.
The latest controversy comes to us from Freedom Fest in Colorado, where Nightcaps OG Lauren Boebert fired off a selfie with Donald Trump Jr.
Anyone catch it?
Sure you did — along with the rest of Twitter. Is that a … BUD LIGHT truck … in the background? And does it have Donald Trump on the cover?
Couldn’t be, right?
Well, Don Jr. DID come out in defense of Bud Light a few months back, pointing out that Anheuser-Busch has been big GOP donors in the past.
But, on second glance, turns out it’s even better!
Deadly TikTok trend and tossing chickens
I, for one, am rooting hard for Lauren and Don Jr. to start dating. I can’t think of a more combustible couple. Like Tom and Kim, we need that sort of content right now.
PS: those stickers are on every gas pump in Florida. I love this state.
Let’s jump off some boats and kick this thing into high gear on the way out.
And hey! Let’s start with … jumping off boats!
At least four people have died in Alabama attempting a dangerous TikTok challenge where people leap off of moving boats and hit the water, officials said.
Capt. Jim Dennis of the Childersburg Rescue Squad told NBC News the four people died in the state over the past six months after jumping out of boats.
“The four that we responded to when they jumped out of the boat, they literally broke their neck and, you know, basically an instant death,” Dennis said.
Guys, come on. What are we doing here? Does THIS sound fun?
“Hitting the water from a moving boat is like hitting concrete from jumping multiple stories stories up.“
I loathe TikTok. Admittedly, it’s been good for the content game because it produces serious content, but this ain’t what we’re looking for.
Honestly, it doesn’t even look that bad at first glance. But you’re one slip away from literally being sliced and diced by the motor.
I’m admittedly the furthest thing in the world from a daredevil, so I’m probably the wrong person to really judge this. But still, four deaths in six months ain’t a great ratio.
Does remind me of this classic video, though:
That video is still jarring to this day and it’s gotta be close to 10 years old. Wild. Absolute anarchy.
Now, here’s a hero South Carolina dad chucking chicken feed at his local school board because for some reason they absolutely refuse to stop showing porn books to kids.
Happy birthday, Sofia Vergara!
Instant legend. I hate the public school system more than anything and I don’t even have a kid in it yet. She never will be, either.
Someone buy this dad a Yuengling STAT.
OK, here’s Sofia Vergara celebrating not only reaching 30 million followers, but also turning 51.
In case you had any doubts — yes, Sofia very much still has it.
Now let’s go have a week.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Would you be able to keep up with Danica Patrick in Europe? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.