True Romance: Getting It On Loudly At A Beach Gets Couple Arrested, Women Brawl At Lover's Funeral & Storytime

Settle in and relax for a couple of minutes with this week's True Romance. One of my favorite parts of doing this column every week is the fresh slate I start with. I have no idea where I'm going to end up come Thursday.

I don't try to force anything and even during what seems to be slow weeks, romance finds a way to deliver. I do my best to let it come to me naturally. The last thing I want is for there to be any outside interference trampling on that.

The weekly journey is a beautiful thing. I've never once doubted that there would be enough True Romance in the world to keep me busy.

The whole Dianna Russini drama, if the allegations are true, is a healthy reminder that it can sometimes get away from us. It's also, as I said last week, a testament to the strength of their marriages.

But the reality is that sometimes marriages fall apart. And sometimes, after those marriages fall apart, you take control of your career and get into the content game.

That's reportedly what Shannon Elizabeth is currently up to. She's now in the content game on OnlyFans after Page Six reports she quietly split from her husband.

Not everyone gets the happily ever after. Marriages end, and you have to ride solo for a period of time. But that doesn’t mean hope is lost. There's someone out there for everyone.

Someone willing to travel to a foreign country and piss off the locals by banging at the beach. Or someone who will fight at your funeral right next to your casket with your other lover.

Perhaps that person is a member of a SWAT team who is taking a moment during a standoff to hop on a dating app to find love. That's all anyone wants in a relationship. They just want someone willing to risk it all for them.

That's not too much to ask for, is it?

A French couple on vacation get carried away at the beach and end up being arrested for annoying locals with loud sex 

A couple of French tourists in Thailand, identified only as Halan and Nadia, both 24, pissed off the locals by having loud sex on a remote beach.

The video of the incident, which reportedly went viral, shows little to no effort to conceal their broad daylight activities in the sand at Rayee Beach. 

Some witnesses claimed, according to the NY Post, that the couple "could be heard from across the beach. That's not the sort of behavior they want to see going down on their beaches.

Haters of love? I wouldn’t go that far. I've never been to Thailand, but I recall hearing a story or two. They apparently don’t want their beaches littered with tourists getting it on in the middle of the day.

The backlash from the locals caused the police, who the locals were critical of for not monitoring the area, to track the hopeless romantics down at their hotel. They were then arrested.

"So many foreigners do this when they come here. They’re like animals. I would rather be poor, without any tourists visiting, than live in this environment," one local said.

"Great, go for it. Because in our country, there are no rules or regulations. It’s shameful. You can do whatever you want because the laws aren’t strict enough," said another.

Police say that the couple admitted to having sex on the beach, the activity, not the drink, and were fined roughly the equivalent of $157 for "committing an indecent act in public by being naked or exposing the body, or committing other obscene acts."

The horny couple, who said they got "carried away in the moment," claimed that they didn’t know they weren’t allowed to bang on the beach.

That very well may be the case. But it's not an excuse. I get it, they got caught up in the moment, they're on vacation and all of that, but you have to check with the locals about their loud sex on the beach policy before going for it.

That, if nothing else, is a sign of respect. Who knows they could bend the rules for you if you extend the courtesy. Romance is no different than anything else in life, it's a learning experience. Embrace it.

This Week In True Romance

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A couple of women who found out they were both lovers of the same cheating dead man fought at his funeral

Do you even know what it's like to be loved if you're not certain the person you're with would be willing to fight one of your other lovers at your funeral? I'd have to say no.

If you don't know the answer to that question, you don’t know what it's like to truly be loved. How could you? Being loved even after death to the point of being worthy of a fistfight as you lay in your casket is special.

I want to believe this man in Veracruz, Mexico knew that before he died. Those at his funeral who witnessed it firsthand have to have left with a new perspective on love.

All hell broke loose next to the man's casket when a woman's goodbye was heard by another. The woman said, reports The Sun, "Love, I’m going to miss you."

This personal farewell prompted the other woman to jump to her feet. She wanted to know who this woman calling her dead lover "love" was.

When she learned that the woman was also romantically involved with the dead man, the two ladies started throwing down right there by the man's casket.

This is what love looks like, people.

This guy had a lot to give and, with his death, it was revealed that he had spent some of his life giving that love to the right women. We should all be so lucky.

What is the wildest thing you have seen at a bachelorette or bachelor party?

I think we've probably been down this road before, but there are so many bachelorette and bachelor party stories out there that I couldn’t pass up wrapping the week up by going down that road again.

The short but very touching groom lap dance story alone is worth another bachelorette and bachelor party storytime. There's some unexpected romance that blossomed mixed in as well.

Let's get to it, from Reddit:

• My buddy brought his 82 year old gradpa to his bachelor party because he was feeling lonely. We all thought we'd have to babysit him. By 2am we were at a dive bar and gradpa had won $400 playing pool against some local sharks, convinced the bartender to give us a veteran discount on the entire tab and was teaching the groom how to properly negotiate a mortgage while doing shots of midori. btw he was the only one who didn't have a hangover the next morning.
• The bride got too drunk at dinner. Cried in the parking lot. Had to pull over multiple times for the bride to throw up on the way back to the AIRBNB. One of the times the bride couldn’t wait and puked out the window before we could pull over. The maid of honor had her head out the window in the backseat filming the bride as she’s puking out the window. The maid of honor got a mouthful of the brides puke in her mouth as she had her mouth open laughing as she’s filming the bride puking from the front seat passenger window. Maid of honor starts puking out the back seat passenger window. So. Much. Vomit. It wasn’t even 8pm…..
• Met my buddy the groom at a local bar. Everyone was buying him drinks. We agreed to meet at a strip bar about 20 minutes away. We get there, no groom. Wait 1/2 hour, still nothing. We all leave. See the groom at work the following Monday. Face and hands all torn up. Ask what happened. His future brother in law was driving him to the club. On the way he got the pukes. BIL pulls over on the side of the Interstate and my buddy gets out to puke over the guard rail. However, he falls over the guard rail, rolls down a hill into picker bushes. Luckily, the BIL is a big dude. Goes down the hill, drags him back up and puts him in the car. Takes him back home and drops him in his bed. I would have liked to see the look on his face when he woke from his alcohol induced event, and looked in the mirror. Priceless!
• I was the stripper at a bachelor party. They had me give the groom a lap dance to Randy Newman’s song You Got a Friend in Me from toy story.
• We ordered the groom to be 'kidnapped', so he could get to the actual party. First, we went to the sauna, and then a car pulled up on the street. Two well-dressed thugs got out, threw the groom in the trunk, and drove off. But when we looked, the police stopped the car with the groom two streets away. With guns drawn, they put the guys on the road, and before we could get there and explain, they had already handcuffed them and started 'rescuing' the groom, who thought it was just another part of the show and was mocking the poor quality of the police.
• Bride and groom having their parties same night different parts of town. At some point we lose the groom. Not sure where he is. Get called by the maid of honor about 90 mins later she walked in on them going at it in the brides limo
• bride's mom showed up uninvited, got drunker than everyone else, and ended up making out with the stripper. nobody talks about it. ever.
• Stripper found out the incredibly shy, introverted, 28 year old guy who was blushing so red we thought he was going to pass out, was a virgin. She kept flirting, she kept getting very flirty, she kept giving him lap dances. He just sat there and grinning and not making eye contact. She left with him, everyone assumed he was getting laid. He took her to Denny's for 1:00am breakfast, they walked in the park, she went back to his place, he gave her the bed and he slept on the sofa. He drove her 90 minutes home the next day, hung out with her and her roommate....and the stripper and her roommate set him up with the roommates non-stripper sister. He married the sister.
• The Uber driver came with us to a strip club in Nashville. We bought him drinks and dances. He was a cool dude named Mohamed from Somalia. It was a weird visual, a bunch of dumb loud stereotype high fiving white guys, and their new friend Mo from Somalia just chanting LETS GO Mo! Mo! Mo! Mo! Mo! Mo! WOOOOOOO! Mo was the fuckin man. We lost him at some point. I hope he's doing well.
• The grandma of the bride pulled off the g string of a male stripper…. I am still shook and this was in 2002!
• Buddy’s bachelor party in the early 2000s. We here bar/club hopping and after the 3rd strip club, we thought it was a good idea to give the leftover bottle of crown to the limo driver since he stopped at the liquor store for us. Left the next strip club to come out to the limo driver stuck in the lot and drunk. We had to help him clear the corner and had him call another driver. Not a smart idea to give the designated driver a bottle of liquor
• A bartender taking out her breasts and shooting breast milk into the open mouth of a gentlemen in the bachelor party. Then the rest of the guys wanted to try so she charged them each $20 and gave them a mouthful.

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That is all the True Romance that I can stuff into this column this week. Feel free to reach out with anything you want to share. As always, you can reach me, anonymously if you prefer, at sean.joseph@outkick.com. Also, go follow along on Twitter and on Facebook. The DMs are always open.