Paige Spiranac Shows Off Her New Butt, Mike Tomlin Sweats Like You've Never Seen & A Nasty Hot Mic Situation
Happy Hump Day to all who celebrate! And for those wondering – that's all of you. Don't worry. It's OK. You can. This is a safe space.
We're going to start April's first Hump Day with Paige Spiranac's butt, if that tells you anything. We don't judge around here. Unless, of course, it's rating asses. In that case, we very much do judge!
Let's have a big one.
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we do exactly what I just told you we're going to do, and go from there.
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What else? I've got the ‘ol Hot Mic catching a couple lacrosse bros having a filthy conversation, Mike Tomlin sweating in a way that I have never seen a human sweat, and maybe we’ll break down which table we'd like to sit at during this NFL coach's poolside chat.
Seriously, I cannot get enough of this video. It's like spotting bigfoot out in the wild. Wait till you see Andy Reid. It's peak male stuff.
OK, grab you a PB&J to celebrate National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!
We start with Paige Spiranac, because she's earned it around here
It's not often I start with the hot girl – mainly because I have anxiety that half of y'all will leave right after – but Paige Spiranac deserves it. She's a vet. She's the OG. She's the one who started it all back before the days of NIL and "influencing."
She's sort of the PB&J of the influencing world, if you think about it. How's THAT for a tie-in? You need a good snack? PB&J. Every single time. Never fails you. Never, ever, ever.
In the pantheon of sandwich-snacks, I'd put PB&J as the undisputed No. 1. Fine – Mount Rushmore!
1. PB&J
2. Bologna
3. Turkey and provolone
4. Fluffernutter
Also acceptable: anything in the uncrustable universe.
Dark horse: ham & cheese hot pocket. Not really a sandwich, but I could make a case for it.
Whew. What a weird pit-stop. It's why we win awards, though. Well, that and Paige Spiranac fine-tuning her ass like it's the Daytona 500 (whatever that means)!
Cory will not shut UP!
No, Paige did NOT make her original tweet bashing this hater's skull shareable – which is why I have to just include the link and the NY post story. Sad. That tells me that Paige doesn't want this going as viral as it could, which I think is a shame.
She's hot. She's got big boobs and an even bigger butt. She's an excellent golfer. All of those things took hard work and dedication. If I looked like Paigeviews, I'd be flaunting it all over the place, too. I'd be insufferable with it.
I do not, though – luckily for you. I actually just started running again this week in preparation for my brother's wedding at the end of the month. Ask me how my legs feel today?
Awful. They feel awful. God, I'm out of shape. Pathetic.
Not Paige, though. So piss off, Patrick Micafee. That is a great Twitter handle, though. I respect that. But everything else? Hogwash.
We stand with Paige Spiranac's butt around here, and we ain't scared to say it!
That's our girl! Keep grinding, Paige. Don't let the losers get you down.
Speaking of insufferable losers who make the world truly dumber by opening their mouths … let's check in with New Jersey's Cory Booker!
Hot mic, Hot MIKE & the coach's table
Hilarious. Objectively, that is hilarious. What a loser. My God, they're so lost.
Frankly, it's amazing on both ends. Fair if fair, and I have to be fair here. Cory Booker is a huge dork. This much we know. You can see it. But, credit where credit is due – it was an impressive display.
Could you imagine not being able to shit for 24 hours? Or take a leak? I don't mind the eating part. I could do that. We've all been in college before. You go to bed at 6 a.m., wake up at 4 p.m. That's half the day without eating. It's doable.
But peeing? Pooping? No shot. I can't make it two hours down the road without having to stop for a No. 1 or 2. Road trips with me are a nightmare. So, yes – credit to Cory Booker here.
The rest of it is garbage, though. And pathetic. Mainly pathetic. This guy just put himself through 25 hours of hell just to walk out the doors to a 21% approval rating. Tough spot. How much of a let-down was that when he got home, flipped on CNN, and saw that breakdown? Brutal. I'd be so demoralized.
But, as is life for a looney-tunes Lib in 2025. But hey! Happy Liberation Day to Cory and Company! Can't believe I forgot that at the top of the hour! My bad.
Big day!
You get a tariff! You get a tariff! You get a tariff! Tariffs for everyone!! Big day at 1600 Penn. Let's finish strong.
Rapid-fire time on the way out. First up? Let's all remember to be wary of our surroundings the next time we're at a sporting event. This is your friendly PSA:
Goodness gracious. What a conversation. Frankly, I'm more impressed that this guy who caught the moment live was actually watching a D3 lacrosse game. That's INSANE dedication.
PS: Muhlenberg College – one of the teams in the video – was my first college hit. True story! That's back-to-back classes with a college flashback, and back-to-back classes that I have the props to prove it!
See? I WAS an athlete. For those wondering … we lost that game 20-3. Not because of me, though! 1 for 3 with an RBI single in the second to tie the game at 2.
Clearly, it was all downhill after that.
OK, let's head out to the NFL meetings for a couple quickies to wrap up our first Hump Day of April. Big question of the day? Where would YOU sit at this poolside cocktail hour?
So, right off the bat I'll go ahead and say that I'm staying away from the Mike McDaniel group. I'm a Dolphins fan, so this pains me, but that looks like a whole lotta yapping for a relaxing poolside happy hour.
Mike's a talker, but he's also a weirdo and really goes off on some weird tangents. Trust me, I sit through his press conferences for 18 weeks in the fall. It's a grind. I couldn't imagine how long he hijacked that conversation for. No thanks.
That weirdo from Jacksonville who went viral for saying "Duuuuuuuuuuval" in a creepy way earlier this year is clearly the odd man out, as he's just sitting in the sun hoping to God someone acknowledges him. I'm steering clear of him, too.
Now, there's an empty chair next to Ryan Fitzpatrick. If I'm a bystander at this pool, I make a beeline to that one. Clearly, that's your winner. Couple drinks with Fitzpatrick by the pool? Cannot think of a better time.
If that's not an option, I'm going with the Mike Tomlin/Andy Reid combo at the end. That's a solid table for lunch. Two vets who are probably just sitting there, eating their food, making funny little comments to each other about how insufferable the rest of the group is. They are 10000% making fun of McDaniel and the fact that he won't shut up.
That's my sort of table. Love a good people-watching session. Love Andy Reid. Love Mike Tomlin, even though he sort of scares me. That's the table to be at.
Finally, speaking of Mike …
My God. What a SWEAT! That looked like me after a 5-minute jog yesterday. To be fair, though, I'd probably look like that, too, if I was staring down the barrel of a potential Aaron Rodgers season.
Yikes. Godspeed, Mikey!
OK, that's all for today. Here's more Paige on the way out.
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Where are you sitting? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.