Martha Stewart’s DMs Are Wild, Sofia Vergara Skips The Emmys, And A Delicious Beer Planet Could Be Inhabitable
All the news you need to know from the week that was
It’s Saturday, which means it’s time for you to pour another cup of coffee, plop on the couch (or toilet; I won’t judge), and catch up on the news you may have missed from this week with a little help from The Punch-Up!
And what a week it was!
We’ve got octogenarian Martha Stewart talking about having fellas in her DMs, a delicious-sounding, thirst-quenching planet might be habitable, and even Sofia Vergara didn’t want to sit through the Emmys.
Martha and Sofia? Hopefully, this edition ages like fine wine, too.
Anyway, without further ado, let’s dig right on in …
Sofia Vergara missed the Emmys after suffering an allergic reaction in her eye on the way there. So, even the stars will do whatever they can to not have to sit through the awards show.
Actress Hannah Einbinder capped off her acceptance speech by cheering on the Philadelphia Eagles, slamming ICE, and saying "Free Palestine." She was promptly given another award for "Most Obnoxious Person in Hollywood."
Police in Lancaster County, Pa. had trouble rounding up several pigs that were on the loose. Authorities say it’s the last time they’ll invite The View to shoot an episode in town.
President Trump visited the UK this week, where he met with King Charles and the Prince of Wales. The meeting was cordial despite the president wearing a trucker hat that read, "Revolutionary War Champs."
The White House shut down a rumor that Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy Stephen Miller plays with dolls. According to the White House, they’re action figures.
Martha Stewart, 84, says her DMs light up every time she posts a thirst trap on Instagram. The only thing is that most guys messaging her are thirsty for Ensure.
Jimmy Kimmel’s late-night show was suspended indefinitely over remarks he made about the assassination of Charlie Kirk. The time slot was filled by reruns of Family Feud, meaning insomniacs without cable might get a chuckle for once.
A yellow sex toy thrown on the field during last Sunday’s Bengals-Jaguars game was mistaken for a flag. Apparently, they thought it was part of some new league-wide promotional deal with Spencer’s gifts.
Olympic medalist Fred Kerley says he will compete in the upcoming steroid-fueled Enhanced Games. Kerley says he’s excited about the opportunity since it’s pretty much the same as the regular Olympics.
Got all of that?
Good. See you back here next week.