MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Enjoys A Slice Of Greenland, Kimmel Sobs & An America-Hating Slob Is On The Loose!

Over the hump and safely onto the other side. A lot of tension in the air today. Everyone is up in arms about Greenland. Do we own Greenland yet? Hell if I know. Not my lane. 

But buddy, I'm here for the #content. Are there any football players over there who can play quarterback for the Miami Dolphins next season? If so, I'm all in. Let's get this deal done before free agency starts in March, and get to WORK. 

Other than that? A LOT of lib crying today. A ton. I also got an all-time email last night (this morning) at around 3 a.m. I brought it to class for today's show & tell. Can't wait. Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where Anna Paulina Luna enjoys herself a nice slice of Greenland cake as the Libs pout in the corner. 

What else? I've got an America-hating scumbag on the loose in Australia, Jarrett Stidham's wife is ready for her call to the big leagues, and the insufferable late-night hosts were ON ONE last night. My God. They just don't stop. 

Fine with me, though. More #content for this award-winning class. 

Grab you a blonde brownie for National Blonde Brownie Day, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!

I prefer Greenland cake, myself 

I don't usually do this – mainly because if I start with the hot girl I assume half the class will leave, and that'll make me sad – but I'm doing it today. 

I've never understood the "blonde brownie" phenomenon. Seems like an oxymoron to me. There is no chocolate in it. That's what makes it blonde. So why even use the word "brownie" in the name? Now, to be fair, it's also called a Blondie, which I guess makes more sense. 

All that being said, I don't prefer a blonde in this situation, which is something I never thought I'd say. It's jarring just to see it spelled out, frankly. But, in this case, the brownie is the superior dessert by a country mile. It's not particularly close.  

Nobody asked, and I realize that, but I needed to stall a bit to start class. Stalling over. Anna Paulina Luna prefers cake to it all, and I can also hop on board with that:

Kimmel sobs because he has to do the unthinkable 

Incredible. Again, I do not care. I know nothing about Greenland, nor do I care. 

There isn't a timeline out there that exists where I would ever care about what's going on with Greenland. It's so far out of my lane (thank goodness) that we're not even on the same interstate. 

That being said, seeing the Libs melt down because Anna Paulina Luna cut a Greenland cake at the holier-than-thou Kennedy Center (isn't it the Trump Center now?) was quite enjoyable to see this morning. 

We truly live in a wonderful era of politics. I say it all the time. I know it seems tiresome and exhausting at times, but we're gonna look back on this era years from now and miss the hell out of it. 

I will also miss seeing poor Jimmy Kimmel throw a tantrum because he has to – GASP – do the absolute bare minimum and have a conservative guest on his insufferable show once in a while. 

Oh no! How will he push his agenda now?!

Jane, tennis & Kennedy, oh my!

Incredible. God forbid late-night shows have to bring a Republican on during election season. Oh no! The audacity. I don't know anything about the laws and the rules, but the fact that they've been exempt from this for this long is, frankly, ridiculous. 

These lunatics on late night all air on network TV, right? As in, the channels we all get. NBC, CBS, ABC. And they can just push whatever hell agenda they have onto their audiences? And there is NO pushback on that? Seems a little silly, doesn't it? 

And guess what? I'd be saying the same thing if the shoe were on the other foot. I had a buddy, years ago during Trump 1.0, tell me to just watch local news and nothing else. And that's because local news, for the most part, plays it pretty much down the middle – with no real opinion injected into their newscasts. 

I understand late-night shows are heavily opinionated, obviously, and that's fine … for the most part. But when it comes to this? Yeah, I don't think it's a big ask to require them to give equal time to both sides. 

I'd bet anything that if they did this, their audiences – and that includes Fallon, Seth Meyers and Colbert – would increase. Just a hunch. 

Anyway, let's rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big Thursday night. Speaking of those insufferable late-night shows …

My God. It's incredible. Nope. Not kidnapping anyone. Nope, not deporting American citizens. Yep, shooting people – but only when they try to run them over. Which, I think Jane would agree, is fair. 

Just lies. Lies on top of lies on top of lies. And how about the shirt? Just perfect. Chefs kiss. No notes. Perfection. 

Much like this amazing email I read this morning at 3 a.m. while my kid was up with a sore throat. From Dan R: (please excuse the shocking misuse of punctuation)

What right? Do you have to comment on Coco G in any way whatsoever?

If you think this country you live in allows you the freedom to write like a complete idiot. You do deserve all of the angry jealous comments you have made. Only a complete idiot like yourself would make the comments that you made in this article. Have you ever heard the saying Walk a mile in my shoes? Well, why don't you try to walk a mile in the shoes of those of color and the suffering that they have endured throughout the entire history of the United States.. 

The United States is a joke and thanks to Trump is being dumped into the trash can it deserves to be in. I hope on your deathbed that you suffer because that's what idiots like you deserve. 

Keep your opinions to yourself. asshole 

Just a humdinger here from Dan. It's already hanging on my fridge. Loved every second of it. But, unlike late-night TV, we welcome all opinions to this class! So, welcome, Dan! Look forward to seeing you every day. 

Finally … if Dan didn't like my comments on Coca Gauff, he's really not gonna love what I'm about to say about this scumbag, America-hating hackjob that is grilling every single American tennis player about how awful life is under Donald Trump:

Imagine flying 20 hours (assuming he wasn't already in Australia) to cover a major tennis tournament (sounds awful already), and then you spend the whole time just GRILLING Americans on Donald Trump and the state of America? Just imagine living your life like that. It must be such a miserable existence. 

Riley's right. The liberal sports media is next-level insufferable. They're all so diseased, and so lost. And, frankly, so sad. 

PS: how about THIS question this jackass fired off later in the day:

The US is a year into the second Trump administration now and a lot of people are suffering and I'm wondering how you're feeling about things back home, personally, and specifically what the mood is like in Florida?

As OutKick's resident Florida guy, I can take this one. 

It's euphoric. We love living in Florida under Ron DeSantis and Donald Trump. The past eight years have been, easily, the greatest eight years in the history of this state. Everyone wants to come here. They can't build houses fast enough. We have so much money in the budget, our governor is looking into abolishing property taxes. It's warm out every single day. The women are gorgeous. More importantly, they're sane (looking at you, Minnesota). We don't mutilate our kids. We go to church. We enjoy life. 

Thanks for asking!

OK, that's it for today. Let's all welcome Jarrett Stidham's wife, Kennedy, to class, and have ourselves a big night in the greatest country on earth. 

See you tomorrow. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

How has life under Trump 2.0 been for you over the past year? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.