MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Stuffed In A Lib-Triggering Christmas Dress, Al Michaels Is Toast & CBS Madelyn!

Here we are, boys and girls. Another Friday. Another weekend. For those keeping track at home, this is the second-to-final weekend before Christmas. 

I know. Hard to believe, right? But it's true. We've got this weekend. We've got next weekend. Then, it's Christmas week. Time to head out to the Sears and JCPenny at the mall NOW before they get too crowded!

Hurry up and get to Brookstone before everything sells out! 

Get those letters in the big mailbox in the middle of Macy's before it's too late!

All the stuffed animals are selling out at the big Disney store. Go this weekend!

Dillard's has some great holiday deals, don't miss out!

Did I miss anything? No? Good! Now that you're all full of nostalgia and sadness, let's get this class going. 

Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps –  the one where Anna Paulina Luna and Lauren Boebert DOMINATE the White House Christmas party and trigger the LIBS. 

What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded week of #content, Al Michaels had another rough night, CBS girl Madelyn Burke makes her debut, and the US of A has a COMMANDING lead in the OnlyFans game. 

And by that, I mean we're pretty gross. Horny, but gross. 

Grab you a pretzel from the Auntie Anne's in the mall food court later today, and settle in for a Friday 'Cap!

America's Game is tomorrow, and we respect that around here

Let's spin the wheel and … decide to keep it loosey-goosey around here today! Been a LOADED week with all the Sherrone Moore stuff. I'm tired of it. You're tired of it. Let's get back to the Xs and Os of college football. 

It's Army-Navy week, folks. The absolute best football game of the year. For a lot of us, it's the first time we'll actually turn on CBS on a Saturday afternoon this season. 

The pregame stuff. Trump. The bands. The absolute SLOG of a game that it always turns into. Sometimes it's a blizzard. Sometimes it's a blowout. Doesn't matter. These young men deserve all of our eyeballs on them tomorrow. The uniforms. The scenes. The vibes. 

It's the best. Every year, it's the best. This College GameDay open from 2019 still sends a shiver down my spine every single time:

What a week of #content!

Chills. Every year. It never fails. I miss GameDay opens like that. They're all the same now. We used to have it all, folks. 

Anyway, this is the best college football Saturday of the year, which is odd given we only get one game. But it never disappoints. You do a little Christmas shopping, come back home just in time for the festivities to start, fire up the smoker, and watch our future troops do battle on the field. 

Plus, I assume Trump will be there, and the Libs will faint. That's always a plus!

OK, let's get to the #content from a week full of DRAMA. Biff DAMN Poggi leads us off!

Al, Bijan & Anna Paulina!

Another big week! You all navigated a newsy week with grace and aplomb. Never a doubt in my mind. Couple thoughts …

1. Welcome to class, CBS Sports HQ girl Madelyn Burke. What a rotation over at CBS, huh? Jenny Dell, Amanda Balionis, Melanie Collins and now Madelyn? Elite rotation. 

2. I'm the 6th seed in my fantasy playoffs at 7-7, and have no shot at winning. None. How I'm 7-7, I have no idea. I traded JSN earlier this year for JK Dobbins and Xavier Worthy (idiot), and somehow still made the playoffs. 

Anyway, all that to say that I have no QB and picked up Phillip Rivers yesterday to try and spark a deep run. 

This is how you win in January, boys and girls. You need the VETS in the locker room leading the way to have a shot. That's why we brought Phil in. I think I'm about to go on a run they'll talk about in this league for decades to come. 

(PS: Guy I'm playing has Bijan Robinson, so I'm already cooked)

3. How about the absolutely commanding lead the USA has in OnlyFans spending? Just an unreal number. $2.6 billion! The next highest country – the UK – is only at $531 million. This is the American Dream in 2025. 

4. Todd Bowles seems well. 

Speaking of potty-mouth Todd … let's rapid-fire this Friday class into a big Friday night! You know who could use some edge to their game like Todd? Al freaking Michaels:

I mean, let's just be honest here. If this is the sort of dogshit effort Al's going to give us, it's time to call it a career. I'm serious. I love Al Michaels. Love him. Love him to DEATH. 

He's a legend and a Hall of Famer and a big part of all of our childhoods. Whether you're 50 or 15, Al's always been there. 

But that was pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. He called that field goal like it was a preseason game in August. Nobody would blame him for walking away. Nobody would think twice about it. 

Lord knows I would've done it years ago, especially with what I assume Al's bank account looks like. 

It's time. Clearly, it's time. And if Al wants to keep doing it, as he's hinted at, then I'm going to need a better effort. It has to be better. Plain and simple. 

Next? Let's stay in Tampa and check in with … Bijan Robinson (or, as Al called him last night, ‘Brian’ Robinson)!

"Smear the queer!" That's a phrase I haven't heard in quite some time. Maybe since middle school. Maybe even elementary school. 

"Smear the queer," for you Gen-Zers in class today, is basically just backyard football with no rules. It's rugby, essentially. Whoever had the ball at recess was getting tackled. Whoever got the ball next was the next queer. 

People used to get ROCKED. This is back when America was a proper country and football was a violent sport, by the way. 

A simpler time. 

Shockingly, the LIBS sharpened their pitchforks last night after hearing this DISGUSTING language, and forced Bijan to send a predictable apology tweet:

Amazing. It never, ever fails. 

Speaking of triggering the LIBS, let's end the week with MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna and Lauren Boebert absolutely dominating the White House Christmas Ball last night. 

Take us home, gals. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You ever play Smear the Queer? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.