The Hot White House Babes Trigger The Libs In Green Dresses, Cracker Barrel Under Attack & WNBA's MAGA Barbie!
Over the hump and safely to the other side of the week. It's all downhill from here – and that's a good thing!
Can't believe we're one week away from the first Thursday of March Madness. Finally, something to do. The period between the Super Bowl and March Madness is such a grind. I know it's coming every year, and every year it sucks worse than the last.
I don't think I've opened my Hard Rock app in a month. Do you know how impressive that is, given that I spent four straight months on it during the fall? Now, on the flip side, I can finally afford my mortgage this month because I've saved up so much money, but really, what fun is that?
It's not. Starting next week, we hop back in the saddle. Let's roll.
Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – where we welcome White House pistol Anna Kelly (and friends!) back to class in St. Patty's day green, and go from there.
What else? I've got Paige Spiranac taking on TPC Sawgrass, Justin Spieth having himself a MORNING, the scumbags at PETA attacking our great Cracker Barrel, and maybe we'll end the day by welcoming fan-favorite Sophie Cunningham back to class.
The MAGA Barbie was a big hit last week – shocking! I ain't above going back to the well around here, if you haven't noticed.
Grab you a Guinness, say a toast with the hot Women of the White House as they gear up for St. Patrick's Day, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!
The wokes are coming after our Cracker Barrel
Hate to start the day on a sour note, but what do I always say? You give these people an inch, they'll take a mile. Ain't happening. Not on my watch. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
PETA – yes, those insufferable scumbags – dropped this dumbass billboard in Alabama this week to fight Cracker Barrel's usage of … eggs.
Eggs!
(Credit: PETA)
So, here's the quickie (my specialty) lowdown on what exactly is going on here …
Early last month, a nasty little battle between the Barrel and Waffle House broke out over the price of eggs. Because Joe Biden slaughtered 30 million chickens last year, the price of eggs has skyrocketed (although they're already coming back down, thank you, Trump!).
Some chains, like Waffle House, adjusted to the chicken outage by adding a 50-cent surcharge on eggs. Cracker Barrel chose not to bend the knee, and kept the price of eggs status-quo. That's because they're great patriots, by the way.
Anyway, the scumbags at PETA are now coming after them for murdering hens. God, I hate them.
Following a ridiculous feud between meaty eateries Waffle House and Cracker Barrel over the former’s 50-cent surcharge per egg, PETA has erected a sky-high message on Montgomery’s east side, just a stone’s throw from both chains, to remind everyone that it’s actually hens in the egg industry who pay the highest price—their lives—and to urge everyone to try widely available, delicious vegan eggs.
What a day at TPC!
Vegan eggs. That's right, boys and girls. You heard it here first. Vegan eggs! Didn't know those even existed, but apparently, they do.
Hey, PETA – you are welcome to piss all the way off. Leave Cracker Barrel alone. Leave our eggs alone. Trump's fixing it. Let him cook, and stay outta the way.
I said it in the above story, and I'll say it again here for those who slept in earlier today.
I want everyone to drop what they're doing, head to your nearest Cracker Barrel, and order up as many Sunrise Samplers as possible. Maybe mix in a Grandma's Breakfast while you're at it.
Grab you a Best of Conway Twitty CD while you're there, and then scoop up some candy from WWII on the way out. There. The perfect way to spend a Thursday night.
If you don't want breakfast, get you some meatloaf. Trust me. You are welcome!
Fight back. Don't give these lunatics an INCH.
OK, let's head over to TPC and check in on all the #content we got on Day 1 of The Players – including Paige!
Quote of the century, Sophie Fever & the Dems' new strategy!
What a start to the fifth major! Club tosses, divots the size of Chicago, Paige, the full Jordan Spieth experience … God, I love this tournament. Make it a major, PGA! Do the right thing.
OK, we need to rapid-fire this bad boy into a big Thursday night, because I had a 45-minute meeting earlier today and my ass is up AGAINST it. Let's roll.
First up? THIS IS MARCH!
Amazing. Reminds me of my four-year career at insufferable Emerson College, where our great baseball team went 2-27 my sophomore year, only to win three games the next year and three more my senior year.
We knew we'd be ass. They knew we'd be ass. We were, in fact, ass. I did make third-team all-conference my sophomore year, though!
Next? Look who made her Indiana Fever debut yesterday!
Choose your fighter, boys and girls. You can either have Sophie Cunningham, who is ready to smash some skulls and put the team first in Indiana, or … Angel Reese:
Come on. We're with the MAGA Barbie!
Finally, speaking of fighters … let's check in with the Democrats' latest strategy, which seems to just be cussing like a bunch of snot-nosed sailors:
Take us home, ladies!
My God. They're just so lost. So, so, soooooooooo lost. It's impressive, really, how dumb they are. This is what they've been reduced to.
Just paying some pink-haired college intern to post dumb things on Twitter that they think will make them cool and hip and progressive.
Between that and the purple-haired wacko in Connecticut dancing on the TikTok, I think we've basically wrapped up 2028 already. On to 2032!
The Dems can have … whatever that is. We have the hot, intelligent women currently running the White House communications team on our side.
Easy call, for me at least.
Take us home, Anna (and friends!).
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You been to Cracker Barrel lately? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.