Brad Pitt Gets Burgled, Bezos Gets Hitched, And Simone Biles Quits Again
All the news you need to know from the week that was.
A lot of stuff happened over the last seven days, so you’ll be forgiven if you missed any of it (but try harder next time, please).
So, The Punch-Up is here to get you up to speed on all of the news you need to know from the week that was.
We had Brad Pitt getting burgled, Jeff Bezos wifed-up, and Simone Biles did what she does best and quit something.
There was even more than that, so let’s dig right on in!
Simone Biles has deleted her X account after getting into a feud on the platform with Riley Gaines over transgender athletes in women’s sports. Some were surprised by the move, but quitting social media would be par for the course for someone who once quit in the middle of the Olympics.
Experts say that spicy foods may help people live longer, healthier lives. This study was funded by the good people at TUMS.
AC/DC fans are calling for the band to hang it up after some underwhelming live performances on their latest tour. The band responded to the criticism by saying fans were stupid for thinking that a 70-year-old man running around in a schoolboy costume would make for quality entertainment.
The Indiana Fever now have an official tampon sponsor after cutting a deal with the brand Sequel. The Fever joins a list of other brand ambassadors that includes such luminaries as Minnesota Governor Tim Walz.
Diddy blew a kiss to his family while in court for his trial on sex trafficking and racketeering charges. The judge told him to stop or be held in contempt of court, but that was because people in the front row of the gallery were getting splashed with baby oil.
Leftist bookstores in San Francisco are refusing to sell Harry Potter books because of JK Rowling’s stance on transgenderism. You’d think that people who are convinced that people can change their gender would be all about fantasy books.
A new law in Texas will require public school classrooms to display the Ten Commandments. California politicians have pledged not to pass a similar piece of legislation, not because they don’t believe in it; they know people would just steal the tablets.
A Massachusetts woman says that stress, anxiety, and premenstrual symptoms can cause her to vomit as much as 15 times per hour. It can happen when she eats at Denny’s, too, but that’s normal.
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Got all of that?
Good. See you next week.