Anonymous Mailbag

It’s Tuesday, which means it’s time for me to solve all the world’s problems.

Just in time for the Final Four, you can bet $5 on any team to win in the Final Four and if your team wins, you get back $200. That’s a 40-1 payout for new users, so go get signed up today.

As always, send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

Okay here we go:

“Recently, my husband and I went to Las Vegas with no kids. For the first part of the trip, we were celebrating our anniversary – 21 years married and 25 years together. The second part of the trip, our best friends got married. The night before the wedding, we all went to a strip club. The night was already off to a great start, as we were all pretty drunk when we got to the roundabout in front of our hotel to get a ride to the club. The guy working to direct the traffic in front of our hotel asked where we were going and when we told him, he put us in one of the hotel limos, only asking us to tip our driver. So we get there and each couple gets 2 girls ‘assigned’ to come over and dance for them. They are doing their thing, switching up between the girl and guy during the lap dances, making sure nobody is left just watching. With all the girls in our group, the dancers were very hands on (putting on a great show for the guys, no doubt) and were taking our hands and rubbing our hands all over them. Boobs, thighs, ass, etc. We were all fine with this – especially the guys, I’m sure – as it was done in a harmless, playful, and sexy way, nobody crossed any lines, and we are all in serious, long-term relationships that have solid foundations where we are 100% committed to our partners. When we left, we are all in the limo, talking about what a great time we had. I bring something up that troubled me a little bit, and when I say troubled, I mean in a funny kind of way.

One of the girls did not shave her legs before her shift. And I am not talking about ‘missed a day or two’ – it was like she was participating in No Shave November and was far enough into the challenge calendar that she could have been eating a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers. Stubble (if you can even call it that) that was very hard not to notice. I was blown away! My thought on this is pretty simple – her whole job is to dance and have people feeling up on her all day – well, night – and she should be silky smooth. To me, this is like you going to do your television show and not taking a shower after just going to the gym, or a football player in the Super Bowl lining up to play with no pads on, or a baseball player getting to the plate with no bat – I could go on but I think you get what I am saying. She was just totally unprepared and this is just unacceptable. (I get that I am a little old school and still shave my legs every single day, even though I have a desk job and can wear nice jeans to work, but I have two reasons for this. One is because I have done this everyday since I was old enough and I don’t want to stop and feel like I am letting myself go. But the second reason is – I MIGHT HAVE SEX and I don’t want my husband feeling like he is having sex with Big Foot.) My question is, is it really too much to ask that the dancers shave their legs? Another detail – this was not a hole in the wall, shitty strip club. This particular establishment is considered one of the best strip clubs in Vegas. All the girls in the group agreed, while the guys just thought it was funny that I was talking about one of my dancers not shaving. I get that the guys probably had a ‘just happy to be here’ attitude at the time because they think it is hot that their girls are in the strip club with them getting a lap dance and it probably overrules just about anything else, but I am curious to know your thoughts on this. Am I wrong to have assumed that she should have shaved her legs or do you agree with me that it is just totally unacceptable to go to work as a stripper and not shave your legs?

Love all the shows and the articles. Keep on fighting the good fight and solving all the world’s problems, including stripper etiquette, our great King Solomon of the Internet.”

First, congrats on reaching 21 years of marriage and having a fun and sexy anniversary celebration in Vegas.

Second, do you know which business in America does the best job of diversity and inclusion in the entire country? THE VEGAS STRIP CLUB.

Because no matter what kind of girl you like, there is a girl there for you. Slightly chunky Asian girl with tattoos? You got it. Blond girl with pigtails and a school girl outfit? At your pleasure. Skinny Hispanic woman with an amazing butt? Bingo. Black girl with huge boobs — or no boobs and super lean and athletic body type — you got her too.

It’s incredible. Whatever you could be attracted to, there’s a girl in the Vegas strip club to satisfy your desire.

Whenever I’ve been in a Vegas strip club, I’m always amazed by the diversity of race and how inclusive it is. Same thing with all the people there. They are from a wide variety of backgrounds, black, white, Asian, Hispanic. We are one nation united under hotness in a Vegas strip club.

I bring this up because what you see as a flaw, her hairy legs, might be an intentional move on her part. Sure, it’s possible she’s lazy and has chosen not to shave as a result of that laziness, but she may have also found that she makes better tips if her legs are a bit hairy because the vast majority of the other women are clean shaven. In other words, there may be guys who are attracted to a little hair on their woman’s legs and there’s less competition for those guys because most of the girls have clean shaven legs.

Now I’m not one of the guys with this fetish, but I don’t begrudge the capitalism if, in fact, she’s making this choice to serve an underserved strip club market. I wouldn’t discount this possibility because strippers are super smart about how to market themselves and how to target the customers who are most likely to buy their product.

The money they take home on any given night is directly determined by how they allocate their time and resources. Sit with a good looking dude with no money and you get no money for your work. Make the ugly, fat dude convinced you’re in love with him and he may make it rain on you all night long.

Which choice would you make?

Each night for a stripper is a time investment. It’s capitalism in heels and lingerie. Their time is literally money. I’ve talked to strippers before about how they target their customers — some of them are pretty smart and perceptive, in my experience — and the girls have told me they look for three things: watches and shoes on the men and how the girls are dressed — and what size rings or jewelry they have — if they come to a strip club with women. That’s the best indicator of who has money to spend in the strip club.

I never really thought about it before, but how often do you see a guy in a t-shirt and shorts with an expensive watch? He may be dressed like a beach bum and worth millions of dollars, but the watch sends the message of cash and the rest of his outfit doesn’t matter. Given that most men don’t wear much jewelry, it makes complete sense that the watch would be the number one go to accessory for strippers to check out.

I know it’s trendy to make fun of strippers or look down on them for selling access to their naked bodies for money, but I respect their hustle. (I also don’t have any problem, by the way, with women who want to sell actual sex. As long as consenting adults are involved, I think we should legalize and tax it.) They’ve figured out that the best way to maximize their money for work is by selling the allure of sex. If these women are disciplined and smart about their jobs, they can make more money in their twenties than most women and men will earn in their entire professional careers. Now, of course, many strippers aren’t that smart with their money and blow it away on drugs, alcohol, and absurd cash purchases, but that doesn’t mean some women aren’t putting away their money and setting themselves up to pursue whatever their true passion is once they retire, at a relatively young age, like pro athletes, honestly, from their sport.

Because just like athletes, they are primarily selling their young bodies. And as they age, all young bodies turn into old bodies. I find the entire strip club ecosystem to be fascinating. And, again, it’s probably the best example of a business thriving on diversity and inclusion in the entire country. Think about it, if every stripper looks pretty much the same and targets the same market, everyone makes less money. So the strippers are essentially incentivized to find a niche and target it. The more niches you serve in the strip club, the more money the strippers collectively make.

It’s brilliant.

And hot.

Which is a fantastic combo.

“I am a male in my mid-twenties. Back in early February I asked out a girl that I work with. We then went on a couple dates that I thought went really well. I really like this girl and can see myself marrying her. So it gets complicated. A lot going on here. Last week she ‘sort of’ ended the dating but said she really wanted a friendship with me. But our mutual friend told me she believes that a relationship starts with friendship first and then progresses past that.

She wants to hang out in more informal ways. (For some context/background she’s been on dates, but never had a boyfriend, was homeschooled and seems to me from things said to not really like the concept of dating). My dilemma in this is that as I said I really like this girl and is someone I can see myself marrying but on the flip side I am torn on how to move forward because it’s hard to just be ‘just friends’ with someone you have romantic feelings for (and even stranger when their is feelings both ways) and hope that the relationship progresses past that to marriage. Is it worth the risk to continue on in pursuing her or do you think I should move on? If so how do I continue to pursue her? This is a tough and complicated situation.”

This isn’t about the girl. It’s about you.

I don’t know what you’ve told her on these couple of dates, but when I see a guy write this, “Back in early February I asked out a girl that I work with. We then went on a couple dates that I thought went really well. I really like this girl and can see myself marrying her.”

You went on two dates back in February and you’re already emailing a stranger in March to say you can see yourself marrying her and asking for advice?

My bet is this: the girl thinks you are moving way too fast and wants to put the brakes on so she’s effectively friend zoning you without telling you directly that she’s friend zoning you. She’s doing it through a friend instead because you both work together and she doesn’t want to make things super awkward.

My bet is this girl — who you say hasn’t had much experience in the dating game — has decided she doesn’t want to date you, but isn’t sure how to tell you this because she doesn’t have a lot of experience letting people down lightly and because you work together.

I hate to break it to you, but she’s just not that into you.

The best thing you can do is be cordial to her at work and start pursuing new girls. The best aphrodisiac is often being pursued by others. It’s tough, but this girl is more likely to end up liking you if someone else does it first.

As is, unfortunately, I think you’re trending towards the friend zone. If you’re not careful, before long, you’ll be going out to lunch with her while she tells you about the guys she really likes and seeks your advice on how to date them.

Which is just brutal for any guy.

Every guy out there, at some point, has had to deal with being friend zoned.

So keep your distance, be friendly, and move on to someone else. That’s the only way this girl will ever come back to you. And, truth be told, I think the chances of that are slim.

Finally, you’re in your mid-twenties. Stop dating girls twice and thinking you’re going to marry them.

Just chill, man. It will work out way better for you.

Pro tip: girls like guys who seem unavailable way more than they like guys who seem available.

“My in-laws have already peer pressured my wife into getting a vaccine. So now they are coming for me. They have already asked her if I’m getting the vaccine and she told them that I’m not getting it right now, but if I have to so that I can eventually participate in society because we have lost our freedoms to vaccine passes, then I’ll probably go with the one with the least side effects.

A few days later we are all having dinner and her dad asks me if I’m getting the vaccine. I told him ‘not right now’ and he scolded me that ‘I’m putting my son’s life in danger by not getting vaccinated’ I started to give him the reasons why I’m waiting and he walked off telling me ‘it’s a stupid decision.’

This annoyed me, and it’s still bothering me because I have no plans on getting vaccinated right now. I know this is going to bother them until I’m vaccinated, and they are going to keep pressuring me to get the vaccine. I’m 34 and my son is 2. We are at basically zero risk. To tell me I’m endangering my son is not supported by any fact about 2 year olds (or 34 year olds) and COVID. But he refuses to hear the facts. This man is one of the most logical people I know in business, but the media has completely hijacked him.

So Clay, how do I get my father in law to understand (and hear) the facts?

I thought of telling him that my son is more likely to die in an automobile accident than from COVID, so imagine me showing up to their house for dinner and he walks outside, yelling ‘I can’t believe you drove here! You are putting your son’s life at danger.’ That’s crazy. No one would ever do that because 600+ kids my son’s age are killed in accidents each year (which is less than COVID btw).

I’ve also thought about sending him Alex Berenson’s Unreported Truths series as a gift. I’m open to any ideas that don’t keep my wife from sleeping with me for a month.”

I’d put your thoughts into an email and send it to him (assuming he has an email address that he checks regularly.) That way, you eliminate the emotion from a face to face conversation.

The simple truth is this: you are not putting your two-year-old son at risk AT ALL by not being vaccinated for COVID. As you rightly point out, he has virtually zero risk from COVID, and you have a tiny risk yourself. This is a totally illogical argument your father-in-law is making.

It’s wild to me, but many young people who are at far greater risk of death from driving to the grocery store are terrified of COVID. It’s mind blowing that a year after COVID emerged in this country, after all the data that’s out there, that some people are still like this. It’s what has created this country’s worst public policy response since Vietnam.

People keep asking: will I get the vaccine? Eventually, yes.

But right now I’d rather let all the people who are at actual risk from COVID — the elderly, those with pre-existing health conditions, the obese — all get the vaccine first. Once I can swing by a pharmacy and spend ten minutes waiting for the vaccine because everyone else in danger has already received it, I’ll get it.

By the way, my family who are senior citizens, have all gotten the vaccine. Indeed, my wife’s mother and stepfather are both coming to visit us for the first time since summer this weekend. And my wife’s dad just spent a week with us in a condo in Park City after he’d been vaccinated.

So I understand some of the fear from those with advanced ages or those with ill health and understand how eager they are to return to normalcy after getting the vaccine. These guys and girls should be the first people in the country to be vaccinated.

But the inability to understand and analyze risk factors during COVID has truly astounded me.

Which is why I’d send an email to your father-in-law laying out your thought process. It’s irresponsible of him to accuse you of putting your two-year-old son’s life at risk with your vaccine decision. It’s simply not true.

“What would be your red line for moving states?

I am currently living in California, married with two wonderful kids and each and every day that goes by I want to move more and more, but I want to know for you what would be your last straw? The one party rule, rampant crime and homelessness, plus Critical Race Theory that will be taught in schools are just a few concerns. However, a few things that keep me from pulling the trigger are:

1. Both of our families and extended families are local, and it’s great having them around.
2. My job. I am a firefighter and am vested in my pension, so switching jobs to a different state is just not feasible for me. I could stack shifts and fly-commute, but that would take more time away from my family life.
3. Oh and my wife is not on board. Still trying to convince her.”

If I lived in California and had ever considered moving, COVID would have broken me.

It’s a great state. I’ve spent a ton of time there over the past decade, given how frequently I’ve traveled out to work at Fox Sports studios in Los Angeles. But I don’t think I could live there after seeing how the state responded to COVID.

California has turned its back on what it used to be, a welcoming land for dreamers and eccentrics. It’s turned into a one party state and that one party is in the grip of a modern day totalitarianism via the left wing woke culture ascendancy. We’re in the middle of a modern day McCarthy era, only this time it’s being driven by the left wing, not the right wing.

The red scare has turned into the woke scare.

Having said that, not everyone can move.

You have a family and ultimately your responsibility is to provide the best economic foundation possible for your family. I don’t know your financial situation in detail — or what you might be capable of making compared to what you make now if you lived somewhere different — but I do think you need to consider cost of living in your analysis.

Yes, you may have a higher salary than you could make elsewhere. But what does it cost you to live in California if you factor in cost of living, taxes, and quality of life issues like how long your commute is compared to other locations? You may make much less, but find you have a much higher quality of living — and more disposable income — somewhere else.

As for the wife, my best advice on how to get her to change her mind about moving? Actually show her what life somewhere else might look like. Pick a location that makes the most sense to you and then schedule a weekend getaway for just the two of you there that includes meeting with a real estate agent to look at houses. She may change her tune in a hurry once she realizes what you can get for the money outside of California.

Good luck.

“When, if ever, will the sport media coronabro’s move past their fear-mongering obsession with the virus? Seeing Pat Forde’s mask tweet, Dan Wolken’s timeline, Nicole Auerbach… I truly believe they never want to see a packed, maskless stadium ever again for at least the next four years.”

Many people pegged Donald Trump as the reason that the left wing had lost its mind. And many people believed when Trump left office, the left wing would return to normalcy.

I think what you’re seeing is that isn’t the case at all.

Sports media reflects our modern day insanity right now. And sports media is, if anything, becoming less open to new ideas in its outlook than it was over the four years Trump was in office.

I think the only way this changes is with two things: First, the collision of identity politics-favored groups in sports stories. For instance, what happens with biological male athletes competing in sports as women? Who wins in this identity battle? Traditional women and Title IX, who are suing to ensure their sports titles don’t get overtaken by biological men competing as women, or transgender athletes and activists? Which side of the equation wins: Deshaun Watson or the women accusing him of sexual assault? Have you noticed how most in sports media aren’t able to take a side in these issues? It’s because identity politics really only works when white men are the villains. When identities collide, the complexities and absurdities of picking sides based on identities become unavoidable.

The second thing is total defeat in a major election. Our national response to COVID is frustrating for many reasons, but the biggest, I think, is that without COVID happening in 2020, Donald Trump would have won a landslide electoral college win in 2020. Even with COVID fear mongering, Trump lost the 2020 election by around 40,000 total votes. (If Trump had won Arizona, Georgia and Wisconsin, which he lost by a total of 40,000 votes, he would have been re-elected president.) Without COVID, I think Trump wins all the states he won in 2016 and adds Minnesota, Nevada and New Mexico to his electoral count.

If that had happened, then the Democrats would have had to go back to the drawing board and examine their coalition. It’s not unlike a team that loses a big game going back and looking at their game plan. It’s healthy to do this. It’s how you grow and win in the future. I think if the Democrats had lost to Trump a second time that they would have jettisoned identity politics and cancel culture, realizing that their brand had become toxic due to both of these issues.

Remember, even with the media branding Trump a racist for four years, Trump increased his support with Hispanics, Asians and black voters. Why? Because many people recognize this for what it is, a lie.

Since Obama, the Democrats have believed they can recreate his coalition just by running on identity politics, but what they are missing is Obama won because of unique political talent and charisma, not just because he was a black guy. Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden have tried to execute the same Obama magic and failed. So too have minority candidates like Kamala Harris and Cory Booker, among others. That’s because Obama is hard to replicate.

I think we’re headed towards a 2024 where Kamala Harris is the Democratic nominee — because it would be sexist and racist for the Democrats to pick anyone else — and if the Republicans pick the right nominee, I think the Republicans are set up to win a monster victory in 2024. I really do.

And that will help to dig the grave for woke culture.

…

Thanks for reading the anonymous mailbag and, as always, send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com