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Like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls, yours truly is back in the saddle and ready to once again lead the Plastics into the weekend.
More on our girl Lindsay in a minute. Side note: anyone who got the above references shouldn’t be ashamed to admit it, either. Mean Girls is an elite film, and will be celebrated appropriately in these spaces so long as I’m running the ship.
Anyway … good to be back! Thanks to Anthony and Amber for taking the reigns while I was out making an idiot out of myself at Daytona 500 Media Day, and what a job Amber did in her Nightcaps debut!
I mean, what a line this was: “How did my Valentine’s Day post turn into giant snakes and wieners? I’m out of control.”
Yeah, she’ll do just fine around here.
OK, where were we? Oh yeah, Lindsay Lohan stripping!
Let’s talk about that, whether or not Dumb And Dumber 3 would be a good idea, the Wall Street Journal telling great Americans when and when they can’t eat breakfast, Paulina Gretzky with a heater of a Valentine’s Day post, and more!
Grab a Busch Latte – it’s Fish Can season, by the way! – and take a load off. It’s almost Friday, after all.
Lindsay Lohan stripping movie shockingly tops Netflix charts
Saw this a few days ago and had the same thought all of you probably had: “Um, ya think?!”
Now, a couple things here. First, the movie in question is from 2007 (!!!). It’s something called I Know Who Killed Me and was initially billed as a “sexy horror movie.”
Unfortunately for our girl Lindsay Lohan, the movie tanked worse than Biden’s economy and she was obliterated by critics. Despite that, this terrible movie popped up on Netflix’s Most Watched Movies list out of absolutely nowhere over the weekend!
Not only that … it was No. 1!
What a wild two-minute ride. (Yes, I know. Go ahead and make the sex joke so we can move on).
I mean, it truly looks awful. We’re supposed to believe this dumb high school girl named Aubrey dies, only to reemerge two weeks later and has taken on the identity of a stripper named Dakota Moss?
I perused a couple scenes via YouTube earlier today, and there are some WILD clips from this bad boy. One in particular includes fake Lindsay Lohan having sex upstairs with some guy named Jerrod while her mom pretends to do work in the kitchen but can really hear them the whole time.
I’m not gonna show it here, but you Internet Sleuths I’m sure will find it. The dialogue is insane.
Anyway, shoutout to Lindsay for being back in the news somehow in the Year 2023. And, in case anyone asks:
- Parent Trap
- Mean Girls
- Freaky Friday
- Herbie Fully Loaded
- This movie, I guess. (Frankly, I don’t know any other Lindsay Lohan movies.)
Wait, there’s a Dumb And Dumber 3?
Might as well stay with the movie genre before moving on.
Anyone else realize they were already making a Dumb And Dumber 3? At least that’s what the rumor mill spit out last weekend, and my rumor mill is almost never wrong.
Here’s my question … do we need a Dumb And Dumber 3? The first one is iconic. Maybe a top-5 comedy of all-time. Certainly top 10.
But then they made that AWFUL prequel, Dumb & Dumberer, which was so bad it’s not even worth spending a second on. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels came back in 2014 for Dumb & Dumber To, which wasn’t awful and made a killing in the box office.
That being said, I think I saw that movie when it came out and haven’t seen it since. Couldn’t even tell you what happens. I know there was more farting into flames and I remember something about someone’s daughter. Other than that, I’m drawing a blank.
I don’t know, what do you think? Jim Carrey’s a pretty big weirdo now, and I can never tell if Jeff Daniels is better as a serious actor or funny one?
Let me know if you’re in or out on a potential Dumb And Dumber 3. In the meantime, watch this iconic scene and grab another beer.
Gets me every time.
Is this LIV Golf commercial good or awful?
So, we’ve gone from an awful Lindsay Lohan movie to one of the best comedies in modern history.
Now, let’s break out the scale and see where this new LIV Golf promo falls on it!
Is that more Lindsay Lohan or Dumb And Dumber? I don’t know. Honestly, I think I like it. Some haters ripped it to shreds on Twitter, and that’s fine. We’re nothing if not consistent on that miserable app.
But I was expecting way, waaaaaaaaaaaaay worse when I heard this bad boy was coming out. Tiny Phil Mickelson is jarring to see out of the gates because he looks sick, so I’ll give you that.
But the Brooks Koepka-Bryson DeChambeau part was fire. Love the eye roll. Love the annoyingly cocky Bryson. On brand from both and they nailed it.
Don’t understand the little girl from start to finish, though. Why is she there? What’s the point? Weird.
Anyway, I liked it and that’s all that matters. On a completely unrelated note, I’m sure Greg Norman enjoyed waking up this morning to the report that Brooksie may want out of LIV altogether.
Never a great way to start your day!
Wall (Woke) Street Journal wants to ban your breakfast
Speaking of starting your day bad, how about starting it on an empty stomach because our economy stinks?
Nope. Hey, WSJ, how about I spend my money where I want to spend it and on whatever meal I choose?
“Several breakfast staples saw sharp price increases due to a perfect storm of bad weather and disease outbreaks – and continued effects from Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.”
You want me to stop frying bacon and crushing my three-egg omelette every morning because of Russia? Yeah, I’m good. I prefer my breakfast not be communist.
The WSJ does make a good point at the end, though:
“Breakfast lovers might be better off just having a cup of coffee – but go with roasted, not instant. Prices for roasted coffee declined by 0.1% last month, but instant coffee rose by a 3.6% monthly increase for instant coffee.”
Anyone who chooses K-cup coffee over drip is insane. Get out of here with that nonsense. If you need your stupid morning coffee that much quicker, just go through the Dunks line down the street and enjoy an overly-iced, overly-sweetened drink like the rest of us peasants.
PS: If you had to cut one meal out of your life, it’s gotta be lunch, right? Give me breakfast and dinner over lunch any day of the week. Lunch is overrated.
Everyone knows second lunch is way better anyways.
Patrick Mahomes, Paulina Gretzky and Kenny Powers?
Rapid fire time on your way to dinner!
Let’s start with Paulina Gretzky taking a break from her skiing vacation out west with Dustin Johnson to fire off a cozy Valentine’s Day heater from the bedroom.
First V-Day for the two (semi) newlyweds, too! I’m sure DJ killed it. Always does!
From DJ and Paulina Gretzky to Patrick Mahomes and … Kenny Powers?
I cannot believe I’ve never made this connection before, but now I can’t unhear it.
Uncanny. Everyone wants to compare Mahomes to Kermit the Frog, but I think he’s way more Kenny Powers now that I hear it.
Great show, by the way, that Eastbound & Down. Definitely falls on the Dumb And Dumber end of the spectrum. Talk about defining my college years.
Before moving on from the Super Bowl champion Chiefs, here’s a TikTok from OutKick’s own Hayley Caronia about thirsty women pining over Travis Kelce.
Who knew Uncle Travis was such a heartthrob? Thanks, Hayley!
PS: anyone else a little tired of Kelce’s ‘Nobody picked us’ crap he’s forced on us for the better part of a month now?
Travis, my guy … the Kansas City Chiefs were literally one of the Super Bowl favorites from August through February. I can assure you nobody was sleeping on you guys. Enough already.
And on that note, I’ll call it a day!
I’m off to the race track to watch a bunch of dudes strap in and go fast as hell for a few hours. And hey, Dixie Vodka is the official Vodka of NASCAR!
I’m not a big vodka guy myself (look up Mr. Boston and you’ll know why), but mix it with a little cranberry juice and you’ll have yourself a night.
Maybe throw in a lime if you’re feeling wild.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Wanna make fun of me for being a Mean Girls and Lindsay Lohan fan? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.