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Bad news, Florida: The pythons who’ve been busy multiplying for years in the Everglades are on the move north which means Rosie Moore, The World’s Hottest Geoscientist, could soon be deployed into your neighborhood to conduct extraction missions.
Moore, who has extracted dozens of Burmese pythons from Florida wetlands over the years, sat down this week with WPBF in West Palm Beach to tell the locals what they could be up against as these wild beasts start moving north along coastal areas.
“I’ve never had one charge me or race at you, but when you’re trying to catch them, or you’re provoking them obviously, I have had them charge or turnaround or kind of lunge at you a bit, but again that’s when you’re going after them,” Moore told viewers.
“If you’re at a wetland or a park, you have to keep an eye out for the wildlife and just because you see it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily cause for concern. Just back away slowly and always report the python so someone can come and take care of it,” she added.
Now, why is it important for Moore to speak up when there’s no known human death associated with a python in Florida history?
Because Florida is becoming home to more and more morons who don’t know it’s a stupid move to walk little ankle biters next to trailer-park ponds.
Plus, let’s not forget that there are incidents like the Indonesian grandmother being swallowed by a 22-foot python.
Moore has a duty to raise red flags as to what the locals north of the Everglades could be in for as these snakes start moving.
How crazy are things expected to get?
Mike Kirkland, a senior invasive animal biologist for the South Florida Water Management District and the manager of the water district’s python elimination program, tells WPBF that the next 5-10 years will see more pythons “in urban areas.”
“But I wouldn’t be an alarmist about it. I expect them to predominantly stay in natural areas,” he added.
Gee, Mike, your level of confidence is off the charts!
The lesson here for all the retirees and California transplants who were seeking out freedom is to remember that pythons would much rather take down a decent-sized dog than an alligator like what Moore found inside a python back in November.
Watch your pets. And stay out of those natural areas where pythons could wrap around your legs and kill you like the Indonesian grandmother.
In other words, #staysafe out there.
One CommentLeave a Reply
Yeah, I’ve got a Python she can wrestle with…