Videos by OutKick
Sit tight. We’ll get to MLB’s new bases that look like generic pizza boxes in a minute.
But first, I gotta be honest. I was hoping February 14th landed on a Wednesday (today) this year and not a Tuesday. See, the 14-year-old in me was giddy with excitement over the possibility of pairing Hump Day with Valentine’s Day for a puntastic time. We’re talking a Stockton-to-Malone type of assist from Cupid.
Instead, like Scottie Pippen on the post-Jordan Bulls, I’ll do the best I can and hope Pete Myers doesn’t mess it up.
Not to mention, I’m following newlywed Amber Harding’s Nightcaps debut, which was arguably the best rookie performance since Anquan Boldin racked up 217 yards and two touchdowns on 10 catches for the Arizona Cardinals.
(Why the Cards ever veered from these uniforms is beyond me).
Welcome to Nightcaps, where we do our best to provide you with a little bit of news and a little bit of booze. Help yourself to a drink, or several and enjoy the (Hump Day) ride!
Pot Buying With Marshawn Lynch
Maybe slamming brews like Stone Cold isn’t your thing. And that’s fine, because we’ve got something for everybody – including weed. Digitally, of course. And this particular strand comes from former NFL running back Marshawn Lynch who detailed his pre-Super Bowl weed purchasing experience in Arizona via a dispensary aptly named “Sunday Goods.”
I couldn’t quite make out what BeastMode was buying, but something had peanut butter in it. And you bet your ass that sounds better than those M&Ms clam bites.
Taylor Schabusiness spent her Valentine’s Day shuffling (or is it shackling?) between the clink and a courtroom. While there, she decided to attack her attorney. Schabusiness, by the way, is standing trial for the murder and dismemberment of her boyfriend last February. Not only did she (allegedly) murder the man, she also cut off certain “important” parts of his body- you can guess which one I’m talking about. She blames the act on the deadly combination of sex and meth.
Shockingly, Schabusiness is from Green Bay and not Florida.
Admittedly, there’s no real good transition from dismemberment to this next video (I already told you guys I was hoping for that VDay/Hump Dump pairing, but ya know). So, just look at this and wonder, wince, whatever…
I’ve gotta level with you guys, I’m gonna jump around this column like a coked up Hunter Biden clicking back and forth between PornHub and xHamster. If you have an issue with that, just act like the Libs and pretend it never happened.
Patrick Ewing Storytime
The Patrick Ewing era at Georgetown – head coach edition – hasn’t gone well, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still appreciate the Hoya Destroya. So allow me to rattle off a quick Ewing story…
Despite having a face for radio, I used to work part-time in local tv news (big bucks guys). One night we were sitting in the sports office watching basketball when Patrick Ewing’s name came up. This prompted a colleague of mine who was a videographer to tell me his favorite Ewing story. In 1997 Cleveland hosted the NBA’s All-Star Game. This particular videographer was in the locker room post game and unexpectedly came across a naked Ewing. He described the scene in a way I’ll never forget…”I looked down and thought I saw an elephant’s trunk picking peanuts off the floor.”
Who woulda thought the most distinctive thing about Georgetown’s current coach wasn’t his legendary widow’s peak?
Speaking of widow’s peaks (and elephant trunks), is there anyone in sports who has a more distinct WP than Ewing? If you’ve got one, send it my way: email@example.com.
WTF Is MLB Doing With These Giant Bases?
As OutKick detailed yesterday, Major League Baseball introduced new, bigger bases for the upcoming MLB season. They resemble giant pizza boxes and were supposedly designed to make the game safer and increase stolen bases. I have no idea how that happens, but I’ll let some nerd like Tim Kurkjian explain it, along with WHIP.
Speaking of baseball nerds…
Derek Carr Isn’t The Only Thing Leaving Las Vegas
Mark Davis’ hair apparently followed Carr out of town.
Visiting The Jersey (Are You) Sure?
Last week in Nightcaps I told the masses about my love for random jerseys in odd places. If you spot em, send them my way (tweet me @OhioAF). I was recently in an Ohio casino losing money quickly when I spotted these two gems within 10 minutes of one another. Barry Sanders and Browns “legend” Kevin Johnson on the same night, less than 50 yards away from one another. Are you kidding me? My bank account would tell you I lost my ass, but thanks to Barry and KJ, I feel like I hit the jackpot.
Miley Cyrus With A Banger, Maybe?
This morning I was dropping my kids at school and left my phone at home. Suddenly phoneless and without the convenience of Apple CarPlay, I had to listen to standard AM/FM radio. Miley Cyrus’ “Flowers” came on and I had no idea what is was. My daughter loved it. My son acted like he didn’t like it, but that’s what boys do. So who knows. Anyways, it’s not necessarily my jam, but I did notice it’s currently number one on the Billboard charts.
That sent me into a Miley Cyrus deep dive. Does anyone remember when she covered “Nothing Else Matters” with Metallica? How do we feel about that? Is Miley getting a pass? Admittedly, I don’t mind her sounds-like-three-packs-a-day-of-Winston’s-voice, but I prefer my Metallica with a heavy dose of James Hetfield.
What’s the verdict here?
Hanging With Hayley – Sarah Palin Edition
If you were following along last week you know by now that OutKick’s Hayley Caronia (@hayleycaronia) has her finger on the pulse of what kind of weird shit is happening across social media.
This week, Hayley stumbled upon former governor Sarah Palin’s interesting wardrobe choice and took a swing at what the hell she might be thinking.
I have no idea how Palin’s kids reacted to seeing mom dressed like a man-thirsty divorcee, but I’m thinking they had a reaction similar to Thunder guard Shai Gilgeous-Alexander.
By the way, how bad does the NBA’s Slam Dunk competition suck? Gimmie some Spud Webb and MJ, Dammit!
Ever see a tank reload? Me Neither.
Is That A Pizza Or An MLB Base?
Alright, you know what time it is. Let’s have one last drink before I dance up out of here.
*OutKick’s Nightcaps is a daily column that runs weekdays around 4pm EST.
Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF