Miami Might Beat Texas A&M By 100 After Terrible Midnight Yell Speech

Texas A&M hosts No. 13 Miami tonight in arguably the best college football game of the day.

The No. 24 Aggies are coming off an embarrassing loss to Appalachian State, while the ‘Canes can get Mario Cristobal his first signature win.

It should be a rowdy atmosphere down in College Station – it always is – and Kyle Field will be rocking from start to finish.

Aggies by 30, right?

Right!?

Let’s go!

Texas A&M Midnight Yell Goes Very, Very Bad

Just kidding. I take it back.

Hurricanes by a million.

My God. I don’t even know where to begin.

Let’s start with the background. This is A&M’s annual college football Midnight Yell practice, where thousands of fans show up Friday night before a game to get PSYCHED for Saturday’s mayhem.

In case you missed it, last week’s pep rally went off the rails, the Yell Leader called App State a bunch of Redneck hicks, and then the Aggies got crushed.

Clearly, someone decided to maybe tone it back a notch after that debacle. Probably the right move until Jimbo and the fellas get the train back on the tracks.

But what we have here is your classic overcorrection.

I don’t know what our guy Thomas here did to prepare for this pep talk, but I’m thinking we go back to the drawing board.

“Worthless … good for nothing … hanky panky … University of Miami Hurricane.”

Texas A&M may be in big trouble against Miami.

Yikes. I’m gonna go ahead and assume the constant knee grab and pause is some sort of A&M tradition, but I don’t feel like looking it up and going down that wormhole. If that’s what it is, I won’t fault him for it.

But the rest of this story is AWFUL. I truly don’t understand where our man Thomas was going with it.

A Hurricanes fan touring Texas A&M keeps talking about how great Florida is (I ain’t calling it the Sunshine State because we don’t actually call it that).

Twenty-four minutes into the tour Rocky gets fed up with it, kicks him “in the rear” and tells him to go back.

The end. That’s it. Curtains. End scene.

I checked the line on this puppy and it’s still holding at Texas A&M -5.5. Apparently the sportsbooks haven’t seen this pep talk yet, so I’d HAMMER Miami before they catch wind of it.

Gig ’em, Aggies!

Written by Zach Dean

Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.

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