Love Takes A Hit: Shakira Reportedly NOT Interested In Tom Cruise

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We’ve got dueling reports in the saga of the alleged burgeoning romance between Tom Cruise and Shakira.

Earlier this week, there was one report from Page Six that said Tom Cruise is interested in pursuing the Colombian pop star whose singing voice sounds more like Kermit the Frog than the guy who actually voices Kermit the Frog these days.

However, perhaps in reaction to that report, a new report from Elle claims that Shakira isn’t interested in the Top Gun: Maverick star.

Worse yet for ol’ Tom: she finds the reports of his interest “hilarious.”

“Shakira had a great time hanging out with Tom at F1 but she has no interest in dating him,” a source told Elle. “He was really nice, and she enjoyed his company, but she isn’t focused on dating him or anybody else at the moment. She has a lot on her plate and is focused on her kids [Sasha, 8, and Milan, 10] and career for now.”

Jeez, at that point why not just give him the “It’s not you; it’s me” treatment?

It gets worse for Tom: Shakira was spotted getting on a boat with his buddy Lewis Hamilton this week.

Damn. Even Tom Cruise gets shot down from time to time.

Tom Cruise appears to have been caught out by Shakira’s mixed signal-sending hips. (Getty Images)

Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie But It Sounds Like They May Have Given Tom Cruise Mixed Signals.

Perhaps he was getting mixed signals at the Miami Grand Prix. It was hot and he probably couldn’t believe they were charging $40 for disposable earplugs at the race. I know that shocked me when I was there last year. Maybe the part of his brain that reads social cues was scrambled by all of these external stimuli.

That, or his handlers were giving him mixed signals on Shakira’s behalf.

Although, in Mrs. Shakira’s defense, there’s a lot that comes with getting involved with someone equally or more, ultra-famous and with such a high Operating Thetan level.

You can’t just go out for coffee with Tom Cruise. I mean, from the sound of it, she said hi to him at an F1 race, and next thing you know — per Page Six’s report — he’s sending flowers.

If she went out for dinner with him he’d be on TV the next day jumping on Oprah’s couch.

All I can say is that news of Shakira’s indifference to the funny-running action star disappointed me. Not because my belief in the institution of love took a hit, but because the number of articles I could write about a Tom Cruise-Shakira romance appears to have been capped at two.

But what a two-article run it was. There was that first one… then this one… we’ll all be talking about it for years to come.

I guess it’s okay. My well of jokes about Scientology and the song “Hips Don’t Lie” was starting to run dry.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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