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We have reached a milestone here at OutKick dot com, folks. Nightcaps is one month old.
If you’ve been reading and following along as Anthony, Zach and I attempt to entertain and enlighten you, thank you. If you’re just now finding us, what the hell?!
Just kidding, welcome. We love you.
But while we’re a month into Nightcaps, this past week marked another very special milestone — one month since I got married.
Now before y’all go clicking away because you think this is going to be all about weddings and sappy woman stuff, I promise you’ll want to stick around. I’m about to share with you some important pieces of wisdom I’ve picked up about the foundations of a kickass marriage.
And since I’ve been a wife for 32 whole days now, I’m obviously an expert.
So grab yourself a glass and raise a toast. Because — for better or worse —we’re all in this together now.
Gender roles really aren’t all that bad.
There are a lot of feminists out there who will tell you you can’t be a strong, successful woman if you depend on a man.
I say those feminists need to work smarter, not harder.
Because if someone breaks into our house in the middle of the night, it sure as hell won’t be me heading downstairs with the Glock.
Plus — using gender roles as a handy tool — housework is a lot more efficient!
He does the grilling, I do the cleaning. He mows the yard, I bathe the dog. And he takes the trash out, I pile it as high as it will possibly go.
Without masculinity, there is no femininity. Masculinity is a good thing.
And I don’t care what second gentleman Doug Emhoff has to say about it.
“There’s too much of toxicity — masculine toxicity out there, and we’ve kind of confused what it means to be a man, what it means to be masculine,” Emhoff said in a recent MSNBC interview. “You’ve got this trope out there where you have to be tough, and angry, and lash out to be strong.”
Minus the angry part, I’d argue most women are okay with their husbands being “tough” and “strong.”
But we can agree to disagree, Doug.
You say tomato. I say tom-ah-to. You say toxic masculinity. I say don’t mouth kiss other people’s wives.
Find common ground with your partner.
You probably didn’t marry your identical twin.
And I don’t mean that in a weird backwoods Alabama way. I mean you probably didn’t marry someone who is exactly like you.
For example, I love country music. And I don’t mean that poppy Daisy Duke-spray tan-beer is good stuff you hear on the radio. I mean absolutely finger-lickin,’ grits and chicken, cowboy fiddle bops from Texas. My husband, as a former drummer in a rock band, prefers chaos and screaming.
Now, he’s never going to (voluntarily) buy Flatland Cavalry tickets, and I’m never going to drive to work to the soothing sounds of As I Lay Dying. But he’d sure as hell stand right next to me at that Cavalry concert drinking a beer, and I’ll listen to screaming death metal while we lift weights in our garage.
So even if you go together like Morgan Wallen and Dr. Dre, just know that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Dare you to tell me that doesn’t slap.
Put in the effort.
Laziness is gross.
You shouldn’t be lazy at work or at the gym or at school. And you definitely shouldn’t be lazy when it comes to your relationship.
Don’t be that husband who never does anything around the house but then expects an award when he empties the dishwasher one time.
That’s like “The View” lifting mask mandates two years after everyone else did. But then acting like they did something special.
Now, remember that whole “smarter not harder” thing? When I say effort, I don’t mean you have to move literal mountains.
“South Park” — the greatest show on television — is back with a new episode tomorrow. You might wonder how this is relevant, but work with me here.
Check out the preview they posted on Instagram.
Now, I’m not telling you to send your wife love notes written by ChatGPT. But I’m also not telling you not to.
Women like to feel special. We love cards and flowers and date nights and when you don’t follow a bunch of bikini models on Instagram. My point? It doesn’t have to be difficult.
But — and this is a big one — it’s not all on the men here. Ladies, your husbands deserve effort, too. Plan his birthday party. Bring him a shower beer after a long day. Or just be super over the top like Reggie Bush’s wife.
Fellas, if she does this you better have a crown and a throne waiting for her.
Which brings me to my next piece of advice…
Keep the spark alive.
I will go to my grave insisting the health of your sex life is almost always indicative of the health of your relationship.
(If my parents or my in-laws are reading this, please feel free to skip to the next section.)
Miserable couples usually aren’t too active in the bedroom. Blissful couples usually aren’t watching Pornhub alone in the bathroom. And most cheating — not that it’s ever excusable — happens because one or the other isn’t getting what they need.
Better pour yourself another one. Nightcaps just got spicy. I might be the next Dr. Ruth.
What a treasure that woman is.
Seriously, though. No matter how stressed you are with work and kids and the threat of nuclear attacks from Russia, do your relationship a favor and make sex a priority.
But if there’s a kiddo in the house, maybe learn how to whisper.
Never stop surprising each other.
The No. 1 thing I hear from couples who have been married longer than 32 days is that marriage is always a work in progress.
But I think anyone who’s been in long-term relationship can relate to this. It’s easy to get comfortable or complacent.
Never stop trying to be better — for yourself and for your partner. Learn a new skill! Go on new adventures! Take a vacation somewhere you’ve never been! Slam your SUV into a building in the middle of a podcast!
Unrelated, but that guy on the left is ICE COLD. A 2-ton SUV almost maimed him and he’s just sitting there like nothing happened.
But I digress.
Your relationship won’t get stale unless you let it. Don’t let it.
Bring out the best in each other — not the worst.
Who you will marry is probably the most important decision you’ll make in your life.
This is your partner. Your ride or die. The person you’re with for 25 to life.
You will mirror each other’s eating habits, exercise routines and work ethic. So you’ll succeed together in the good things, but you’ll also feed off each other’s bad habits.
Encourage your spouse to be the best person they can be by being the best person you can be.
So maybe don’t marry a power-hungry loon who will push you to run for Senate even though you’re barely able to function.
Or a narcissist who tells the whole world about her extra-marital affairs and encourages you to slap someone on stage and get banned from the Oscars for 10 years.
Or a soul-sucking leech who will alienate from your entire family, emasculate you, dictate your ever move and turn you into an international embarrassment.
Find someone who will push you. Challenge you. Defend you. Keep you in check
And be the spouse who will put in the work. Do the little things. Be her biggest fan. And act out the scene from Titanic when she’s had too many Miller Lites.
Here’s to many more years of marriage and Nightcaps.
OutKick’s Nightcaps is a daily column that runs weekdays around 4 p.m. EST.
Need some of my priceless, expert advice? Tweet me at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com.
2 CommentsLeave a Reply
You may have just hit the longest tape measure home run in the history of Outkick articles. Fabulous, concise, simple, elegant and NO bullshit. Congratulations on 32 days of marriage. Know that using your article to “live” your marriage will cause the time to pass very rapidly. Best!!!
I am proud to say I met Dr. Ruth in May 2001 randomly on Capitol Hill of all places when I was an Intern in DC ….. she was genuine, sweet, engaging and more than happy to speak with anyone. Now I have to go find the picture because this was before pics were all on an I-phone. Honestly she has aged well. God bless her.