White House Girl Margo Martin Activates Vacation Mode, WNBA's Sex Toy Crisis & Stop Coddling Little Leaguers!

First Hump Day of August? Are we back, or what? Come on! We're rolling right now, folks. The vibes are high off the court … and on the court! Looking at you, WNBA. What a #content run. 

We've got preseason games all weekend starting tomorrow. We've got baseball pennant races. We've got dildos flying left and right. I smoked an entire chicken yesterday and got it off the Traeger and into the house mere minutes before Mother Nature took a three-hour piss on my house. 

Everything is coming up aces right now. I'll be damned if it stops in this class. 

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we enjoy a Nantucket vacation with White House aide Margo Martin, and go from there. 

What else? I've got Sophie Cunningham showing the world how to properly lean into something, Dunkin' reignites the ‘when does fall start?’ debate, and it's time to start plunking little leaguers. That's right. I said it. You'll see. And, by the way, you'll agree. 

Grab you a root beer float for National Root Beer Float Day, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

The Pussification of Little League is depressing 

Not much to say about root beer floats. I have no hot take. No Mount Rushmore. They're delicious. Everyone likes a root beer float. It's a solid, timeless drink. Happy NRBF Day to all who celebrate. 

Now, let's get down to business … 

I'm a bit late on this since I was off Sunday and Tuesday – and admittedly missed it Monday – but the drama that unfolded in the Little League World Series last weekend is as stunning as it is depressing. 

First, the video:

I mean, my God. What are we doing here? What happened to the game we all loved? It's disgusting. 

First of all – sign-stealing should 100% not be against the rules in little league baseball. 

Stealing signs is part of the game. The Astros ruined it for everyone when they took it to a whole new level years ago, and pitch-com has pretty much made it extinct. But let's not forget where we came from. Just last week, those very same Astros got all pissed at the Red Sox because they were stealing signs at second base. 

Again, it's the Pussification of America on full display, and clearly it's starting at the bottom. If you're getting your signs stolen by a runner at second … change the signs. Mix ‘em up. Do better at your job. 

It’s not the runner's job to protect your shitty signs. It's your job to mix them up. And if you don't? Guess what? Tank job, as you just saw. 

One time during a middle school baseball game, we caught the other team stealing signs, but it wasn't from second. It was one of those really scummy, ‘peak down at the catcher’ moves by the batter. That's not part of the game. That's scumbag stuff. 

We didn't bitch and moan about it and beg the umps to get involved. You know what my coach did? He pulled me and the pitcher aside between innings and told him to "drill him in the earhole" the next time we see it. 

Guess what happened? The next batter got drilled in the earhole. Guess what didn't happen the rest of the game? Sign-stealing. Simple. We handled it like men, and it was handled. 

You wanna fix it? Throw down a better mix of signs with a runner on second (we used to do the third sign in a sequence) or start drilling batters. Either-or. Your call. Just don't bitch to the ump who's making $9 an hour for this game. 

PS: the kid on second? Absolute UNIT! We later find out he's the catcher. Weird. 

PPS: The home plate umpire was awful here. Maybe he should inject himself for his shitty strike zone?

When does fall start for you?

Even after watching that breakdown, I'm still very much in the pro-sign-stealing camp. How do you just ban it when it's literally part of the game, and has been for a century? 

I know little league likes to shove ‘sportsmanship’ down our throats, but come on. Life isn't about sportsmanship. It's about winning and losing. 

You know who were "great sports?" My old college baseball team. We lost with dignity. Great. We also won five games in three years. I'd rather have won by being a bunch of pricks then lose with integrity. Get outta here with that. Nonsense. 

Whew. What a rant! You ain't finding that on CNN today! Those weirdos would have to take a mental health day if they allowed that on their site. 

Here's some propaganda they would probably prefer, courtesy of Dunkin'. Sad. 

Margo, Sophie & is Hard Knocks dead?

Yeah, I mean – it's disgusting. I can deal with Starbucks rolling out the PSLs early. That's a given. I know what to expect when it comes to Starbucks. They're the worst. 

But Dunkin'? They're supposed to be the anti-Starbucks. The blue-collars. The hard-hat wearers. August 20th? What are we doing here? I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again now: Fall starts the Tuesday after Labor Day weekend. 

That's it. That's the date. Joe contends that's still too early, but I think it's perfect. 

The Tuesday after the first college football Saturday, and the one before the first NFL Sunday. That's fall. Summer runs from Memorial Day Saturday through Labor Day Monday. You start strong, you end strong, and then you're into football season. 

Disappointed in Dunkin' today, which makes me sad. But, fair is fair, and I have to be fair here. Woke!

OK, let's rapid-fire this Hump Day class into a big Hump Day night. Did ANYONE watch the first episode of Hard Knocks last night?

I'll be honest, I used to subscribe to that theory – that the first Hard Knocks episode is the unofficial beginning of football season. But … I didn't watch it last night. I didn't even think about watching it. 

And come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I didn't watch last year, either. 

I remember when Hard Knocks was appointment TV. It gripped us every August for about a decade. But now? I didn't see anything on it on Twitter last night. Nothing. Nada. Didn't hear a peep. 

Did anyone watch? Is it dead? It might be dead. Bring us back to THIS:

Remember THAT?! The best. While Hard Knocks may be dead, that intro is still elite. It's in the pantheon of sports music. Credit where it's due. 

Next? Let's check in with Sophie Cunningham, who got pelted by a third dildo last night!

This is the way! All the Big Js are crying about #DildoGate and how it's bad for the sport and the league and blah, blah, blah. 

Meanwhile, Sophie Cunningham is leaning right into the fire and becoming a superstar before our eyes. Remember, again, where you met Sophie first. Earlier this year, in Nightcaps. Before she became an internet star. Again, ahead of the trends. 

Imagine for a second being THAT upset over a dildo getting tossed onto the court. Imagine going through life like that and calling it … a "horrific look for the league." I bet this Meghan Hall lunatic also hates sign-stealing! 

OK, that's it for today. A lot of bitching from me. Even more so than usual. Oh well. That's what Hump Day can do to a man. 

Take us home (or to Nantucket), White House aide Margo Martin!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

When does fall start? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.