Where Does Eating White Castle Out Of Airport Vending Machine Rank On List Of Bad Ideas?

Let's set the stage: you're at the airport making a brisk walk toward your gate.

Your flight boards in ten minutes (because you were an idiot and didn't get there three hours early), so you really don't have time to sit down and enjoy some of the finer cuisine options the airport has to offer.

With no Chili's or Chick-fil-A at your disposal, you start to panic about your lunch plans until you spot something in the corner.

READ: These Are Some Of YOUR Least Favorite Parts Of Air Travel

It's faint, but you think you can make out a familiar logo on the blue and pearly white vending machine.

Then it hits you – and if you choose to eat food out of it, it will probably hit you again in a cold sweat as you climb to 30,000 feet.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. If you voluntarily stuff White Castle cheeseburgers down your gluttonous gullet, you should be barred from flying commercial for the next six months.

I don't believe in infringing on people's liberties, but we have to draw a line somewhere, folks.

The fact that it comes out of a vending machine is even worse. I'm pretty sure the damage you would do to the lavatory mid-flight after downing a sleeve of those bad boys is grounds for imprisonment.

One minute you're eating some greasy yet admittedly delicious golden-brown squares, the next minute you're a domestic terrorist.

Look, I may be a germaphobe and someone who values what they put in their stomach more than most men in their early 30s, but I'm not alone in thinking a White Castle vending machine is a vile invention.

When my friend, fellow OutKick writer and Logan International frequent flier, John Simmons, found out I was writing about a White Castle vending machine at his hometown airport, he was incensed.

"I will be saying a prayer for whoever was dumb enough to A) eat White Castle and B) eat it out of a vending machine," he said. "My, how the birthplace of America has fallen!"

Couldn't agree more, Johnny boy!

If you're going to grab some vending machine White Castle, make sure it's after your arrival and not before your departure.

What you do in the comfort of your own car on the ride home from the airport is your business and your business alone, but your fellow passengers shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of your bad choices.

And maybe bring a change of pants while you're at it.