Will Sydney Sweeney Save Cracker Barrel, Too?

Cracker Barrel has done the impossible: gotten us all to agree on something. 

I don't know how they did it. I didn't even think it was possible. But, somehow, they have the left AND the right both in agreement that the new logo STINKS. 

We all hate it. Conservatives. Liberals. Left. Right. Nobody likes it. Nobody likes the woke CEO. Nobody asked for it. The stock market DESPISES it. 

I was so proud of the internet yesterday. I was so proud of America, quite frankly. Cracker Barrel ditched the cracker and the barrel, and watered down one of the most recognizable logos in the world. It was pointless. It was disgusting. And, most importantly, it was met with universal disdain and mocking. 

And now, it's time to move forward. The stock is TANKING, and it's time for Cracker Barrel to dig deep and save what I consider to be the greatest restaurant chain in America from going six feet under. 

There is one person who can do it, and all of social media are in lockstep on this one. 

One very hot cracker, with two very recognizable barrels. 

Save us, Sydney Sweeney:

Sydney Sweeney saved American Eagle, and she can do the same for Cracker Barrel

I'm all in. It's brilliant. It makes way too much sense. Do you know how easy this would be for CEO Julie Felss Masino? One call, and her company is saved. Give Sydney Sweeney whatever she wants. A blank check, not that she needs it. 

Free Sunrise Samplers for life. An endless supply of rocking chairs. All the giant checkers pieces she wants. Every single piece of candy from 1945. All the Conway Twitty CDs in stock. Doesn't matter. 

Just bring her in, and save your store. Nobody knew American Eagle even still existed when they put Sid the Kid in a pair of jeans earlier this month. Now, folks are flocking to their local mall like it's 1985 again. 

And it's because Sydney Sweeney is everything we want. Everything we pine for. She's hot. She's blonde. She has huge boobs. She's a Republican, which means she's sane. She seemingly doesn't care about being politically correct. She doesn't bend her knee to the mob. 

Did I mention she has big boobs and she's hot?

Get Sydney Sweeney on the horn STAT, make her a deal, put her in a barrel, and roll tape. There. I just saved your company, Julie. 

If you'd take your blacked-rimmed spectacles off for one second and stop seeing everything through a woke lense, you'd have already done this by now. 

Make Cracker Barrel Great Again!