Sofía Vergara Covers Herself In Coffee, Country Artist Kacey Musgraves Lets The Cheeks Breathe & RIP AOL!

Two August Hump Days in the book. Two to go. We're halfway there, boys and girls. We're making the final turn until football season. 

Hang on just a little longer. We're so close. I got my first Fantasy Football email of the year last night. Draft is all set. Two weeks from Saturday at the Buffalo Wild Wings. It's usually at Applebee's, but the AC is broken and inexplicably won't be fixed by Aug. 30. Yeah, right. Sure! 

But that's OK, because now I get to draft an elite crop of players AND stuff my face with the greatest burger on the planet at the same time. All while Week 1 of the college football season plays around us. 

God, I hope that's what heaven is like. I can't think of anything better. 

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we cover ourselves in coffee with Sofía Vergara, and go from there. 

What else? I've got country firecracker Kacey Musgraves checking in from Aspen, former UGA legend Jake Fromm has a new gig that's almost perfect, and I think I've found the most wild police chase caught on camera in the history of TV. 

Sure, OJ's up there – but I think we finally have a new leader in the clubhouse! It only took 30 years. 

Grab you a Filet Mignon for National Filet Mignon Day – put it back because you can't afford it and pick up a pack of $4 pork chops instead – and then settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

I hope your Hump Day is better than his

Nothing better than a solid filet mignon, although I personally prefer a ribeye. Still, it's hard to bet against a perfectly cooked filet. 

I think I have one about twice a year, and it all depends on when/if they're on sale at Publix. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's like Christmas. 

Mount Rushmore of Steaks? Sure, why not?

1. Ribeye (bone-in so I can gnaw on the bone like a rabid dog for the next hour)

2. Filet (see above)

3. T-Bone (best of both worlds)

4. Porterhouse 

I struggled with leaving NY Strip out, but how am I supposed to put that over the last two? Come on. It's called having standards. 

I'd also include flank steak, but only if you cut it into strips, throw it on the smoker, and make it jerky. Five hours at 180. You're welcome!

OK, let's get to someone who will 100% not be having steak tonight!

Jake Fromm State Farm!

Whoaaaaaaaaaaa Nellie! What an ending! It's not that I didn't see it coming, because I did, but it's still jarring to see. 

And here's the kicker … this maniac LIVED! Walked away without a scratch. Well, sort of. He didn't really break anything, according to boots on the ground. Amazing. That's why you wear a helmet, folks. They save lives! 

OK, let's move on to someone who used to wear a helmet, but now just wears one of them fancy headsets while selling the SHIT out of some umbrella policies …

Jake Fromm!

Sofia, Kacey & Oh no, AOL!

Incredible. And such a miss here by State Farm. An unbelievable miss. It's like when Angel Reese misses one of her 47 lay-ups a game. This one was so easy. 

How in the hell does State Farm not immediately hire Jake Fromm? Seriously. If he's in the insurance game, he needs to be with State Farm. It's natural. It fits. 

Hi, I'm Jake Fromm State Farm. 

The ad writes itself. The commercials would feed families for generations. Jake would make way more from a couple TV spots in the State Farm red than he ever did in the NFL. 

Huge bag-fumble by State Farm, who has been shoving Jake down our throats for years now. Years. I'm so tired of Jake from State Farm. It's well past time to mix it up, and Jake Fromm would've been a cult hero. 

He'd immediately join Flo from Progressive, the Geico caveman/lizard, and AT&T Lily on the Mount Rushmore of TV characters. 

I asked this question earlier, but it's tailor-made for Nightcaps …

Who else is on that list? The Good Hands Allstate guy who was also briefly the President of the United States in 24? Maybe. The Aaron Rodgers Discount Double-Check was also a thing for a while. The little cartoon Army guy from The General who did commercials with Shaq for a decade? 

How about this DAWG from the old Six Flags ads?

God, what a time that was. We had it all, folks, and we pissed it away for Ozempic ads and Sarah McLachlan sobbing over some abandoned cats. 

Speaking of things that used to great that are now dead (I assume), let's rapid-fire this Hump Day into a big Hump Night!

You've Got Mail. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can put up with a lot of bullshit. Lord knows I do on a daily basis. But losing the AOL dial-up internet service? That's one step too far. 

NOTHING in the early-2000s separated families quite like someone picking up the phone while someone else was on the internet. When we look at the high divorce rate in this country, I can promise you it started with that. It nearly ended my mom's second marriage. And I ain't lying. I was the culprit!

Next? Let's check in with country singer Kacey Musgraves on the way out. She was in Aspen over the weekend and gave the fine folks of Colorado a SHOW:

Goodness gracious. Welcome back to class, Kacey! This ain't your granddaddy's country, I reckon. I'd still take prime Loretta Lynn over Kacey, but it's close. 

OK, that's it for today. Solid humping all around. Let's grab some coffee with Sofía Vergara to gear up for a big night, and get on outta here. 

See you tomorrow. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

What steak are we riding with? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.