The Infamous Green Sex Toy Decided To Test Out An NFL Game Last Night
In a sense, she returned home.
It what can only be considered a positive development as we near the NFL regular season, it appears the WNBA's serial dildo thrower has decided to dip his toe into the gridiron.
That's right. While you were all sleeping on Friday, the famous green dildo made its way onto the field in Tennessee during the Vikings-Titans game. Sure, this isn't new territory for the sex toy. Frankly, this is more of a reboot than anything. Dildos at NFL games? A tale as old as time.
But, let's be honest – the WNBA-tossing was getting boring. Stale. Old news. We had to change things up a bit, and launching America's Dildo onto the 20-yard line at Nissan Stadium is a good way to get back into the news cycle.
The green dildo has come home
This is what it's all about, boys and girls. Launching sex toys onto the field during the fourth quarter of a preseason game? Does it get any better than that? Don't think so.
It's a soft launch, obviously. This is the preseason. You have to test the waters before you sneak one into an actual game in a few weeks and risk it all.
And buddy, you will be RISKING it all. Just yesterday, 32-year-old Charles Burgess was charged with 10 criminal charges, including criminal possession of a weapon and attempted second-degree assault.
All for his DISGUSTING dildo-toss on Aug. 5. Now, police reports say that the ill-fated toss may have also struck a 12-year-old girl at the Barclays Center that night. That's unacceptable. If that was the case, the punishment absolutely fits the crime.
But, the larger point here is that stadiums across the US of A are on high alert right now. The WNBA may finally be on the other side of this thing, but football season is literally just now starting.
You don't think college kids out partying since 11 p.m. the night before are gonna be sneaking these bad boys into games this fall? Come on. Lord knows they're (probably) widely accessible on campuses across the country. Allegedly, of course.
So head on a swivel, everyone. The dildo epidemic has reached the gridiron. In a way, it's returned home.
It was only a matter of time.