Riley Gaines Shows Lazy Libs What A Hot Mom Looks Like, Maggie Sajak's Opry Dress & Military Draft Order!

An MLB (fake) Opening Night Hump Day? I mean, who has it better than us? We've made it (not really). It's here (not really). Baseball is BACK (tomorrow). 

Do I love MLB? Yes. Of course. I'm fired up to get this season started. I'm fired up to have an actual game to watch tonight. But …

It ain't Opening Day until tomorrow, when I see 12 games on at once in the 4 p.m. hour. THAT, boys and girls, is the real Opening Day. I'm a purist at heart, and baseball should never, ever follow the NFL model like they're doing tonight. It just doesn't feel right. 

I contend that every single Opening Day game should be played under the sun. That's baseball at its finest. 

AND we're putting tonight's opener on … Netflix? Good Lord. Again, I'm going to watch, obviously. But it won't feel real until tomorrow afternoon. That being said, welcome back, baseball. Let's have a good season so we can all lock out on Dec. 2 and completely ruin all the momentum we've built up over the past few years!

Anyway, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where Riley Gaines shows the lazy Libs what a real woman looks like. And hey! This one comes with a bonus cameo from Pablo Torre!

What else? I've got Maggie Sajak at the Grand Ole Opry, Melania walking with a robot that resembled Joe Biden, a quick look at the draft, and new Providence basketball coach Bryan Hodgson showing off his SEC wife. 

Whew. What a LINEUP for the fake Opening Day of baseball season! 

Grab you a ballpark beer for $19 and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

PSA for any T-Mobile customers out there

For my baseball students in class today … if you don't have Netflix, will you subscribe to watch tonight's game? Google tells me the lowest tier costs $8, and I assume that comes with a free trial? If not, Netflix says you can cancel at any time. 

Would you pay $8 to watch Yanks-Giants tonight? On one hand, $8 is $8. That's basically a gallon of gas! On the other hand, you could – and will – forget that you purchased said subscription, and then figure it out in six months when you've racked up a $50 bill. 

I did that a few years ago when the NFL had the audacity to put the Dolphins-Chiefs playoff game exclusively on Peacock. Crooks! I bought it, obviously, and then forgot about it, obviously, until MONTHS later. Months. That's how they get you, and it works every time. 

Anyway, I have Netflix for free because I switched to T-Mobile last year. I also get every single baseball game for free all season long. 

Yes, for you T-Mobile customers out there, this is your yearly reminder to redeem the greatest deal in sports before March 30:

It just means more 

Again, it's the greatest deal in sports. I don't know how MLB and T-Mobile get away with it every year – especially this year with all the new streaming deals – but they do. 

There is no shot I'd buy the package if I didn't have T-Mobile. I used to do what any American worth his or her salt would do, and use my dad's login. 

But not anymore! I'm an adult now, and it's time for me to make my own way. Thank you, T-Mobile!

OK, let's leave the diamond and head to the court (sort of) to check in on the state of Providence basketball. Because if I know one thing about this class, it's that you all leave and breathe Providence basketball!

Maggie, Riley & Melania's robot 

This is what it's all about, folks. Bryan Hodgson gets it. Happy wife, happy life. I'd imagine this new gig took some convincing with her, too, because leaving USF for Providence ain't exactly fun. 

You're going from Tampa to Rhode Island. Not a lot of folks choose that path in life. Frankly, they choose the reverse path. Lord knows you couldn't pay me enough to leave Florida for the Northeast. No shot. 

And now Hodgson has to tell his wife to leave the beautiful beaches of Florida – the West Coast ones are especially nice – and move to the Northeast? Yeah, he was always going to throw this line in there. He had no choice. 

Anyway, welcome to the show, Jordan Norris. This one is going to be a star. You can see it. I can see it. All of Rhode Island saw it yesterday. 

OK, let's rapid-fire this Hump Day class into a big night of MLB humping! First up? Who's ready for #DraftSZN?! 

Nope. Not the NFL Draft. The Military Draft! That just can't be a good sign for our recruiting efforts at the moment, right? I spoke to OutKick's crack military guy, David Hookstead, and he agreed. If it has to do with blowing stuff up or Wisconsin athletics, I listen to Hook. 

Anyway, congrats to all who are now eligible! Last summer – the first time we attacked Iran – I brushed up on the draft rules in case things really went south. 

Here you go!

If congress and the president were to reinstate a military draft, the Selective Service System would conduct a national lottery to determine the order in which registered men ages 18–25 are called for service. The lottery assigns a random number to each birth date, establishing the priority of call within each age group. 

Men turning age 20 during the calendar year of the lottery are called first, followed by those turning 21, 22, 23, 24, and 25. Men turning 19 and 18 would only be called if additional personnel are needed. Individuals are no longer eligible once they reach age 26.

If you really wanna dive in, go ahead and visit the official military draft website HERE. Enjoy!

Look, we have to laugh through the pain, right? That's what we do here. And just imagine the numbers a "Nightcaps Live from Iran" would do?! Can't wait. 

OK, let's lighten up the mood on our final Hump Day of March. Melania Trump walking down the hall with a robot this morning was … something:

Anyone else thinking what I'm thinking? That's how Joe Biden walked for four years, right? I mean … right? It's literally Joe Biden's walk. 

On a separate note, I'm not a fan of this. This is how it starts. Hell, it's already started. This is just the next step. Where do you reckon "Figure 03" would be drafted? Which round? 

Next? Did Maggie Sajak dominate the Grand Ole Opry this week, or WHAT?

Draft Shmaft! We have Maggie Sajak to get us through the hard times. She'll do just fine. What a #content run. 

Finally, on the way out, let's check in on the self-righteous sports media!

Congrats to Pablo for being nominated for an … investigation … that was a compete load of crap! They're nothing if not self-serving. Amazing. 

I'm sure Riley is beat up about it. 

Take us home!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Which round are you going in? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.