Michelle Obama Gives Us 'White People' A Lesson On Why Black People Can't Swim & It's A Racist Doozy

For some odd reason, Michelle Obama is just constantly in the news all of a sudden. It's like it's 2013 all over again. 

The former First Lady has been all over the internet over the past few weeks. Whether it's her insufferable podcast that gets 14 views, or some obscure interview she's doing, bitching and moaning about something, she's just been everywhere. And it's so bad. And so unnecessary. And so painful. 

But, she's the former First Lady, and the media in 2025 treat her with kid gloves, much like they did back in the good old days. No two people in America have the media in their pockets more than the Obamas. It's disgusting. 

Anyway, Michelle grabbed a microphone earlier this week and started screaming into it a lesson for "white people." That's right. A lesson for us white folks … about hair, and why black people can't swim. 

Her words, not mine!

Imagine, just for a second, if a white lady did this. Amazing:

What a RANT from Michelle Obama

My God. Again, just IMAGINE if a white person ranted like this. CNN would make it their top story for DAYS. Maddow would faint. Katie Couric would press charges. AOC and Mamdani would have the streets of New York City on FIRE. 

But Michelle Obama gets away with it, because she's A) black, and B) the former First Lady. And that's fine, by the way. I get it. This ain't my first time at this particular rodeo. But still, it's silly. 

Saying black people have curly hair and explaining it to white people – literally, to white people – as if we're forcing this burden upon her because of our "standards" is such an insane sentence to spew. Again, it would lead the evening news if the shoe was on the other foot. 

"Don't tell me how to wear my hair … Don't wonder about it … Don't touch it."

Huh? Quick, show of hands – how many white folks in the audience today have touched a black person's hair? Nobody? Thought so. 

Also, nobody has ever, in the history of time, told Michelle Obama she needs to straighten her hair. That's a lie. I promise you, that's a lie. 

What a way to start a Saturday. What a rant. 

Let's go have a day.