Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders Are Ready For 2023 Season, Warren Sapp Gives Joe The Mike Sherman Treatment, Trump's Return & Let's Gamble On College Football
Football is back in less than 24 hours, Donald J. Trump's mugshot is literally everywhere, the Miami Dolphins unveiled their 2023 cheerleaders and all I can think about is the Joe vs. Warren Sapp rivalry.
I mean, seriously? I didn't think anything could knock Trump out of the news cycle, and I really didn't envision it being this. I can't take my eyes off Joe's Twitter (X) feed today. I'm refreshing it like I do during the first day of NFL free agency.
What's Warren Sapp gonna say next? Does Joe need to go in witness protection? Should I be concerned? Why does Warren capitalize random letters in random places? So many questions, yet I'm also scared to even be writing this because I don't want to take on shrapnel.
I've seen Joe get dragged through the mud enough. I don't want that smoke. Don't need it. Not built for it.
Does THIS look fun to you?
My God. Is Joe the modern day Mike Sherman? Just can't get a word in edge-wise and Warren Sapp won't let up for two seconds to let him talk. Finger-pointing. Yelling. Screaming. Crazy eyes.
This is the modern day Sapp vs. Sherm. Honestly, Joe Kinsey ain't that far off from Mike Sherman. I can see Joe looking a little like that here in about 20 years.
Wild stuff. Football players are built different. Different breed. Different animal. Also, tech savvy! Who knew you could record a conversation? Warren Damn Sapp did!
Low-key hilarious photo Joe picked there, too. You know that angered Warren to no end.
Anyway, I'm #TeamJoe, obviously. At this point, I just wanna give him a hug and maybe a shoulder to rest on while Warren Sapp uncorks some vitriol for five minutes without taking a breath.
OK, let's now start Nightcaps!
Miami Dolphins introduce their 2023 cheerleader roster
Obviously this is a little different format today, but it's a Friday Nightcaps and you all know we play it fast and loose around here on this day.
Before we get to your newest Miami Dolphins cheerleaders, here's a quick rundown of what to expect today.
I'm thinking I use this space every Friday for a couple gambling picks for Saturday/Sunday games? Ya'll good with that? Full disclosure, I ain't great at it. If you want real tips, please -- for the love of God -- follow Geoff Clark.
I think we should also talk about Trump's Twitter return last night. It was jarring and made me want to create a Mount Rushmore of stunning returns in TV/movie history -- AKA Jon Snow.
I'd also like to take a sh*t on ESPN today for getting rid of Big & Rich and thus ruining one of the few precious things left from my childhood.
They truly are the worst.
But first -- it's time to unveil the 2023 Miami Dolphins cheerleaders!
Is this the worst decision in the history of ESPN?
That's #MyTeam. 17-0 upcoming. Lock it in now before Jonathan Taylor joins this Miami Dolphins freight train.
OK, now let's go from undefeated to very defeated -- ESPN!
For those who missed it, the dummies over there did the unthinkable yesterday. For some ungodly reason, they've parted ways with Big & Rich -- also known as THE Saturday anthem for any college football fan:
That last one has nothing to do with the Coming to your city intro, but it's still my favorite College Gameday intro of all time. I know David Hookstead watches it at least once a day. Absolute chills every single time.
Anyway, back to ESPN's lunacy.
How dare they decide to change the most iconic college football song of all time. What a bunch of woke losers -- especially if it had anything to do with Jon Rich's politics.
They haven't announced the new song, but I can promise you it will suck. It's like when Jay Fiedler came in and replaced Dan Marino in 2000. He was actually fine, but nobody cared because it wasn't Dan Marino.
This is such a bummer heading into the new season and I absolutely despise ESPN for it. As far as terrible decisions from them go, this one jumps straight to the top of the list. Idiots.
What a return to Twitter (X) for Donald J. Trump
While Big & Rich will no longer be coming to your city, Donald Trump will!
The former president had a yuge day yesterday, complete with a pesky surrender, mugshot and -- most importantly -- setting Twitter/X on fire.
Some will say they'll always remember where they were when they saw Trump's mugshot. For me, I'll always remember the moment I was half passed out on my couch mindlessly scrolling Twitter when this popped up out of nowhere:
Jarring. That was his first tweet since a couple days after something called Jan. 6, and I did a doubletake. Didn't think it was real. But there he was -- back from his photoshoot and back into our hearts, one capital letter at a time.
Obviously, my mind for whatever reason always goes back to movies and/or TV shows, so my first thought was Jon Snow. I don't know why, but Trump's return last night reminded me of the when the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch himself opened his eyes once again back in 2016.
Naturally, that led me down a Mount Rushmore of Cinematic Returns wormhole!
Let's get rich, opening the mailbag and Aaron Rodgers calls out the BS
Side note on that Indy one -- today would've been Sean Connery's 93rd birthday. Absolute legend. Icon. All-time great. Whatever you wanna call it, he was it.
James Bond, Henry Jones, Marko Ramius -- he was awesome.
OK, let's head to the mail before I hit the road for Daytona. It's race weekend, boys and girls. Come see me if you're in the Fan Zone. I'll be the one with the 25 oz Busch Light.
From Ryan:
Fully agree with your pie rankings. And now I am craving a real pot pie, not that microwave stuff.
Those of us here in chiefs kingdom are pretty optimistic about rashee rice, hopefully your late round pick pays off for both of us!
Thanks, Rhino!
That was in response to yesterday's Nightcaps in which I correctly laid out the Mount Rushmore of pies:
I also hope Rashee Rice is the real deal, because it looks like I'm gonna be without Jerry Jeudy for a while. Awesome.
Maybe I should've picked a Jets receiver instead, though? Looks like they have a decent guy calling the shots now:
What a demoralizing feeling that must be. Just getting little-boyed in front of the entire team. Get outta here, 34. You aint' ready for this smoke yet.
OK, let's make some picks for tomorrow's LOADED slate of Week 0 college football games. What does Clay say? Get rich, kids!
For some reason, I feel good about taking Louisiana Tech at -12 against FIU. Based off the fact that FIU is awful, that number seems low. Seems like La Tech can beat them by two tuddies at home to open the season, doesn't it.
I wanted to take the under in the Navy-Notre Dame, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna start my college football season rooting for punts. Can't do that to myself right off the bat. So let's hammer the over (49) here and hope for the best.
Like I said, I don't do much research for my gambling picks. For the in-depth stuff, go read Geoff's stuff and make yourself smarter.
Also, Vandy beat Hawaii 63-10 last year. And now they're only 17.5 point favorites at home? Seems fishy to me. As Creed Bratton once said, I like it!
There you go. Sorry in advance.
Take us into Daytona, Natalie Decker
Week 0 betting is just preseason anyways. Frankly, I'm just looking to blow whatever I have leftover in my account from last season so I can start fresh this year.
I'm also the gambler that will stupidly parlay those above bets just because and ultimately lose a ton of money before dinner tomorrow. Whatever. Football is BACK, baby!
So is racing in Daytona. Here's Xfinity driver Natalie Decker to get everyone hyped for the final regular season race of the season.
Let's go have ourselves a damn weekend. Hope you enjoyed today's class, Warren Sapp!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
The Miami Dolphins' cheerleaders are better than your team's. Prove me wrong! Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.