Maggie Sajak Dares Her Valentine's Dress To Stay On, Gavin Newsom Tossed Like A Ragdoll & The Olympic Gaymes!

Well, here we are. Over the hump and safely into a big Thursday. We lost James Van Der Beek in the process, which was just such a huge bummer, but we have to move forward. 

He was a good one. A lot of these Hollywood people seem like good people, but they're really awful when the cameras aren't on. 

I had to serve Robert De Niro once on a beach on Nantucket. He's the worst. Drew Barrymore, on the other hand? Sweet as pie. She might be nuts now, but she's still authentic behind the scenes. At least she was a decade ago. 

I feel like James Van Der Beek was the same way. By all accounts, he seemed like a genuinely good guy. A husband. A father. A good person. And he was only 48. Just brutal. Let's have a good class today for the gunslinger under center. 

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where Maggie Sajak gears up for Valentine's Day in the most diabolical dress this side of the Mississippi. 

What else? I've got bisexual Olympian Breezy Johnson lecturing straight white people (what a time to be alive), Mets girl Simone Eli has reported to camp, and poor Gavin Newsom was tossed aside like a ragdoll by his lunatic wife yesterday. Tough scene. Just emasculating stuff. 

Grab you a water to celebrate Abraham Lincoln's 217th birthday, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!

This is a tough watch for anyone with a functioning penis 

True story, by the way. Whenever some obscure figure comes up on my birthday list, I look up his or her favorite cocktail. It usually leads me down a wormhole. Like the Babe Ruth breakfast one from last week. 

Anyway, I looked up Abe's favorite drink on what would've been his 217th birthday today, and he just liked … water. That's it. Just water. I realize the options back then were more limited than they are today, but still. This dude was ALL business. 

He's also quoted as once saying that he didn't like alcohol because it made him feel "flabby and undone."

Hard to argue with that, especially at around 8 p.m. on an NFL Sunday. I've often searched for the right words to describe how I feel at the end of long football weekend of gambling and drinking, and "flabby and undone" are the perfect ones. Thanks, Abe. You nailed it. 

OK, let's get this class started by pivoting from a good politician, to one whose balls are currently residing in a jar on his wife's nightstand:

Everything is Breezy!

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Nellie! That's the most emasculating thing I've ever seen. Gavin must've been fuming as his wife drove them home last night. What a LUNATIC. Just grabs the mic, shoves Gavin off to the side like a ragdoll, and starts to scold the lefty media because they aren't asking them enough questions about killing babies. 

Amazing stuff from start to finish. They always – ALWAYS – end up eating themselves, folks. They'll turn on their own in SECOND. Happens every single time. 

This, by the way, would never happen to my Governor. Mainly because he's not a complete wussy, but also because Casey DeSantis isn't a psychopath. 

God, I love this state. 

You know who probably wouldn't love it? Olympic gold medalist Breezy Johnson. WAY too many straight white people down here:

Maggie, Simone & Joe!

I came to the conclusion that I was bi, and then very quickly thereafter came to the conclusion that I had to tell people that – because they deserve to know that the world of champions is not just comprised of straight white people.

We were so close to having a normal Olympian to root for. SO close. 

Why? Why did they "deserve to know that the world of champions is not just comprised of straight white people"? I honestly do not understand that logic. And it has nothing to do with gay people. I don't care. I do not care. Be gay all you want. Have at it. Go nuts. Or don't go nuts. I don't know. 

But why did you feel the need to bash the "straight white people" along the way? It just makes no sense. Half the time, you ARE a straight white person! Does Breezy Johnson just hate herself half the time? It's just an odd way to celebrate a gold medal. 

And for those of you who really like to see how full of shit these gaslighters are … how about THIS for a follow-up from Breezy:

That's right. Breezy Johnson, the bisexual Olympian who hates straight white males, won a gold medal and got engaged to … a straight white male. 

As my Nightcaps counterpart Amber Harding told me today, it's all performative. Well, she actually said a lot more than that, but I'll let her explain it next week. 

OK, let's rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big Thursday night. First up? It's officially spring training time in Florida and Arizona. Everyone has reported. We've got a week until the fake games begin. Less than three weeks until the World Baseball Classic. 

Mets girl Simone Eli has also reported for duty – right down the road from me!

Don't know what "Nightcap" coverage is, but that feels a little copyright-y to me. Head on a swivel, Simone. 

I am looking forward to the World Baseball Classic, though. It was ELECTRIC two years ago. One of the most underrated tournaments in sports, especially when the USA is good. 

Here's your fridge magnet for this year's edition, hot off the press:

Mexico vs. USA on Monday, March 9? I'd go ahead and clear some time for that one. Between this and March Madness, I think we're in for a special month. 

Next? Let's quickly check in on the Joe Judge portion of today's Trinidad Chambliss court hearing:

What a take here from Joe Judge. He is gonna catch some HEAT for this one. And, frankly, I get it. But, I see both sides here. 

This is reality, right or wrong. This is what happens when you start playing players. They are no longer student-athletes. They are employees. It's kind of a scummy way to put it, and I would hope that any football fathers out there wouldn't just detach themselves from the room all night like Joe suggests, but I don't think what he's trying to get across is completely crazy. 

Now, why this was being discussed during an eligibility hearing, I have no idea. None. I think the whole thing is nuts. Frankly, this QB class is so crappy, I don't understand why Trinidad would want to come back. 

Wild times in college football. Stupid times. But, that's a story for another day. 

Instead, we're gonna end this class on a high note – like Maggie Sajak reminding the fellas that Valentine's Day is right around the corner (literally). 

See you tomorrow. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Was Joe Judge out of line? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.