Liberals Waging War On Nicotine Pouches Is A Battle They're Not Ready For

I can deal with a lot of nonsense from the left -- Lord knows I do. At this point, most of it just bounces off me like rubber bullets. I'm numb to it, because it's just so, so dumb and I'm just so, so tired. You can only take so much lunacy.

But this? This I won't tolerate. Sometimes in life, you have to take a stand. You have to pick your battle, your moment, and seize it. Full throttle. Riley Gaines chose fighting for women's sports, which is commendable. It's an important fight to fight, and she continues to crush it.

That's her OutKick battle, though. Mine? I'm throwing on my work boots, digging my feet in the sand, throwing in a Rogue Wintergreen 6 Mg, and drawing a line. A hard one -- not the fake one Obama drew years ago.

If the liberals -- led by Chuck freaking Schumer -- want to come after my nicotine pouches -- our nicotine pouches -- they better be ready for all-out war. It's a fight they don't want, and one I promise they won't win.

Hey, Chuck -- piss off. Let me enjoy my buzz in peace.

Chuck Schumer is trying to take away our Zyn and I won't stand for it

For those who missed it, Chuck Schumer inexplicably waged war on nicotine pouches earlier this week -- specifically Zyn. Nobody and I mean nobody asked him to do it, but he went ahead and poked the bear anyway.

"It's a pouch packed with problems – high levels of nicotine," Schumer said at a press conference, surprisingly without a mask (he's boosted, though, so I'm sure he's good!).

"So today, I'm delivering a warning to parents because these nicotine pouches seem to lock their sites on young kids, teenagers and even lower. And then use the social media to hook them."

We've got a border so open it'll make your head spin, blueberries that cost $10 at Publix, an economy that STINKS -- just because it's 'better' than it was a year ago doesn't make it great, Joe -- and the Democrats are choosing to come after my nicotine pouch. I don't think so. Not today.

And yes, I'm 30. Chuck is more concerned with the teens. OK. Sure. That's just the start, folks. Wake up.

We can't let them get away with it. I've seen this movie before. They say they only care about one thing and then before you know it I lose my morning Rogue and coffee.

My brother often texts me that that little combo -- nicotine pouch and coffee around 8 a.m. -- makes him feel invincible. Nothing like it. You remember that scene in Empire Strikes Back when Luke's stupid pilot buddy tells him he feels like he could take on the whole Empire?

That's me when I start my day the right way -- 6 milligrams of wintergreen nicotine and black Maxwell house. Chuck Schumer ain't taking that away.

Now, to be fair, I think that guy eventually got shot down, so it may not be the best example, but you get my point.

I dipped Copenhagen for years. Years. I'm only 30, and I did it for YEARS. But I stopped completely this time last year because I discovered Rogues. I prefer them over Zyns, but it's all the same at the end of the day -- although Velos suck. I think we can all agree on that.

And you know what? My gums feel better today. My teeth look a little cleaner, too. Wife is certainly a lot happier.

I don't know the science behind it all -- I assume they're not great for you -- but you know what, Chuck? I don't care. I feel good. And guess what? I can even drink my beer WHILE sucking on a Rogue at the same time.

Win-win! You know how hard it was to drink and dip the real stuff? Now I get to drink more! It's the most American thing possible.

And by the way, for the inevitable where are the facts! crowd ...

"Nicotine, detached from cigarette smoke, is about as risky as caffeine," Guy Bentley, the director of consumer freedom for the Reason Foundation, told Fox News Digital this week.

What a NAME, by the way!

General Surgeon Dr. Jeffrey A. Singer -- not as cool of a name but still packs a punch -- also spoke to FND this past week.

"(Nicotine) is a relatively harmless drug" that is "similar to caffeine, which can also addict people," he said. "Nicotine is the addictive component of tobacco smoke, but the tars and other components of tobacco smoke are what cause cancer, cardiovascular disease, and lung disease."

Take that, Chuck!

I won't stand for anyone -- much less a Democrat -- who's out to ban my nicotine pouch. And I'm certain I'm not alone.

We're a pretty divided party right now -- don't know if you've heard. You've got those who love Trump, those still reeling from the Ron DeSantis loss, those confused by Nikki Haley. Hell, I'm sure Vivek's still out there somewhere, saying something silly.

All I keep hearing is "We need to come together and win back the presidency!" Well, this is it. This is the moment that brings all the Republicans back to the same, nicotine-laced table.

You've already made us poor(er), made buying a house impossible, locked us down for years (not here in Florida, though) and the second amendment is always on thin ice.

But I'll be damned if you're gonna take away our nicotine pouches.

Tread lightly, Chuck. This is a battle you don't want.

Written by
Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.