Jared Goff's Fiancée Invades Green Bay, Swifties Attack Kelce's Ex & Bride Hits Bombs On Wedding Day
It's National Drink Beer Day, we've got Thursday Night Football on the docket and Jared Goff's smokeshow fiancée, Christen Harper, has checked back in after a social media hiatus.
Who has it better than us? Nobody. The only person not having a good day is Chris Christie, who -- unlike Ronald Acuna Jr. -- is NOT a 40-70 guy.
Could hit maybe run into 40 homers one year? Perhaps. But I don't think this cat is swiping 70 bags, unless they're filled with Doritos.
(PS: the purple Doritos are the undisputed GOAT).
Incredible. I don't even care about Chris Christie and you couldn't have paid me enough to watch the debate last night, but funny is funny around here. It's all fair game. That is ... something. Team Trump is just ruthless.
OK, back to Nightcaps.
We'll check in with Jared Goff and Christen Harper here in a bit. We'll also pick sides in the Taylor Swift/Maya Benberry debate (easy call, BTW) and then introduce everyone to perhaps the greatest wife-to-be of all time.
Oh yeah, did I mention it's National Beer Day? Obviously we'll dive in.
Pour literally anything but a Bud Light -- unless you're sellout Travis Kelce, of course -- and settle in for a Thursday Nightcap!
Christen Harper and Jared Goff are favored tonight in Green Bay
Let's start with the return of football tonight out at Lambeau, where the Lions are favored by two. I don't know how often Detroit's been favored in Green Bay over the past three decades, but it just can't be very much, if at all.
Personally, I like the Packers to win and cover tonight. They get Aaron Jones back, they get Christian Watson back, and Detroit may be down David Montgomery. I think I'll hammer it, which is good news for you Lions fans out there!
Although, to be fair, I had a weirdly good Sunday gambling in the NFL. And then I doubled down and had a good Monday! That either means we're at the beginning of a heater or about to come plunging back down to earth.
Buckle up!
In any event, Jared Goff's Sports Illustrated fiancée Christen Harper certainly gives the Lions an edge. No argument here.
Swifties, I promise you don't want this smoke
Go get 'em, Christen Harper!
While we're on the topic of NFL WAGs, let's check in with Travis Kelce's ex-GF, Maya Benberry, who basically said Travis cheated on her earlier this week.
That got the Taylor Swift fans all fired up -- God, they're the worst -- and prompted them to attack her latest Instagram post, which also appeared to be a little shot at Taylor Swift.
You dated him 2017. People change and move on. Maybe you should too.
This girl is salty over a guy she dated YEARS ago😂😂😂 hilarious lmao. She just wants the 15 minutes of fame.
Welp! He definitely upgraded and u my dear are just cringe lol.
Come on. "Upgraded." Seriously?
Guys, you don't want it. I promise you, this cat right here is a loose cannon. You can tell by looking at her. Crazy eyes. Passive aggressive social media jabs. She's got all the makings of a gunslinger and crazy ex-girlfriend. Get the hell out of her mentions and run.
Now, I'm obviously #TeamMaya. I told you I can't stand Travis Kelce anymore and I stopped paying attention to Taylor Swift when she ditched country music 15 years ago.
I also don't think I'm being biased when I say Kelce most definitely did NOT upgrade with this latest move. I just call it like I see 'em.
This wife gets it
Whoaaaaaaa nellie! Blowout city. Give 'em hell, Maya!
Now, you wanna know who trumps both Maya AND Taylor Swift? This chick who decided to hit an absolute BOMB off the tee on her wedding day -- in full uniform!
I mean, good lord. What a woman:
Wheel of fortune, sad Cubs announcers & monster pigs
Look, that video could very well be old, but you all know the rules: if I see something for the first time, it's brand new and will be treated as such.
Great swing from this bride and she absolutely pipes it down the fairway. Also, to the overdramatic guy in the background, relax. We know you're just doing that for the video, you're not really that excited about her drive. We gotcha. Relax. It's enough already.
Big fan of this chick. The First Lady has never been to a golf course with me and probably never will. It's better that way. But I'd have no qualms about this girl joining my threesome. None at all.
Obviously it was pun intended! Come on. That one was too easy. Just put on a tee for me!
... just like this Wheel of Fortune clue, or so you'd think.
Dining jar! What the hell is a dining jar? To be fair, though, are dining cars even a thing anymore? They have one on Nantucket still -- can't hide money! -- but that's just about the only place I've ever seen one.
Still, feel like this was a missed opportunity by this girl. And how about Pat Sajak just being beyond annoyed with that crappy answer? You can hear it in his voice. Just a quick "no" and he moves on. He can't believe how dumb she is.
Just like these holier-than-thou Cubs announcers couldn't believe Ronald Acuna last night:
Good God. Get over yourselves. Hey, dummies -- what do you think folks are gonna talk more about 50 years from now? Ronald Acuna Jr. making history or the 2023 Cubs fighting for a third wild card spot? Boo-hoo.
"You can't stop the game." What? Of course you can. It's in Atlanta. The Braves are a wagon. They've locked it all up. They can walk off the damn field without an explanation if they wish and you know what? It won't affect their lives one bit.
Get over yourselves.
Now, here's a giant pig to get us back on track:
NBA TV makes a giant trade and it's National Beer Day
From Fox 7 in Austin:
A woman says her family members are banged up and bruised after a "very large pig" attacked them. The family said the pig has come back several times.
"My grandma's being attacked by a random pig. Now my grandpa's being attacked," a 911 caller told dispatch on Monday.
Wendy Goldstein says the pig went after her daughter and disabled parents. She described the pig as 300 pounds, black and white spotted, and was foaming at the mouth.
"My daughter got hurt out here, and then he barreled though, my mom wrestled with him at the doorway, tried to prevent him from coming in, he barreled on through, got ahold of my dad, my mom tried to lay on top of him to crunch him down until the cops got here to get him, he overpowered her and got on top of her. He had her flattened like an accordion," she said.
Like an accordion! What a line. Put that one in the Hall of Fame TODAY. Florida and Texas are wild places. God I love the south.
OK, let's pump out a quick Mount Rushmore of beers on our way out.
Honestly, I feel pretty good about that list. Usually I'm a little iffy on these, but when it comes to beer I feel confident in my life experiences with the stuff.
I do feel a little dirty on the Mango Cart one because it's from LA, but whatever. I'll let my governor deal with Gavin Newsom next month.
OK, that's enough for today. We have a big Jared Goff-Jordan Love showdown to watch and money to win.
Here's NBA TVs newest sideline reporter, Lauren Jbara, on your way out.
Let's go have a night.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Cam Jared Goff and Christen Harper bring a Super Bowl to Detroit? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.