CBS Girl Jenny Dell Has Patriots Buzzing In A Tiny Blue Dress, Kay Adams Brings The Heat & CNN Is Stumped!

Over the hump and safely into the first Thursday (Friday) of July. 

And buddy, there ain't NOTHING better than a Thursday that's really a Friday because there's a holiday tomorrow. It's rare that we get holidays that actually fall on a Friday. Like when Christmas falls on a Tuesday? The worst. 

But the Man Upstairs threw us a bone this year and dropped Independence Day on a Friday. What a MOVE! What did Doug Heffernan once say?

"I know we're all God's children, but sometimes I think he likes me extra-special."

Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Thursday (Friday) Nightcaps – the one where we put the ‘blue’ in Red, White & Blue with CBS girl Jenny Dell, and go from there. 

What else? I've got Kathy Griffin looking like something out of a Stephen King novel, PETA being insufferable as usual ahead of the Fourth of July, and Kay DAMN Adams checking in with an all-time heater. 

What a run from a Nightcaps OG. 

OK, let's get this show on the road. I've got a garage door repairman on the way to my house, and I'd imagine he's about to tear a hole in my pockets, so I need to mentally prepare. 

Take a second and grab a fifth for the fourth on the third, and settle in for a Thursday (Friday) 'Cap!

Kathy Griffin's had a couple of those

First off – that's pretty clever, right? Admittedly, I stole it from someone – who I'm sure stole it from a dozen other people – but it still made me laugh. 

Anyway … before we get to Kathy looking like a walking nightmare, do we have any garage experts in class today? 

Went to close mine last night, and it made the most God-awful sound you've ever heard. I looked, and the top was literally crunching together as it attempted to go all the way down. Never seen anything like it. 

I managed to close the thing by manually getting it the rest of the way, but now I'm petrified at what comes next. We have a garage expert coming over today – didn't even know those existed! – and I assume he's going to tell me I'm cooked and need to replace the door entirely. 

Google tells me that's north of $1,000, which, frankly, I'm really excited about. Should be a fun third! 

Let's grab a fifth – and when I tell you to chug it, I mean CHUG IT – because it's time for Kathy Griffin to be unleashed:

Kay Adams fires her signature fastball

My God. 

Absolute chills. I didn't think it was real. But it's real. That's a real person. That's Kathy Griffin in 2025. 

She's Pennywise the clown from IT. I mean, that much is obvious. It's so obvious, I really didn't have to say it, did I? You all knew. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain can make that connection. 

I've covered a ton of these lunatics since I joined OutKick three years ago. Rosie O'Donnell is a staple at this point, especially since she moved to Ireland. 

Same with Ellen, who fled the country late last year with her wife, and is now living on a farm in the UK. 

But Kathy Griffin puts them all to shame. They're all minor-leaguers compared to her. What Donald Trump has done to this woman is shocking. He's completely broken her. Could you imagine looking like that? 

I'm serious. Just imagine for a second looking in a mirror before leaving your house, and saying, ‘Yeah, this will play. Let’s hit the road!' 

Kathy shouldn't ever do that again. Kay Adams, on the other hand, is free to leave the house whenever the hell she wants!

Jenny's ready to roll, PETA is NOT & pray for CNN!

Goodness gracious, is Kay Adams on top of the world right now or what? Nobody in sports media does it better than Queen Kay. Nobody. 

And how about the Henry Rowengartner jersey? Electric. Such a dominant move from Kay, and, if we're being honest, a dominant sports movie. 

Mount Rushmore of Sports Movies to fire y'all up before the actual fireworks? Why the hell not?!

1. Remember the Titans (so far above everything else it's laughable)

2. The Sandlot (Wendy Peffercorn gets respect around here)

3. Miracle (honestly, I'm only putting it here so you don't yell at me)

4. Cool Runnings!

Didn't see that one coming, did you?! We zig, they zag. Don't you forget it. John Candy will always earn a spot on my Mount Rushmores. If you don't like it, CNN is right down the hall!

Speaking of, let's rapid-fire this Thursday (Friday) class into a big Thursday (Friday) night!

Hilarious. Honestly, we do this EVERY SINGLE MONTH at this point. 

"Job report exceeds expectations!"

"Trump's economy baffles the experts!"

Rinse, wash, repeat. At what point do the Libs realize that they're so far outmatched when it comes to Trump and the economy? How many times will he "exceed expectations" before they, I don't know, ADJUST their virtue-signaling expectations? 

Amazing. Pray for CNN!

Next? Also, pray for all the dead animals tomorrow!

A spokesperson for the animal rights org. says PETA mascots -- including Tommy Tofu and "his PETA pals" -- will be outside of the event at Nathan's Famous in Brooklyn on Friday afternoon in the hopes of deterring fans from eating tube steaks.

We're told they'll be handing out vegan hot dogs ... challenging "hungry spectators to enjoy a free, flavorful Fourth that is also animal-friendly."

"Vegan hot dogs are delicious and kind, and who really wants to support slaughterhouses -- the word is enough -- by buying what comes out of them," PETA exec Tracy Reiman said.

Piss off, PETA. Scumbags. They're just so insufferable. I would LOVE to see them try and pull that crap down here in Florida. It would be such a bloodbath. 

And I don't even like hot dogs all that much. Does anyone? Seriously, think about it and be honest with yourselves … nobody really likes a hot dog. If America loved hot dogs, they'd be a staple on every menu. 

But they're not. Burgers are, because they're vastly superior. It's not even close. 

Tomorrow, though? On the Fourth? I'm gonna eat one, mainly just to stick it to the wokes at PETA. 

That being said, this does give me the chance to recycle one of my all-time favorite Lib tweets:

A SIN!!!!! Incredible. I bet Peter thinks Kathy Griffin looks HOT. What a lunatic. 

OK, that's it for today. Let's have a big Thursday (Friday) night! Take us into the most patriotic day of the year, Jenny Dell!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You all in on my Mount Rushmore? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.