Brittany Mahomes Slips Into A Bikini & Slugs Margs With Taylor Swift, Scumbag Framber Valdez & Grade My Draft!

First Hump Day of September? NFL Kickoff Eve? Five straight days of football taking the green flag in 24 hours? Fantasy football. Gambling. Anytime touchdowns. 

It's all back. It's over. Our long, miserable, 8-month nightmare is over. We've made it. Fall is here. Football is here, and it ain't going anywhere, any time soon. 

And if that doesn't get you ready to hump your brains out, I truly don't know what will. There's a little blue pill with your name on it at your local pharmacy!

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where Brittany Mahomes and Taylor Swift get us ready for the 2025 regular season. Come on. You didn't think I wouldn't jam a couple big SEO names into the system to try and get us off to a strong start, did you? 

What else? I've got Framber Valdez being an absolute scumbag in Houston – and I'm a former catcher, so I will gladly say that. We'll also have NFL WAG Gia Duddy waving goodbye to summer, a new Sydney Sweeney ad that has the Libs seething, and our yearly edition of Grade My Fantasy Draft. 

It was at Buffalo Wild Wings last weekend, and yes – I had the burger. Great news! It still holds up. Even got three other guys to try it, and they're all on board. The best. 

OK, grab you whatever you need to get you through the next 24 hours as fast as possible, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

Obama has a LinkedIn?

Didn't think we'd be starting a Hump Day with Barry, but as is life in 2025. I've also got a house to move into by Friday, so I'm gonna be quick today and Obama is an easy time-filler. 

Yes, I'm moving. Yes, I just moved two years ago. No, it wasn't super-planned. No, I'm not leaving Florida. I would never. I'm an adult. 

I am going about two hours south to my hometown, so I'm actually going even further into the belly of the beast. I'm going to miss DeLand and Volusia County. I've been here for nearly a decade now. It's sad. I'm stressed. I've been sick for five days now. 

So, yes, this class is gonna be speedier than a horny high school senior on prom night. Allegedly, of course. 

Anyway, how about this troll job by Donald J. Trump on Barack Obama? 

The Libs still love Sydney Sweeney!

So petty, but so perfect. And just think, the Libs tried convincing us (and themselves) that Trump was dead last weekend!

Jokes on you, dummies! He was just updating his profile picture … along with Obama's!

My immediate question? Why does Barack Obama have a LinkedIn account? People are glossing over that today, but I think it's a fair question. What's that all about? Knowing Barry, I'd imagine it's just to feed his ego. But who knows? 

Anyway, it'll probably come down soon, given Donald Trump is now front and center of his biggest career accomplishment. You know this drives Obama NUTS. Has to. Again, the only person in the world with a comparable ego is Trump. There's no way he lets this stand for too long. No shot. 

Here's my next question: What should the White House change the picture to next? That's a good one to marinate on tonight. The auto pen? Sydney Sweeney? The fat governor of Illinois? Some obscure JD Vance picture? Hunter Biden doing coke? 

Lemme know!

Wait, did someone say Sydney Sweeney …

Brittany, Taylor, Gia & what a SCUMBAG

Did Sid the Kid do it again, or WHAT? Let's head on over to Zuckerberg's insufferable Instagram and get a quick pulse-check from the Libs:

Sorry, but the Jimmy Choo brand value is not currently strong enough to be making this mistake.

Haven't we learned anything?

It's not hating a girl, it is understanding the social context of it. I'm glad people are aware of this, what she currently represents, and are against it! Jimmy Choo, what a mistake.

Whoever approved this, and thought this was a good idea….they should simply look at these comments. It’s not good.

For those who are lost and think people are complaining because of her looks. Its not her if shes beautiful or not its what she represents and what comes attached with her.

Hollywood really wants to make Sydney Sweeney happen when it’s not gonna happen. 

Incredible. They HATE her now. Ever since she turned in the 'ol red card, Sydney Sweeney is enemy No. 1 for the Libs. Welcome to the winning team, Sid! Enjoy the tears!

OK, let's rapid-fire this NFL Eve Hump Day class into a big NFL Eve Hump Day Night. 

First up? Before we turn our attention to football for the next five months, let's head on down over to Houston, where Framber Valdez pulled off maybe the scummiest move I've ever seen in my life on Tuesday night:

I have always hated Framber Valdez. Maybe it's the Red Sox fan in me. I don't know, and I don't care, because I've been proven 10000% right. 

This is such a dick move. Honestly, it's grounds for termination, and I'm being serious. You cannot pull that shit, and then walk back into a major league clubhouse and expect to compete. You can't. And don't tell me it wasn't intentional. It was 100% intentional. 

Cross-ups are extinct in today's age of baseball. Nobody puts down signs anymore. It's all done via headset and buttons now. You simply cannot get crossed up anymore. It's impossible. 

Look at what Framber does after pelting his catcher with a 93 mph sinker in the chest … he just turns around, emotionless. No pitcher on the PLANET would act like that. I'm a former catcher. Sure, it was at the DIII level for an almost impossibly bad college team, but it was college nonetheless. 

Believe me, this was intentional, and it was the scummiest thing I have ever seen on a baseball field. Send Framber Valdez to the moon. He's a shithead. 

On that fun note … three more on the way out! Gia Duddy is READY for football, but also still respecting summer (even though it's fall):

There ain't a bigger NFL WAG free agent on the market right now than Gia Duddy. Sure, she comes with risks, but what free agent still on the market on Sept. 3 doesn't?

I'd be willing to roll the dice. Hopefully, someone does before the trade deadline. We'll see. 

Next? Before we end class with Brittany Mahomes, I need some grades on my fantasy draft from last weekend. I lost in the first round of the playoffs in this league last year. I've been in it for 13 (!!!) years, and still haven't won. Came close a few times, but haven't crossed the finish line just yet. 

12 team, PPR:

I had the No. 2 pick. After I took Chase, there was an insane run on RBs over the next 15 picks or so. Thank GOD Achane fell to me at the end of Round 2, or I would've really been cooked. 

My running back group is obviously shaky here after Achane and Henderson. Like I said, there was an insane RB run early on, and it sort of forced me to load up on receivers and try to piece it together throughout the year. We'll see. 

PS: Cardinals D is a sleeper the first two weeks. Look at the schedule, and plan to drop them after that. 

You know who ain't a sleeper(s)? Brittany Mahomes and Taylor Swift. Those two Chiefs gals take us into a big Hump Day night. 

Happy 30th, Brit!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

What should Trump's next White House profile picture be? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.