Blue-Collar Dunkin' Brews Wokeness With Latest Reveal

I've always been a Dunkin' guy, even when they stupidly dropped ‘Donuts’ from their name. 

I thought it was dumb, but I let it slide at the time because I'm a blue-collar dude who appreciates the hard-hat mentality. I also lived in Boston for four years, and there's a Dunkin' literally on every single street corner. You either adapted, or you died. 

But, beyond that, they were the anti-Starbucks. That's what I appreciated most about Dunkin'. They know who they are, and they don't shy away from it. No fancy names like "tall" or "grande." It's small, medium and large. This is America, and they acted like it. 

Unfortunately, it's been brought to my attention that the place America once ‘ran on’ has turned a dark corner. They've gone down a dangerous path, and I'm not sure how this ends. Frankly, I'm not sure it's one I can follow. 

In a stunning move, Dunkin' announced this week that they are unleashing their Pumpkin menu on August 20th. That's two weeks from today. Right now. Worse yet, it's nearly a full week earlier than Starbucks. 

I was disgusted when I learned Starbucks would be shoving PSLs down our throats so early, and I ripped them like the woke losers they are. 

Fair is fair, and I have to do the same to Dunkin' here. 

Sad. 

There's a time for this behavior, and this ain't it, Dunkin'

My God. What a disaster. What an embarrassment for this country. I expect this sort of behavior from the pink-haired baristas over at Starbucks. I'm numb to it. You know what you're getting with Starbucks. I don't like it, but I get it. 

But Dunkin'? Come on. This is how ‘wokeness’ is created, by the way. Right here. Forget the whole ‘men in women’s sports' thing. That's peanuts compared to this. 

Releasing fall items in August? Nope. That's not how this works. It's not American. And by the way, this isn't a crusade against pumpkin coffee. I love pumpkin coffee. I love pumpkin beer. But there's a time and place for it, and August 20th ain't it. 

I've bitched about this before, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it again here. If you've read this rant already, feel free to move on …

I believe the "fall season" starts the Tuesday AFTER Labor Day Monday. I know that's not when it technically starts. Joe Kinsey and the Screencaps Brigade contend it doesn't start until a few weeks later. 

They're wrong, in my opinion. Summer runs from Memorial Day weekend through Labor Day weekend. That's the natural course of summer. 

You start it with a bang, and end it with a bang. Labor Day weekend, by the way, is maybe the most underrated weekend of the year. 

You get the return of college football, first and foremost. August 30th this month is going to be the best. First Saturday of college football? My God. I can't wait. 

But you also have the majority of fantasy football drafts happening that weekend, too. We have a standing reservation at Applebee's for our fantasy draft, and have had it every single year since 1998. It's the best. 

You get MORE college football that Sunday night … and then that Monday night, too! It's just four straight days of football after not having it for the past eight months. 

And that's the perfect way to end summer. It's the perfect bow to put on the #SummerSZN. 

The Tuesday morning after that long weekend is when you're allowed to put on the Pumpkin goggles. Go to Dunkin' and get you a large Pumpkin iced with crème and a turbo shot. 

Hell, do it again that afternoon when the coffee is half-off. I encourage it. 

But jumping the gun and indulging two weeks prior? It's disgusting. It doesn't count. It's Liberal behavior. Fall is great, but summer deserves some respect, too. 

Be better, Dunkin'. What a rug-pull.