Alina Habba's Sizzling White House Picture Melts Libs, Tiffani Amber's Feet Cause A Stir & Trump's Double Bomb
St. Patrick's Day on a … Monday? My God. What a waste of a holiday.
Now, to be fair, I'm married with two kids. I celebrate St. Patrick's Day about as hard as I celebrate New Year's Eve and Cinco de Mayo.
I'm doing the exact same thing tonight as I do every night – put kids to bed, pray they stay asleep long enough for us to watch a show, and plan for my six-month-old to wake up the second I start to dose off around 11.
After that, I'll head into his room and watch an episode of Fargo while he falls back asleep, and then watch another after he wakes up when I try to put him back down.
We'll both eventually cry ourselves to sleep for good, and that'll be that. Happy St. Patrick's Day!
But, for those of you who aren't total losers with no social life, St. Patty's Day falling on a Monday seems like a real kick in the dick. I'm sorry. You deserve better. Trump's on it, I'm sure!
Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we turn on America with Alina Habba and go from there.
What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded weekend of #content, Tiff Amber checks in with an all-green Irish dance, a brawl broke out at yesterday's St. Patty's Day parade in Boston (shocker) and Jessica Simpson finds herself back on stage for the first time in 15 years.
Yes, 44-year-old Jessica Simpson. She's BACK. Does she still have IT? We'll all find out together. What a day.
Grab you a Guinness (low-hanging fruit, I know, but did you just hear how my nights go right now?) and settle in for a St. Patrick's Day 'Cap!
Strong start to the week for the White House!
Hilarious. I didn't intend to start class by deporting a couple scumbags with Semisonic blasting in the background, but buddy, I will TAKE IT.
Insane video here by whoever the hell runs this account. 10/10. No notes. The Libs are all pissing their britches right now because Trump flew these criminals straight outta here without any warning, but I'm all for it.
Imagine being upset because we're sending these lunatics to prison? Just think about how ass-backwards the Dems are right now. They hate Trump so much, they're causing a fuss because Trump "defied orders."
No, he didn't. The American people ordered him to clean this country up, and that's exactly what he did over the weekend.
I also love all the Libs on social media who immediately respond to stuff like this with, "did you vote for this?!"
YES! We did vote for it. All of it, you dummies! You're fired! All of you. Bye-bye. Enjoy prison, scumbags.
Between this, and Trump murdering some terrorists at the turn over the weekend, I LOVE the momentum we're carrying into this week.
It's strong. Let's keep it that way.
What a weekend of #content!
Amazing. What a life. One minute you're hitting bombs down the fairway en route to another Club Championship, the next you're blowing up terrorists in Yemen.
Some folks get a hot dog and a couple transfusions at the turn. Others bomb the shit out of bad guys. Different worlds.
PS: golfed on Sunday. Just not playing well right now. After about two slice-free years, it's come back with absolute vengeance out of NOWHERE these past few rounds. Brutal. Combine that with a 30 MPH crosswind for the entire round, and, needless to say, I lost about a dozen nuggets. Onwards.
OK, let's get to the best #content from a weekend chalk-full of it. Is Bapple coming back?!
Alina, Tiff Ann & the St. Patty's Day vibes are FLOWING
Big weekend. The Libs let y'all get to it, and, once again, you didn't disappoint. You're undefeated. Couple things …
1. If Busch Light Apple is truly coming back, it's about damn time. Anheuser-Busch yanking that two years ago was dumber than the Mulvaney stunt. By a MILE.
Bapple is, arguably, the greatest one-off beer on the planet. I'm serious. I'd put it up against anything. If it's truly coming back in May, I think we're all in for a special summer.
2. Denny Hamlin casually winning $270k at the slots in Vegas the Saturday night before an automobile race is insane. How do people get that lucky? When the hell will I get to experience it? I won $3 on a scratch-off for my birthday and thought it was a big day. Like I said, different worlds.
3. Egg prices? Egg prices! I'm sure you'll hear all about it over on CNN and MSNBC today!
4. Elite celebration.
5. Kay.
Rapid-fire time on this Middle Monday of March. First up? While that Conor McGregor picture with Trump and Vance goes hard, it doesn't hold a candle to this THIRST Alina Habba sent out over the weekend:
God Bless America. Another heater from Alina. What a run she's been on – and it's only March! Absolute pistol.
Can't wait to see what she has up her sleeve for tonight. I'm thinking she's gonna make a return trip to class on Wednesday. We'll see.
Next? Might as well stay with the St. Patty's theme for the rest of class. Tiff Ann, you're up!
The feet people are gonna LOVE this Tiff Ann thirst. Love it. They're gonna eat it up. Remember when Rex Ryan famously said this:
Buddy … Rex is gonna be foaming at the MOUTH after seeing what Tiff Ann has in store for him today on the Instagram. Getcha some, Rexy!
PS: let's check in on some of the comments just so we can all feel better about ourselves:
Hi Tiffani you do have absolutely beautiful feet in this video of you.
Pretty feet. How ticklish are your pretty feet?
I've always loved her feet.
mmm, dirty feet!
And that concludes the feet portion of today's class. Probably won't be a recurring segment around here. Just a guess.
Finally … let's check in on the fine folks up in Boston. Big day for them!
Take us home, Jessica Simpson!
Absolute chaos. Shocking that South Boston is a shitshow right now. If you've ever been up that way for St. Patrick's Day, you know.
Great city, but you have to have your head on a SWIVEL today. It's just getting started. There are going to be some disappointed parents come tomorrow morning.
God, I miss college.
OK, that's it for today. Good one to start the week. Let's end it with 44-year-old Jessica Simpson making her big return to the music scene after 15 years.
Not sure it's gonna pan out, but who am I to kill dreams on St. Patrick's Day?
See you Wednesday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You ever slaughtered some terrorists at the turn? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.