It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag. Not gonna lie, I’m dragging a bit this morning. After three straight nights of college football games ending after midnight eastern, I’m sitting in my Atlanta studio trying to figure out if Tennessee really carried a trash can on the sideline for the entire game last night. I’m also trying to figure out how annoying driving all the way back to Nashville without a rear right window is going to be. Am I going to have to equalize the air pressure and drive with a dull roar for the next four hours? Am I even going to be able to do radio interviews at all?
So many questions here.
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For the Outkick VIP members, we had our first event in Atlanta on Friday night and I think everyone who came would tell you that despite the fact I was stuck in traffic and ended up over an hour late and despite the fact that my car got broken into and everything was stolen out of it, the event went really well.
So I’m looking forward to future events with you guys as well.
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Okay, here we go with the anonymous mailbag.
“Recently my step-dad received an email that has completely rocked his world. Names changed for privacy, the email in substance read:
My name is ‘Chris’ and I write to you for a deeply personal reason. Do you remember working for XYZ Corporation in Florida in 1988? And do you remember working with a woman there named ‘redacted’? Well, she’s my mom, and you’re my dad. I have seen pictures of you and have no doubt it’s true. I realize this could be very overwhelming to read, but I hope you will write back and we’ll start whatever there is to start from here.”
How does my step-dad’s coworker handle this? I did learn he hasn’t told his wife yet. Also, what percentage of men do you think live with a dread in the pit of their stomach at maybe receiving an email like that one day?”
The first question that has to be answered, asid efrom whether or not he ever slept with the woman in the first place, is this one — was he married or not in 1988 and is he still married to the same woman? If he was having an affair and has remained otherwise happily married, while never confessing anything about this affair, I totally ignore the email.
The kid is now past 18 so there are no legal responsibilities at all here.
But that’s the only way I ignore the email
So far this has to just be what the kid has been told by his or her mom, right? If it took the mom over 18 years to say anything at all, I’d think there must be another woman involved in some way. Otherwise I don’t understand the mom never saying anything at all. (It’s also possible, by the way, that she was married to someone else and that husband has finally died and she’s coming clean to her child.) My point is, there are many reasons why this story is suddenly coming out and I’d want to know what those are.
But before I decided to further any kind of relationship, I’d want to get an official DNA test to see whether it’s actually true.
I totally understand why someone might not want to engage at all with a long lost kid, but I think the decent behavior here is to at least see if this is your biological child. If it is, then you can take the next steps from there.
As for what percentage of men live in fear of something like this happening, it’s 100%.
Every man, on some level, fears that a random girl he’s slept with is going to end up having his kid.
“So I have a super weird predicament that I’ve been dealing with for basically this whole summer so far. Back in June, I won a good amount of money gambling on the NBA finals, so I decided to go out to one of the local strip clubs.
I was having a good night for a few hours just enjoying myself then one of the young ladies came up to me and sat on my lap. She was very attractive and just seemed different than most of the other girls at the club. She told me her name and we talked for a while then I proceeded to get a couple of lap dances to end the night.
She ended up giving me her phone number so I hit her up again at the club the next weekend. This went on for a few more weeks or so until July came around and we eventually started hooking up and going on dates and what not. Long story short, I have been dating her now for almost two months and basically I just would like to know if this is a bad idea or not. She doesn’t really dance anymore – maybe once every other week at the most because she has a different job now. We hangout all the time and get along great and there hasn’t really been any problems so far (that I know of). If I should be done with her, should I break it off as soon as possible so I don’t develop serious feelings for her or should I give it a little longer? How would you suggest going about this strange situation?”
Sometimes you just have to play the odds. What are the chances that a stripper meets a normal guy at a strip club, begins dating him, gives up stripping, gets married, and lives happily ever after without ever cheating on the guy she met at the strip club or banging a richer dude than him instead?
Basically zero, right?
I believe that a Stripper Cinderella story can exist, but I don’t think Stripper Cinderella meets her Prince Charming in the strip club, I think a guy meets her outside the strip club and never has any idea she’s ever worked in a strip club before.
Dating a girl you met in the strip club is fine, but don’t fall madly in love with her. Keep some distance between you. If she ever confronts you and says, “I feel like you’re intentionally creating distance between us,” do what every guy does — lie and tell her it’s all in her head.
Odds are she’s banging someone other than you right now too.
I don’t blame her, it’s just the way the game is played.
I asked my husband a serious “would you rather question” on Saturday after he watched an unfathomable amount of college football. I asked “Would you rather give up watching all sports, or would you rather give up sex for the rest of your life?” He briefly paused with a quizzical expression, and asked “Can i still get a hand job?” I laughed and said “No, let’s just say you have lost your ‘friend’, so no form of sexual activity would be possible.”
Without hesitation, he said he would give up sex.
Is this normal?!”
I love that your husband tried to keep sports and preserve hand jobs too. Total veteran married man move there, I think the naked hand job is one of the great underrated sex moves, the solid line drive single to left field of sex life, nothing flashy, just getting the job done, getting on base, making plays.
I think your answer depends on your age and marital status, to be honest.
For instance, if I had to give up sex for the entire college football season or watching college football, I’d choose giving up sex. That’s because I’ve already got three kids and been having sex with the same woman for 15 years. Sure, something totally without precedent could happen in our sex life, but I doubt it. Plus, how much time am I actually spending having sex for the entire fall? Figure a generous average of ten minutes per sexual encounter multiplied by an average of twice a week for 12 weeks and we’re talking four hours of total sex time during the entire fall. That’s like one CBS game. (And twice a week might be too high since it assumes my wife isn’t going to get mad at me for at least one or two of those weeks and refuse to sleep with me. FYI, I have never refused to sleep with my wife because I’m mad at her.)
So would I rather have four hours of sex or several hundred hours of college football?
No contest, I’m going college football.
Now if I were a single guy or in college I’d pick the sex because who knows what might happen, but as a married guy I’m picking the college football. (This is the saddest hypothetical answer of my life, by the way. And I bet there are a ton of married guys reading this right now who are agreeing with my decision here and also just sadly shaking their heads over this decision as well.)
“I’ve been in a relationship for about 2 and a half years with a girl I really love. We’re headed towards marriage and we go great together in almost every way, but we have a few interests that just don’t match.
It’s not that she “hates” football, but she simply doesn’t care about it. She watched the Super Bowl with me (we were both rooting for the Patriots), and she actually had a really good time watching the game once I explained the rules to her.
However, she’s not the type to get involved in sports and she has NO interest in sitting around for 3 hours watching grown men tackle each other and throw a ball around around the field. I’ve been a football fan all of my life, but it’s an interest we simply don’t share.
Seeing as that football consumes huge chunks of Saturdays & Sundays, what should I do about this? Never in a million years would I think about leaving her because of this disconnect of interest, but Football is a HUGE interest of mine.
I understand that marriage and relationships involve give & takes, but I don’t see this as ever being an interest that she shares with me.
What is your advice, Mr. MSESPN Slayer?”
Eventually you will be married and have kids and you won’t have any free time at all so the fact that you like doing different things won’t matter — you’ll both go to soccer games and birthday parties instead of the things you’d rather be doing.
If you doubt me, go to any Chuck E. Cheese’s in the country on a weekend, walk inside, and go look at the dead eyes of the parents throwing birthday parties there. Do these look like people who dreamed of one day spending an entire Saturday pushing tickets into the ticket muncher and dragging around screaming kids?
Of course not.
Yet eventually every parent ends up with the same hobby as the other parent — their kids.
More importantly, I get questions like these a ton, about couples who don’t share interests in the same things. Somewhere along the way the idea has gotten ingrained that you should enjoy doing everything with your significant other.
That’s just not true.
Couples should like different things. If you wanted someone who liked the exact same things as you, why wouldn’t you just marry your best guy friend? That way you’d always have someone to watch football with, but you’d also have to bang or be banged by a dude.
We like our partners because of the differences they have with us, not the similarities.
“I recently graduated and have entered the work field. I accepted a well paying job and moved to a new SEC college town where I know not a single person. All of my coworkers are married and 10+ years older than me. I am only 23 years old and have always been the going out type. This town is filled with some cool bars and a nice downtown area. I have considered going out to the bar alone for a few weeks now but I have not been able to make myself do it. What is your opinion on going out to the bar by yourself?”
I’d ease into going out on the bar scene by yourself by going to watch football games with your local alumni group. It’s perfectly acceptable to roll out to a sports bar by yourself to watch your favorite team play. Especially if you just moved to a new town.
So that’s the first move I’d make, look up your local alumni group if you’re a college grad and use this as a way to meet people. Watching your team play will lead to some opportunities to go out with people after the game and if you’re not a psycho serial killer it will eventually lead to invites for non-football related activities.
As a general rule, the older you get the more difficult it becomes to make good friends. That’s because when you’re in high school, college or grad school there are no work considerations that impact who you become friends with. I feel like the friends I made from kindergarten to 25 were totally authentic, there was no subterfuge involved.
Once you’re an adult, motivations change and become more difficult to figure out.
So good luck with that.
In terms of just going to a bar solo, I’ve never done it unless it was to eat in a bar/restaurant or it was the hotel bar. I know lots of people who have done it, but it’s not for me. Hell, I don’t even like to get to a bar or restaurant to wait for someone.
Although, to be honest, so much of socialization today is spent on our phones that going to a bar with someone almost defeats the purpose. Either way, if you’re with someone or not, you’re probably going to be both be typing on your phones and reading things the entire time you’re together.
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I’m headed back to Nashville now in a car without a window.
But at least our gambling picks went 12-3 and the Vols got a win.
OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.
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