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Tom Brady is here to save the aviation industry. So for those who like to slack off during the pre-flight tutorial on how to properly buckle up, you better start paying attention.
Brady, the seven-time Super Bowl champion who retired for the second time earlier this year, will begin his first non-NFL season pushing beverage carts up and down the aisle for Delta Airlines.
Anything to drink? We have coke products, water, coffee and premium liquors for $9.
“Delta’s people are driven by their commitment to world-class performance, excellence and a desire to achieve best-in-class results,” Delta CEO Ed Bastian said in a statement earlier today. “Bringing a leader like Tom onto the Delta team furthers our mission to connect the world while accelerating our drive to continuously improve for our colleagues, customers and communities.”
Welcome aboard Delta Flight 12, I’m your flight attendant, Tom Brady
Well, whoever had Tom Brady-to-Delta on their 2023 Bingo card, you win. Shut it down. You’re the undisputed champion of the year and it’s only September.
What a twist! The airline industry STINKS right now — literally. Some passenger just crapped their pants and forced an entire airliner to turn around because of the mess.
You think Tom Brady is gonna put up with that nonsense? No chance. Did you see Brady with a tablet on the sidelines last season? How do you think he’s gonna react to some of the stuff that goes on in the aviation industry?
Fights, yelling, screaming, pooping pants and the occasional “near miss” on the JFK runway? Not anymore. There’s a new sheriff in town, and he’s a seven-time Super Bowl champion.
For those who don’t know, Brady’s mom was a flight attendant. Our guy has plenty of experience on a 747, including two decades flying Bob Kraft’s jet all around the country.
“I am grateful to be joining the Delta family, a company I have loved and respected for years,” Brady said in the same press release. “Growing up with a mother as a flight attendant, I have always admired the people that make seamless air transportation possible. Throughout my career, my teammates and I flew Delta countless times, spending hours traveling for some of the most important games of our lives, even celebrating Super Bowl wins on the plane.
“Those championship teams were built off of great leadership and a commitment to excellence, and Delta certainly shares those qualities. Now, alongside Ed and the Delta team, I look forward to playing my part to continue the company’s success.”
Brady’s official title with Delta is Strategic Advisor, which basically means cleaning things the hell up. Here’s the official job title from Delta’s release:
The partnership will integrate Brady’s spirit of winning and passion for inspiring people to be the best version of themselves with Delta’s goal of connecting people to their greatest potential. Work will target the following key areas:
- Employees: Brady will partner with Delta to develop and advise on strategic training and teamwork tools for the airline’s more than 90,000 employees.
- Customers: Leaning into Delta’s “Keep Climbing” ethos, Brady will support the company’s brand identity in select elements of Delta’s marketing and customer engagement.
- Communities: Brady will support Delta’s work to positively impact communities where employees live and work, inspiring the next generation of Delta community leaders.
Head on swivel, folks. Tom Brady is about to save the aviation industry in the twist of the century. Buckle up and don’t you dare get up while that seatbelt sign is on.