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Y’all, we have made it to one of my favorite weeks of the year.
I have painted my nails obnoxiously green. There’s a fresh sixer of Guinness in the fridge and corned beef in the Instant Pot. It’s Saint Paddy’s Week, baby! And this year, everyone’s favorite drinking holiday falls on a Friday.
This is what we’ve been training for, you guys.
I’m really not sure where my love of St. Patrick’s Day started. But it probably had a lot to do with the fact that I went to an Irish Catholic high school. We got March 17 off every year so that we could attend the parade in downtown Indianapolis.
But that’s not all we have going on this week. NFL Free Agency is heating up, spring is in the air and there’s nonstop tournament hoops on TV.
As a Tennessee fan, I know my March Madness will soon turn to Sadness as it does every year. But if you look really closely, you’ll see the glimmer of hope in my eyes right before my heart is shattered all over the basketball court. And I think that’s really beautiful.
Oh yeah, Nightcaps!
Pop open a green beer or pour yourself a hefty shot of Jameson (’tis the season), and let’s get into it.
We do March Madness a little differently here at OutKick.
Sure, we like college basketball, too. But as your antidote to mainstream sports media, we’ve cooked up a little off-the-court competition of our own: The Woke All-Star Challenge.
If you haven’t been following us the past couple years, let me get you up to speed. We need to determine which woke has out woke’d the competition and has won a spot on the Mount Rushmore of Woke along with past champions Jemele Hill & Keith Olbermann.
And unlike USA Powerlifting, we believe in fairness. So Hill and Olbermann (as juggernauts in their field), are not included in this year’s competition.
The Play-In Round is happening right now, so click the link below and make your voice heard!
Now, onto some hard news.
The lady who went viral over $3 cheese was faking it.
Over the weekend, New York City resident Dafna Diamant took to TikTok to vent about a first date, telling the camera that she paid the bill and walked out after her date allegedly complained about the $3 upcharge for adding cheese to his burger.
“I texted him, ‘The check is taken care of, you should have gotten the cheese,'” Diamant said in the video. “And I blocked him.”
The video exploded, and most people bashed the woman for being completely unreasonable and possibly batsh-t crazy.
Take a look:
Well, turns out the whole story was completely fabricated. She was, in fact, on a date, but it was a man at another table who asked about the price of cheese. The interaction sparked a conversation between her and her man friend about what each of them would do in that situation.
“If I’m sitting on a date with a person and I feel like he’s cheaping out on something that will make his meal more enjoyable, he’s going to keep cheaping out on the rest of our dates,” Diamant told NBC News. “It’s not about the cheese. It’s about going to a restaurant and enjoying a good time with your date.”
So she made the whole thing up just for some views on TikTok. Unreal!
I’m starting to think not everything I see on the Internet is true.
But guys, just in case you do run into a date like Dafna, here’s a quick boot camp on how to keep her happy.
Diplo is not not gay.
Fellas, if a tree falls in the forest and another dude gives you oral sex, but you aren’t there to make eye contact, does it make a sound?
Diplo — a famous DJ and music producer — went on Emily Ratajkowski’s HighLow Podcast yesterday to discuss getting older, his relationship to the Internet and his sexuality. Ratajkowski touts him as “the first cis white male I have had on the podcast,” so you know it’s not going to be bizarre or woke at all.
But Diplo made a comment that confused even EmRat: “I’m sure I’ve gotten a blowjob from a guy before. For sure. 100 percent, yeah.”
Buddy, you either have or you haven’t. Not really sure where the gray area is here. But Diplo says it wasn’t gay because — and I’m totally serious here — he didn’t make eye contact.
And the Internet did what the Internet does.
Ratajkowski — who has outright said that she “doesn’t believe in straight people” — pushed him a little more on the issue.
“I think the best answer I have is I’m not not gay,” Diplo said. “There are a couple guys I could date, life partner-wise.”
He ultimately said he’s more of a “vibe guy” over a “gender guy.”
A Tennessee town is looking for a new top cop.
Recently rattled by the raunchy Maegan Hall sex scandal, Lavergne, Tenn., is looking for a new police chief. Turns out, they fired the ex-chief, Burrell “Chip” Davis, after it was revealed that he knew about his officers’ sexcapades all along.
Hall, a married 26-year-old police officer in a suburb of Nashville, had sexual encounters with six other cops, including an ongoing affair with a sergeant and a threesome with another cop and his wife.
But Hall said it was OK because she didn’t make eye contact.
I’m just kidding, she didn’t say that.
Anyway, Chief Davis not only knew about the trysts. But an investigation revealed he also joked about them and shared explicit images of Hall on a secret burner phone he named “Ole Boy.”
I wonder if this video was on the burner phone.
So if you’re a police officer looking to make the move to Middle Tennessee, get that application in now!
Red Tide is ruining Spring Break.
We now leave my home state of Tennessee to talk about my other favorite state — Florida. Now I know my colleague, Zach Dean, is the resident expert on Florida, but you’re stuck with me today.
Red tide is a higher-than-normal concentration of a naturally occurring, microscopic algae called Karenia brevis in the water. But in non-scientific terms, it’s an absolute buzzkill.
I hate Crimson Tides for other reasons, but it’s actually a pretty nasty thing.
Normally, red tide doesn’t happen until late summer or early fall. But this year, it’s hitting the Gulf Coast in its busiest season: Spring Break.
Red tide is ugly and smells like a Wuhan fish market. But worse, it produces toxins that can kill marine animals and be harmful to humans.
Still — I know at least one guy who will be chugging Coronas on the sandbar.
But hasn’t Florida been through enough? The state suffered massive hurricane damage last year, Tua Tagovailoa got three concussions, and massive snakes are forming a python army headed due north from the Everglades.
Also, Floridians have to worry about this.
I’m gonna still go ahead and book my trip there in July, though.
Happy Pi Day!
That’s right — It’s 3.14 (159265359…)!
I know what you’re thinking: “I was told there would be no math.”
And trust me, I’m with you. In college, I took what they call “sports math.” That’s just the basic statistics course I was required to take for my journalism major.
Because if there’s anything I love more than not doing math, it’s not doing math while also eating a delicious dessert.
So we have reached our Nightcaps question of the day: What is the elite pie?
For me, it’s a no-brainer. There is nothing like a digging into a fresh slice of homemade key lime pie while watching a sunset on the beach and drinking my weight in rum.
Red tide be damned.
So head on over to my Twitter page and vote on your favorite kind of pie. (And perverts, don’t even think about it. I have anticipated your joke, and my mute button is ready.)
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.