The Training Camp 'Lies' Have Begun Right On Schedule
It's the only time of year all 32 fanbases can say they're undefeated.
This might sound like sacrilege as a football fan, but one of my favorite times on the pigskin calendar is before the season even starts.
It's a magical time of year when (almost) every fanbase has hope for their team; all the goals for the season are in front of them.
With this unfettered optimism, though, comes a phenomenon I like to refer to as "camp lies."
This occurs when a simple practice clip emerges from the first couple days of fall camp, be it a one-handed catch while not wearing pads or a 50-yard pass during "routes on air," that causes fans to make baseless claims that they are "back."
With training camp beginning in earnest for all 32 NFL franchises earlier this week, we have already had plenty of fans (myself included) riding the hype train at breakneck speeds out of the station.
Let's take a look at some of the best training camp clips the internet has to offer, complete with over-hyped fans and hopelessly optimistic fantasy owners.
Too Fast For His Own Good
Whoa, Hot Wheels, slow it down there!
Serial number changer Abdul Carter is expected to make plenty of waves as a rookie pass rush sensation, but his training camp is off to a rather inauspicious start.
Don't tell Giants fans that, as this clip (to them, anyway) is clearly an omen, a la Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez busting the guts out of a baseball.
To me, it kind of looks like a rookie who had a little trouble tying his shoes and then struggled with a bag drill, but I'm no expert.
The 'Boys Are Back
Cowboys are back! Dak is the man! Them 'Boys are winning the Super Bowl! Book it!
For a franchise that has the postseason success the Cowboys have had in the past 30 years (none), they sure do get excited about the most mundane of things.
Like this one-handed grab by new weapon George Pickens while running routes on air in shorts.
I'm pretty sure I've made this same catch about a dozen times in high school while tossing the ball around in the backyard with my buddies, so hey, maybe I'm Super Bowl bound too!
Fantasy Owners Rejoice!
This one is one of my favorites, because it didn't even involve video of actual football being played.
That sound you hear at the conclusion of this clip was fantasy owners all over America being sucked back into the black hole that is the Kyle Pitts Hype Train.
And you can count me as one of those sucker fantasy owners!
It's truly incredible how pavlovian we as football fans can be.
All we need is someone to tell us that Kyle Pitts is going to get a ton of targets this year, and like trained lab rats, we click that button that dispenses the cheese.
Except the button says "draft" and the cheese is a 6'6" tight end.
Fins Up
As a Dolphins fan, this one hits close to home.
If you're looking at one of those circular flow charts, we are at the "this team looks unstoppable in training camp" juncture.
Coming up next is the "start 3-0 and get your fans fully bought in" point in the season.
After that, you will reach the "Tua sustains a life-threatening injury while the defense looks like wet toilet paper and Tyreek retired to become a porn star," portion of the flow chart.
Then, finally and perhaps mercifully, you'll hit a point called "bring up the 1972 Dolphins in every online argument you find yourself in," before starting the flow chart back at the top next season.
Football is back! Let's have a great season, everyone!