Shohei Ohtani Hit A Fake Home Run In Japan Because Doubles Don't Pay The Bills

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Shohei Ohtani predictably cranked out his first homer of 2025 Wednesday morning (afternoon? night?) In Japan, belting one high and deep to the right field bleachers as the hometown crowd erupted. 

It was a great moment for baseball. Great way to start the season. Great way to carry momentum into a new year for the game. 

It was also … a double. 

So, you know, there's that. Semantics, I know. But still, a double. 

Here, take a look for yourselves if you think I'm being a Shohei hater! Do you think THIS was a home run? Maybe in Japan, but certainly not in the US of A:

Shohei Ohtani cranks out a solid double

Yeah, I'm gonna go with double off the wall, and a solid fan ejection to boot. That's the correct call. Would have been in the Hudson River at Yankee Stadium, but here? That's a ball off the wall. 

Here's the play from start to finish, courtesy of Joe Davis (who should be on the Fox call, but he's also the Dodgers play-by-play guy, so I guess he chose them over us. Sad):

See? Even Joe thinks it's a double off the wall. Everyone did. Except the umps, who clearly got the call from Robby Manfred to quickly twirl their fingers in the air before anyone noticed. 

And they did! Poof. Just like that. Home run No. 1 on the season for Shohei Ohtani. Glad they gave him this one, too, because the poor guy struggles to hit tanks. He only hit 104 last year. He needs all the help he can get!

And by the way, I love Shohei. The guy is must-see TV. Why the hell else do you think I'm up at 6 a.m. watching Cubs-Dodgers game in Japan? I ain't doing it for Dansby Swanson. No offense to Dansby, by the way. Great moss. 

So I get why the umps ruled this bad boy a home run. I get what they stuck with it after the review. Doubles don't pay the bills. Doubles don't go viral. 

Moonshots in Japan by the biggest star in the world go viral. So, it's a home run. That's how the game works, boys and girls. 

It's Shohei's world, and we're all just living in. 

Now, let's go have a great 2025 season. Rough start, though. 

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Zach grew up in Florida, lives in Florida, and will never leave Florida ... for obvious reasons. He's a reigning fantasy football league champion, knows everything there is to know about NASCAR, and once passed out (briefly!) during a lap around Daytona. He swears they were going 200 mph even though they clearly were not.