NASCAR's Next Danica Patrick Declares Her Intentions In A Red Flag Bikini, Race Wives In Cabo & Playoff Rumors

This is where we grind, boys and girls. Week 1 of the NASCAR offseason? Easy. Last week was a cakewalk. We had the WAGs on the red carpet, and they made life a breeze. 

But Week 2? This is where you separate the contenders from the pretenders. While the rest of the insufferably woke NASCAR media cries about Trump on their vacation, I'm here working my TAIL off because, as Larry Mac says, the Daytona 500 ain't far off, and we've got things to DO. 

So, let's work. Let's grind. Let's be patriots.

What are we possibly gonna talk about today, you ask? How about the next Danica Patrick finding herself on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit in a red flag bikini that'll knock your socks off? Sound good? Good! Welcome to the show, Toni Breidinger. 

I've also got McCall Gaulding enjoying some solid vacation time with Zane Smith, Kyle Larson getting punted into next week, the new NASCAR TV schedule is OUT and Denny Hamlin finally spoke about Phoenix. 

Whew. Enjoy vacation, wokes. We're WORKING today. Offseason my ass. 

Four tires, enough Sunoco racin' fuel to get us through this week and to Thanksgiving, and maybe some sunscreen for McCall … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘Swimsuits and Hangin’ Loose' edition – is LIVE!

NASCAR appears to be learning!

A lot of hot girls to get to, but we have to give you a reason to stick around today — so, we're gonna start class with a little schedule talk! 

Because nothing fires up the folks like a good, solid, NASCAR schedule release. 

Ratings for the 2025 season were down 14%, roughly. I'm not surprised by that, and readers of this weekly column shouldn't be, either. I called it months ago. I smelled it brewing. Fox and FS1 started the year strong, but the move to Prime started a pretty epic second-half collapse. 

There were a couple issues this year. 

No. 1? 70% of the races were on cable or streaming. There were only a handful of events on Fox, and only THREE of your 10 playoff races were on NBC. Not good. 

No. 2? Night races, specifically on a Saturday night. They don't work. Hardcore fans love them. Casual fans do not. I still contend that NASCAR moving the Bristol fall race to a September Saturday night was/is among the dumber decisions this sport has made. 

Anyway, we've got dates, times and the TV schedule all set for next season. Let's see how much they listened!

Denny finally speaks!

Some quickies (hey now!) on a Monday morning in November … 

1. Only nine races on network TV in 2026. Again, it doesn't really hurt too much in the spring because there is nothing else on TV in March and April. But there is ONE network TV race from May 3 to Oct. 18. One. 

2. All-Star race starts at 3 p.m. now. For those that want to watch Indy 500 pole qualifying, you're now in luck! I could give a shit less. 

3. Watkins Glen in May is still wild to see. Don't quite get that one. It may snow. 

4. Chicagoland returns as a Sunday night race the day after Fourth of July. Don't hate it. 

5. All Sunday night races for most of July. 

6. Southern 500 starts an hour earlier. Smart. 

7. Three Saturday night races all season (Richmond in August, Firecracker 400 and Bristol in September). One of those will do well in the ratings. Figure out which one. 

The TV schedule still bugs me, but I don't hate what NASCAR is doing here. Slowly but surely, they're learning. Slowly. 

Denny, thoughts? Lord knows you have thoughts. Finally, after three weeks, you're able to put them all together for us! 

McCall, Toni & Kyle, oh my!

Some pretty decent reveals there from Denny. 

• He's not retiring, although he was going to had he won. That's not shocking. Denny reportedly signed a contract extension through 2027 last summer, so I'd expect that to be his final season. Unless, of course, he wins a title next year.
• You're not getting a 36-race format again, folks. Stop. Ain't happening. You're getting a playoff format. Good. It will be tweaked. GOOD. It will, hopefully, not be a one-race championship. GOOOOOOOOD.
• Denny calling most of the Cup garage "mediocre" is the good stuff.
• Denny not realizing he had lost until a full lap INTO overtime was tough. Yikes. I probably would've wept in the cockpit of my car, too.

OK, let's get to the girls and get on outta here. It's the offseason, after all. 

Well, first … we have to do SOME racing, right? Kyle Larson, how's YOUR offseason?!

The sarcastic clap/double thumbs up combo from Kyle during a random weekend race in Placervile, California? Sign me up, baby! That's the good stuff. 

Next? Kyle's racing this offseason. Zane Smith and McCall Gaulding are NOT racing this offseason:

We've got our first #CaboTrip of the NASCAR offseason! Looks like Zane Smith, McCall, the Gillilands, Noah Gragson and Riley Herbst went for a few days last week, and, of course, dominated. 

Couple Nooners on the boat with McCall and Marissa? Sure. Why the hell not?!

OK, that's it for today. Week No. 2 in the books. Toni Breidinger is the closest thing this sport has come to Danica Patrick in a long time, both on and off the track. 

The Truck Series star can go ahead and check "Sports Illustrated shoot" off her bucket list, too. Not a bad way to start an offseason. 

Take us home, Larry Mac.