Filthy Libs Attack Danica Patrick Over Her Patriotism, NASCAR Commish Publicly Spanked & MJ's Wild Casino Bill

Whew. It's OVER! Our long, national nightmare is over. The NASCAR trial is finished. Kaput. Donezo. Settled. 

Now, the sport can get back to doing what it does best – pissing fans off with the on-the-track product! Only two more months, baby! Actually. EXACTLY two months! 

That's right. Two months from today – right now – it'll be Daytona 500 day. Seems like Denny was just sobbing in his car at Phoenix, and now we're within arms-reach of Daytona. The fastest offseason in all of sports never disappoints. It'll be over in the blink of an eye. 

In the meantime, we'll dive into the final few days of NASCAR's losing battle in court with Denny Hamlin and Michael Jordan. MJ, by the way, gave an all-time quote this week that I may end up framing and putting in my man cave. What a legend. 

What else? I've got Steve Phelps saying something so dumb, it got visible eyerolls and groans from drivers in the courtroom (seriously), Alex Bowman is engaged (welcome back to class, Chloe Henderson!), and Danica Patrick fights off nasty attacks from the haters as she heads back to her political roots. 

How's THAT for a Dec. 15 starting grid? It's why we win awards, boys and girls. 

Four tires, some of that Sunoco racing fuel, and maybe a quick trip down Next Gen memory lane for Steve Phelps … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘It’s Dec. 15 And I'm Running Out Of Things To Talk About But That's Why They Pay Me A Slightly Above Average Wage' edition – is LIVE!

NASCAR, MJ & Denny settle 

I've steered clear of the Xs and Os of this court battle all offseason, so I'm not going to start digging in now. I just don't care. I LOVED the juicy drama that came from it – mainly the pathetic texts from Steve Phelps and Steve O'Donnell – but nothing else really moved my needle. 

That being said, it does appear Michael Jordan, Denny Hamlin, 23XI and Front Row really went to bat for all the garage … and won. The two sides settled late last week, and here are the main bullet points, best I can tell:

• The biggest change: all 36 NASCAR Cup Series charters will now be "evergreen"/permanent, giving teams long-term stability rather than time-limited agreements.
• 23XI Racing and Front Row had their charters restored for the 2026 season after losing them during the lawsuit.

The main goal of this whole thing was permanent charters, which will certainly shift how NASCAR governs and how money is dispersed. That was the whole crux of this thing, right? NASCAR's monopoly? 

It's gone, at least on paper. We'll see how this all plays out moving forward. 

Anyway, the settlement came one day after Bass Pro Shops LEGEND Johnny Morris bent NASCAR over and spanked the everloving shit out of them, and I'm gonna go ahead and say that was NOT a coincidence:

What a line here from Steve Phelps

As I write this today, way too many of my fellow teammates, our valued customers, our independent dealers and respected members of the conservation and military communities… are outraged by how Richard and his family have been treated by some senior NASCAR leaders.

We are extremely upset by the recent disclosure of shockingly offensive and false criticisms of Richard by the Commissioner of NASCAR Steve Phelps. For the Commissioner and his allies, to attack one of the pillars of the sport is incredibly irresponsible and a disservice to everyone involved in NASCAR and its partners, sponsors and fans.

The commissioner has repeatedly labeled Richard as "an idiot," a "dinosaur," "a stupid redneck" and a "clown." The fact is Richard Childress has done as much to build and promote NASCAR as anyone in the history of the sport! The commissioner, in all his rant, has only managed to bring discredit to himself and the sport.

We can’t help but wonder what would happen if Major League Baseball brought in a new commissioner and he or she trash talked one of the true legends who built the game like Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Ted Williams, Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth? Such blatant disrespect would probably not sit well with the fans – such a commissioner most likely wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, keep his or her job for very long!

Yeah, buddy … when you read THAT from FOUNDER and CEO of Bass Pro – one of your biggest sponsors – you're gonna settle REAL quick. 

That statement set off five alarm fires back at NASCAR HQ, and it was over. When Johnny speaks, you listen. Bass Pro is probably worth, what? $5-6 billion? I'm just spit-balling. They're a sponsor of Austin Dillon and RCR. And Chase Briscoe. Before that, they were famously with Martin Truex Jr. As you just saw, they used to be on someone named Dale Earnhardt's car. 

I mean, come on. When you have the founder of Bass Pro calling for your head, your WOKE tune is gonna to change, real quick. And Steve's did. 

Not before he managed to spit out one more bit of nonsense on the way out, though!

MJ, Alex & Danica, oh my!

Yeah, I mean, come ON, Steve! Dude. What are we doing here? We're just saying things now? In COURT? Everybody and their mother is getting concussed nowadays! Kurt Busch never raced AGAIN. Alex Bowman missed multiple races. Erik Jones BROKE HIS BACK at Texas!

And look, it's all fine. I get it. It's racing. It's a dangerous sport. A lot of folks would argue that it's not dangerous enough anymore, and that's why they stopped watching. Believe me, my dad is one of them. 

But to sit there and say it's the safest car in motorsports, after the last few years, was laughable. 

OK, couple quickies on the way out. First? How about THIS alleged line from Michael Jordan when he was contemplating buying into NASCAR?

"I have lost that in a casino. Let's do it."

My God. He's the best. MJ just pissing away $40 million to get into NASCAR, only to then be forced to go to COURT against NASCAR, is elite stuff. 

Mount Rushmore of Michael Jordan quotes?

1. "Republicans buy sneakers, too."

2. "I have lost that in a casino. Let's do it."

3. "I'm back."

4. "I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

What a turn this class has taken! Didn't see myself coming through MJ quotes on Dec. 15, but that's the NASCAR offseason for you. 

Two more on the way out. The WOKES are after Danica Patrick!

Danica is going back to where it all started a few years back this weekend. Remember, she got red-pilled way back in 2023 at Charlie Kirk's America Fest event. What red-pilled her? 

People on social media got PISSED that she posted a picture of herself wearing patriotic colors. Seriously. 

That's what started it all. She spent all last year campaigning for Trump, and this year she's made multiple trips to Washington DC. 

That's our girl! NASCAR fans may have despised Danica when she raced, but boy, do they love her now. What a career arc!

OK, that's it for today. We're one week closer. Congrats to Alex Bowman and Chloe Henderson. Smart move by Alex locking this one up. 

Take us home you two! (and Larry Mac).