President Biden Falls, Curt Schilling Podcasts, McDonald's Shamrock Shakes, Gymnastics And More
Alright, let’s start Nightcaps! off on the right foot. And don’t get it twisted, by foot, I mean the appendage that stinks. And I mean STANKS!
Stay with me. I’m penning (alright, typing) this column as a combined effort to hopefully make you, the reader, laugh a little while also giving my nostrils the obituary they so deserve.
Here come the feet again.
Last night I took my daughter to gymnastics practice. An hour and 15 minutes of expensive cartwheels, no internet, and the unforgettable stench of feet.
Anyone with kids, siblings or wannabe Olympians knows what I’m talking about. You walk into any gymnastics center across the country and there’s one commonality: enough foot soldiers to scare off all four ninja turtles at once.
Listen, I get that it’s a shoeless sport. But after all these years, hasn’t anyone figured out how to combat that smell?
Ooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooh that smell
(Skynyrd fans unite!)
Would a pair of socks prevent anyone from becoming the next Kerri Strug?
Once I was back home, I poured through the waiver form needed for my daughter’s participation and nowhere did it say that my nostrils would die a slow death. But sure enough, here we are, my nose now feeling the way Artie Lange’s looks.
I’ve included a couple pics of the murder scene, but I’ll leave the name of the foot factory out. The coaches do a great job and having been in more than one of these “institutes,” I can confidently state that they all smell like the locker of every overweight nerd from an ‘80s movie.
Here lies a bunch of mats anxiously awaiting some feet.
No shoes needed, leave em by the door (along with snow from the parking lot).
Gymnastics parents know this scene - and this smell.
So, RIP my nose. What a wild and ripe ride it was.
*If you’ve had a similar experience at gymnastics or another of your kids’ practices/events? Tell me about on Twitter: @OhioAF or email: anthony.farris@outkick.com
What I'm Drinking This Week (Don't Mind If I Do, McDonald's)
To some, this week is about Mardi Gras and Fat Tuesday. For others, it's Lent, when those of us who are Catholic share the opinion that refraining from meat on Fridays absolves us of all our sins. For me, it's Shamrock Shake time. Damn right.
McDonald's Shamrock Shakes are back for the 53rd year. Why bother with a busted McFlurry machine when you can taste the goodness of a mint flavored shake? Mickey D's hasn't given an official end date for the shakes, but they're generally around for about 4-5 weeks.
Truth be told, I prefer the '80s and '90s version of the shake to today's blend. Sign me up for the paper cup, hold the whipped cream and cherries and beef up the calories. That's more my style. But the present day shake is still worth the buy in-season.
I hope you'll all be partaking. And when you do, email or tweet me. In other words, #ShowMeYourShamrocks (ladies, preferably).
Shakes aside, this girls hoops game provided us with a tasty topic to discuss. Are we for or against the "hidden player" tactic here?
Ric Flair Knows A Thing Or Two About Sneak Attacks
Oh, and speaking of attacks, this octopus went straight alpha.
Final score: Octopus 1 - Fish 0
Another one-sided affair went down on this football field. My man on the JV needs to pound some Shamrock Shakes and come back bigger and stronger next spring.
Curt Schilling And I Are Teammates
Yeah, that's right. Step aside David Ortiz, Randy Johnson, Johnny Damon and all you other ex-MLBers. Curt Schilling and I are essentially sharing a cubicle as fellow OutKickers. Well, a remote cubicle, but you get it.
Starting this Friday, February 24th, the former World Series champion will host “The Curt Schilling Baseball Show” on OutKick. The podcast (which will be available with video, too) will air new episodes every Tuesday and Friday during MLB Spring Training and continue throughout the 2023 MLB season.
When you listen twice weekly (and I know you will), don't forget that he and I are teammates, OR, that he once played for the Orioles.
Maybe Curt and I will talk about MLB's new pitch clock. On second thought, I should ask him about the bloody sock game. I bet that never comes up in conversation.
Air Force Baseball Knows How To Start A Season
NCAA baseball began it's season last week and no one did Opening Day better than Air Force. In lieu of traditional first pitches or standard introductions, the Falcons commenced their season by having members of Air Force Academy’s Wings of Blue parachute onto the field.
I spoke with Nick Cicere from Air Force baseball's media relations department and he told me the Wings of Blue dropped in via parachute for two of the academy's first three games. Sketchy weather prevented a trifecta.
This was done ahead of the season opener versus Army at the Liberty Classic in Cleburne, TX. Per Cicere: the unique entrance was done in part "to honor former Air Force baseball player Nick Duran, who died in a flying accident in June of 2021 in his hometown. He would have been a senior this year. As well, the whole weekend was a dedication to those who serve, whether that be military, first responders, teachers, coaches, police officers, firefighters, etc."
Awesome stuff.
Visiting The Jersey (Are You) Sure?
As a dedicated #nightcaps reader, you know by now that I pine for a glimpse of obscure sports jerseys. And if said jersey just so happens to be in an obscure place too, well, that's the double whammy of all double whammys. With that, feast your eyes on these gems.
I know you have to squint a little, but yes, that's a Patrick Ewing Orlando Magic jersey! For those who may have forgot, Ewing spent the final season of his NBA career in the Magic City (2001-02), averaging 6 points per game.
And that's DeJuan Blair who played 424 mostly unremarkable NBA games from 2009-2016. I'm willing to bet that even his own family doesn't own Blair Wizards jerseys.
If you're out and about and come across this type of jersey porn, please send it my way.
Oh, and my man is spot-on about everybody's favorite dunk champ...
Tell me anything and everything there is to know about our mullet'd friend here. More importantly, get this man on scholarship.
President Joe Biden Takes A Spill
Nothing to see here, just President Biden (again) falling up the steps. Say what you want about JB, but he's consistent!
And there's a damn good chance this wasn't his first public fall of the week.
At least POTUS isn't the only one who needs help getting up after a fall.
Those who were filming him better be careful. If their employer catches on, they may soon be forced to attend sensitivity training like these Boston radio employees who are doing so "to redouble our efforts to create a culture of understanding.”
Dumb.
Let's Drink!
Ok, apparently it's National Margarita Day so I better get out of here and get my drink on. But first and foremost, happy holidays to those who celebrate. Let's do this (and Margaritas) again next week. Shall we?
Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF
*OutKick’s Nightcaps is a daily column that runs weekdays around 4pm EST.