Pat Mahomes And Tony Romo Are Insufferable, Stephanie Niles Officially Takes Over Cincy & Dylan Mulvaney As Penn State Cheerleader
Hey ... you made it through another weekend and to another Monday. Congrats! I'm sure we're all battling demons today, so I appreciate everyone showing up to class on time. Whether you're hungover from the beer or from listening to Tony Romo and watching Patrick Mahomes yesterday, just know that I get it and I appreciate your time.
I actually fall into all three above categories -- beer, Tony Romo and crybaby Patrick Mahomes -- so imagine the inner-battles I've been dealing with all day. And I can't even take tonight off because the Dolphins play.
It's gonna be A WEEK, boys and girls. Buckle up.
Anyway, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps -- where we all just try to ease into a new week but quickly get slapped in the face with the reality that Christmas is exactly two weeks away. True story.
Two weeks. Unreal. I haven't bought one and I mean not ONE present for anyone yet. Still plenty of time to hit the Sears down the road. No worries!
Yes, we're gonna talk about Patrick Mahomes officially becoming hateable and Tony Romo continuing to be hateable today. I can't stand either anymore. Seriously, they're the worst.
We'll check back in with Jake Browning and Stephanie Niles today because I'm thinking it's time to put Joe Burrow on the damn trade block at this point. We have a new ruler of the jungle, boys and girls. It's official.
What else? Dylan Mulvaney was at Penn State over the weekend and dressed up as a cheerleader. Feel like that's worth a deeper dive for obvious reasons. We'll also start the week by emptying the mailbox, because it's overflowing right now and the neighbors are giving us some nasty looks.
Stupid HOA.
Grab a drink and pay attention, because we're gonna move fast and furious today. I have a Dolphins game to get ready for, you know.
Class is in session.
Who was worse yesterday -- Patrick Mahomes or Tony Romo?
I mean, it's such a tough question, because both were just beyond awful.
We'll start with Mahomes, because he's become a bitch. There. I said it. I don't like to throw that word around a lot and in such a loosey-goosey manner, but there really is no other way to describe him.
The Chiefs have become so unlikeable this season. Honestly, the only person left that I do like is Andy Reid, and even he's on thin ice (which is risky for Big Red).
Any quarterback who does this after a game is an automatic loser in my book:
He's insufferable. Jackson Mahomes will forever be the worst of the Mahomes empire, but Pat is quickly moving up the ranks. I mean, he's got me DEFENDING JOSH ALLEN.
Hey, Pat -- maybe score more than 17 points against a defense that's literally playing all second-stringers right now because everyone's hurt.
Hey Pat -- maybe grow some nuts and move the ball 10 yards after that correct call so your team can get into field goal range.
Hey Pat -- maybe don't throw your 11th pick of the season three minutes into the game?
I'm out on Patrick Mahomes. Done.
I've been out on Tony Romo, and yesterday was just further vindication that I was 100% right on bailing on him months ago.
Tony Romo sucks. He's awful. He's a cheerleader for Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills, won't ever shut the hell up, and, frankly, isn't even that good anymore.
Good analysis here, dummy:
And here:
And here:
And especially here:
Stephanie Niles and Jake Browning are officially elite NFL talents
"They beat em." So smug. Such an idiot. Glad he's on the call for Dolphins-Jets next week! Can't wait.
Now, let's head to Cincinnati and check in with a couple NFL people that don't annoy the bejesus out of me: Jake Browning and Stephanie Niles.
I don't usually like to double up on people here at Nightcaps, which is what I'm doing today with Stephanie and Jake because they also joined us during Friday's class.
But fair is fair and content is content, and I can't let a weekend of Jake Browning dominating on the field and Stephanie becoming a top tier WAG off of it go by without saying anything.
It's not fair to you and it's not fair to them.
DK loves his current situation, sad Lee Corso & Dylan Mulvaney as a Penn State cheerleader
We are always pro-Stephanie Niles here at Nightcaps! Don't you forget it.
OK, let's put a bow on the weekend with the best of the rest.
First up? Let's check in with DK Metcalf, who seemingly loves new QB Drew Locke!
Tough few weeks for DK Metcalf and the Seahawks. They've lost a billion in a row, they ain't making the playoffs and Drew Locke threw a pair of picks yesterday, which is the same amount of receptions DK had all day.
And now you have long-snappers trolling you in sign language. In sign language! What a league.
Now, let's travel a bit further back in time to Saturday, where Lee Corso had maybe the most human/saddest/realest moment on College GameDay I've ever see:
"Brings back many memories .... very sad." Just a gut-punch I didn't need Saturday morning. My grandma's always said, "it's hell to get old," and I felt that here.
I think that's how I'm gonna be when I'm that old. Some people like to look back and smile and be thankful for the memories, I'm gonna look back and just be pissed and annoyed that I'm 85 and can't do anything anymore.
Happy Monday!
And if you think that was a rough way to start the week, wait till you see what our good buddy Dylan Mulvaney did this weekend:
Let's end the day with the mail
I just ... I don't know. It's just so sad. Like, what are we doing? For those wondering, I'll take the Ann Arbor one, please.
Go Blue!
PS: hell of a crowd for Dylan's big speech. Surprised they could fit everyone in there!
OK, let's clear the inbox on the way out.
First up? Houston Joe, who was NOT happy about my Albertsons reference on Friday and went on one of the most insane rants I've ever seen:
Including Albertsons in a top grocery store list is insanity. Albertsons, Winn-Dixie, Giant and Kroger are consistently the most over priced grocery stores of any southern state I’ve lived in. At least a Piggly Wiggly is honest in that they know their customers don’t expect much. Super Wal-Marts do a better job.
There is no comparison with a “local” like H-E-B (Texas.) Publix gets grace because they’re not absolutely awful like the rest of the majors in the SE. There is a reason Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Sprouts, etc., took off, and it was because of the mainstream grocery stores of the world. Kroger offers you 10 loaves of white bread for a dollar a piece? That’s great, if you’re running a church picnic. The big ones stick to the tactics learned in basic marketing classes, so you overpay for the eggs you want, the syrup your kids like, etc. to get the weekly “deal” of crap you don’t need.
While I’m initiating the hand throwing (actually, you did that mentioning Albertsons), let’s talk about the Costco. You know where I can get a cheap hot dog? The one I buy at the regular grocery store, five all beef, quality franks for $4, a pack of buns for two bucks, and I don’t have to eat with a cartload of hundreds of dollars of crap I don’t actually need, in front of people I don’t want to be anywhere near.
Costco is emblematic of the wussification of men who are willing to walk around for hours debating whether you need the 72 count of single serve packages of gummy snacks, culminating in the consumption of the aforementioned hot dog. Did I know I needed a new sweater vest, on discount??? Shopping should be intentional. 12 kids on the team, I need 24 cookies, moving on. It should not be wandering around wondering if any of the ten year olds care if they get Bugles instead of Doritos.
Thanks, Joe!
Wow! Incredible stuff. Love the passion.
If I'm being completely honest, I haven't been to an Albertsons in 25 years. The one in my hometown closed down when I was young and it's now a Neighborhood Wal-Mart. I really only included it on my list because I'm a sucker for nostalgia and how often do you get an Albertsons reference anymore?
I also wholeheartedly agree with this sentence:
... and I don’t have to eat with a cartload of hundreds of dollars of crap I don’t actually need, in front of people I don’t want to be anywhere near.
Finally, here's Ryan from OK responding to my call to end drive-thru banter last week:
I also relate with the chit-chat in drive-thrus. Please hurry it up. Chick-fil-a can be pleasant in the drive thru without losing efficiency; get it together everyone else!
But my biggest pet peeve with lines is getting stuck behind people playing the lottery at gas stations. Buy your damn tickets, move out of the way, scratch that sh*t off, find out you didn’t win, and go about your day.
That's a good one, and it's happened to me a ton lately.
You know what else I'll add, also because it's shockingly happened to me three times in the past month? Standing behind someone at the grocery store checkout line who's PAYING WITH A CHECK.
That, my friends, is maybe the worst experience you'll ever go through. It takes forever, the check is always a crumbled mess, half the time they have to do it all over again because they screwed something up, and most cashiers have zero idea how to operate when they're handed a check.
I don't blame them, either. It's 2023. I didn't even know paper checks still existed. You think the 23-year-old Publix cashier is gonna know what to do with one?
Spoiler alert: they don't.
And on that cheery note, let's go have a week and watch the Miami Dolphins play football tonight.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Are Patrick Mahomes and Tony Romo now the most hated people in the NFL? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.